"Just what the hell is NippleSex?"
From: Kevin Jones
Date: 18 Aug 97
Okay, I'll be the first among those who didn't have the good fortune to attend the recent debauch in Las Vegas to ask: Just what the hell is NippleSex?
On the one hand, it sounds like yet another obscure reference to something no one else understands--a phrase calculated to set the insiders apart from outsiders. Sort of like the word "asshuffer," except that the understanding of the word "NippleSex" sets apart a twisted kind of inner-circle--that is, those who could justify going off on a four-day bender in the Versailles of the Vulgar--from the rest of us (that is, those of who stayed home nursing infants and hangovers).
On the other hand, "NippleSex" sounds like something that fat,
out-of-shape drunks with bulging, white, hairy beer bellies would indulge
in while so loaded that they had completely given up any pretense about
not doing things that most rational, sober people would consider a little
. . . okay, I'll go ahead and say it, "queer."
Just what is NippleSex? Does it involve grabbing the fat fleshy breast tissue of a fellow (male) drunk who is so drunk, so taken by the bonhomie of mutual drunkenness, that neither party cares what anyone around--or the errant video camera that may be recording the scene--makes of the display of drunken solidarity? Do they find each other's nipples interesting for some reason? If not, does their pretending to do so mark them as a drunk who is so far out on the edge that he (or she, although most likely he) is worthy of admiration?
Does NippleSex involve (God forbid) kissing or sucking?
This last question raises an image in my mind that is so utterly disgusting, so abhorrently wrong, so out of place in a civilized world where people still tuck their young into bed betwixt comfortable clean sheets and read them tales of Thomas the Tank Engine, that I almost want to swear off hard liquor and the company of the regulars of this group and go back to sucking down something harmless, like American beer.
So tell me. What the fuck is NippleSex anyway?
Anyone?
Kevin Jones
Liquored up and falling down at:
http://members.aol.com/kevnjon/drunk.htm
From: E.S.InterGalactic
Date: 18 Aug 97
Kev wrote:
So tell me. What the fuck is NippleSex anyway?Okay, I think I can help here, at least until someone who comes along who actually knows wants to contribute something. I was puzzled by this very same question myself, so on #adb last night I came across the only other person who I knew was in Vegas and present during all these alleged NippleSex episodes. I asked Cruise, once I got his attention, just what the hell NippleSex was....he was brief and to the point. "You should ask Brad Warren," he said. "He can explain it all to you and besides, he started it."Anyone?
Kev
Well, I was crushed at first, thinking there is no way in hell I will ever find out about this NippleSex phenomenon. I thought NippleSex involved the yanking of vital chestial hairs and the painful tweaking of aereola. Others in attendance last night, namely Tatgrl, were sure it involved the exposing of beer bellies and smacking them up against one another like sakied up Sumo wrestlers. Well, the debate raged on, and I was thinking there is no way in hell any of us will ever know the truth.
Then, like a frozen booger on the nostril of a polar bear, who should appear out of the wild blue, but Brad Warren. Defensive at first by my insistant questioning, he eventually became very talkative and told us more than we wanted to know.
First there is the Nipple Pinching....this has nothing to do with Nipplesex, but some people have it coming and evidently Jim Lombardo was one of them. For what reason, we still don't know. But the actual NippleSex is very much like Tatgirl thought. Brad Warren says first it begins with 'eye contact', then the exposing of the 'beer belly' . From there things rapidly escalate out of control until the (insert the appropriate person of authority, i.e. cabby, monorail attendant, casino floor manager, restaraunt manager, etc., etc.) walks over and politely requests the stopping of the DB NippleSex phenomenon, mildly interlacing the request with threats of ejection.
Brad assured us all that actual NippleSex has nothing to do with pinching, pulling or otherwise laying any other body part on another DB aside from the aforementioned strategic beer belly manuevering and placement. A vision came to my mind of roosters squaring off for a confrontation over pecking rights, arms flayed back, bellies exposed, back of necks all a bristle. Must have been something truly wonderous to watch. Anyway, that is all I know.
Always happy to pork soup.
ES
From: Gonz
Date: 24 Aug 97
The mechanics consist of pulling up the front of the shirt with both hands and smacking your gut against the others. It vaguely resembles the belly bumping sometimes seen during NBA games, with the exception that all parties involved are yelping in ecstasy and/or barking like dogs, and the collisions are much more violent. Methinks this had something to do with the vast majority of participants were not among the smallest of the troupe.You have forgotten two of the most important aspects of NippleSex:
1) You must be in a public place. After reviewing the video, there is no question why the manager of Battistas asked us to leave. It was *not* because we were too loud. It was because there was much belly skin, with tons of belly hair, on seperate bodies, intermingling with belly and belly hair of another person. Jesus. I can't even remember how many times shirts were lifted and NippleSex (TM) was performed that night. No wonder Noreen and Brian hid their faces from my video camera.
2) There must be noise associated with NippleSex (TM). NippleSex, without the grunts and groans of Brad Warren, Oso, and Don Guido, could not be classified as NippleSex (TM). The "Argh argh's" of the NippleSex (TM) gang only added to the ecstacy of the moment.]
Gonz
(What? Me drunk then *and* now? Outrageous!)