BradW

Name:
Brad Warren

Answers to:
The Pakster, "Hey you with the rum!", Aye Cap'n

Oso's Impressions from Vegas:

"This bastard doesn't believe in partying at anything less than full-bore. After having to fight with his employer to make it to Vegas, Brad made up for lost time, drinking with myself and other bastards at all hours of the day. He took to cider like mother's milk, finishing other people's bottles when they couldn't (CANADIAN! YOU S*BER FUCK!!!). With a cry of 'ARRGH!!!' or 'Drink up, ya bastards!!!', he downed bottles of the fermented fruit and created mayhem unlike anything Vegas had ever experienced before.

Brad and I created the phenomenon that was dubbed 'NippleSex' by the other DBs (see Jim Carey in 'The Cable Guy' to understand the roots of this perverse sexual act). Once it was started, no-one could resist the allure of some nipple-pressing. Up the shirts would go, the chests would bump, drinks would be spilled, all to drunken chants designed to scare the s*ber fucks who had the misfortune of vacationing in Vegas at the same time as us. Brad, Oso (me), Don Guido, and Jaz were the main participants in this bizarre ritual, but others like Cruise joined in on occasion.

Brad, I'm proud to call you a Drunken Bastard and member of the Hall of Bastards. ARRGGHH!!!"

Date of Birth:
July 31, 1973 at 1:05pm (never was a morning person)

Place of Birth:
Lakewood, California (LA area)

Grew up:
Tri-Cities (Dry Shitties), Washington

Current Residence:
St. Louis, MO

Significant Other:
Me bokkle, aye matey

Partners in Crime:
The Sarlaac, Ben_E

Physical Description:
That 6'3", 225 pound guy with brown hair and brown eyes wearing the Designated Drinker shirt and holding the 1.75 liter bottle of Cap'n Morgan in his good hand (the other is hamburger).

CCs completed:
Can't remember. Once finished 3 CCs in one day, the first was a full bottle of Aftershock and the next two were beer. Also pierced the left nipple with a soccer pin during a CC when "suggested" by Darsy.

Hobbies:
Embalming (myself, that is), soccer, computer games, writing computer games, making up lewd and crude lyrics to songs on the radio, Treaty Grounds Brewpub, cooking, bartending for my people, soon to be homebrewing, billiards.

Culinary Delights:
Gut-Bomb Pizza (tm), guacamole, Hunka Hoagies (tm).

Been Arrested For:
Nothing, thanks to my speed, skill, guile, and escapability.

Personal Philosophy:

I was once called a "pleasure oriented" person by a cohort. If it feels good, touch it. If it tastes good, eat it. If it looks good, stare at it. If it smells good, sniff it. And whatever it is, drink it.

This quote from David Tyree is quite fitting:

I like to drink because I like to change my personality. There's no sense in walking around being the same asshole all the time. Get drunk. Be somebody else.

Worst Nightmare:
Me kicking Captain Morgan Spiced Rum for a 55 yard field goal where (insert current inspiration of hard-on here) is strapped nekkid just out of my reach. What?

DB Fantasy:
To have a half-rack of those Miller Lites that you can slam on the table and do anything. I would slam it down and transport myself into the World Cup Final as the GK as it goes to a shootout and I stop all penalty kicks without spilling my beer. Even the great Gordie Banks would be proud. Or maybe transport myself into the bedroom of (insert current inspiration of hard-on here). Bow chicka bow bow..... (insert body moves here).

Annoying Habits:
Talking like a pirate, DCC-ing my drunken WAVs to anyone and everyone on IRC, unintelligible typing, being extremely loud and obnoxious, falling down.

Mating Calls:
"Nice shoes... wanna fuck?", "Your name is Robin? Wanna slide down on my Batpole?", "I have this peculiar swelling in my pants.", "Your hair is like the pouring of honey from the... brb, refill.", "Man, I have got some SERIOUS monkey butt."

Often Heard Quotes:
"Whachoo talkin 'bout, Willis?", "Just because your ass has a hole in it don't mean we can see through it.", To my good friends: "What's up, (insert some creative expletive here)?"

Life's Ambition:
Have as much fun as I can for as long as I can and then die. Before that it would be nice to serve as part-time barkeep on DB Island.