xxxJoel

(Click on the Drunkard to download Joel's promotion of ADB on Oklahoma City Radio
that won him a case of beer from AlanH, (Zipped .wav file, 1.6MB) or view the transcript here).

Name:
Joel

Nickname:
XXXJoel

Thinks He Is:
G.G. Allin

Vital Information:

DOB: August 1969
Born: Tulsa, Oklahoma, USA
Current Whereabouts: See the FBI Fugitive Page
Height: 5'9"
Weight: 135 lb
Eyes: blue
Hair: brown, often blood-encrusted
Blood Type: O +
Health
    Physical: excellent
    Mental: declining
Quote of the Moment:
Grsshpr3 says he's "never been too drunk to fuck when given the chance."

Joel, on the other hand, says he's "never been too drunk to fuck-up when given the chance."

Joel's Opinion of Homosexuality:
What was *I* doing in a gay bar? I have no particular qualms (that means 'problems,' Sp**n) with homosexuals and don't mind if some guy wants to buy me a drink. Plus, gay bars have the cheapest drinks in town! All real drunkards know that. Forget what the clientele's into, I wanna drink for less money, damnit.
Joel's Strategy For Picking Up Women:
When charm and compliments fail, I've found that flat-out lying seems to do the trick. I'd be more inclined to say something like, "Well, if you won't buy me a drink, wanna go for a ride in the Batmobile?" Either that or "I bet you probably don't recognize me. Yeah, well that's 'cause I haven't got my white, bellbottomed jumpsuit on and my cool cape and belt, baby. I'm the Presleytard and I just got outta my cage. Lemme be yer hunka-hunka-burnin' love. Buy my drinks now."
Has Been Arrested For:
"I've been either detained and/or thrown in "the tank" for any of the following: public intoxication, resisting arrest, trespassing, and destruction of private propery. I guess I like to have a good time, no matter what the cost!"
Joel's Saying:
"Drink. Experience. Write it up. That's how it's done."

Favorite Beer:
Tecate

Favorite Knife:
10" machete

Joel Loves:
beer, brunettes, blades, boobs, blood, and making bail

Hobbies:
see above

Mating Call:
"Weee-haaa!!"

Life's Ambition:
None as of yet

Philosophy:
"If it feels good, do it."

Joel's Drunken Stories:

"Bastard Forum" "Students Riot in Boulder"
"Britain v USA Drinking Contest" "The Tattoo"
"Caveman Day" "Tribute to MC Meow"
"Cops" "Tribute to SpoonTard"
"Dewar's: a Cure for AIDS?" "Troop XXX, Alaska"
"Diary of a Drunkard" "Urinals as an Art-Form"
"Drunk and Drunker" "What is ChinoLatino???"
"Geraldo" "Why is Joel Proud to be a Sober Pissant Loser?"
"Jeopardy: Drunken College Week" "XXXNapa: 24 hours at the Mad Brewer's"
"Last Night's Assault" "Spooge Frogs and Anal Nectar and Choad Foam"
"My First Time"

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