Canadian

Canadian and Oso, just a couple of Drunken Bastards

Name:
Chris Foley

Nickname:
Canadian

Oso's Observations from Vegas:

Canadian was a riot in Vegas. His DB radar immediately detected my presence as Gonzo and I were checking into our rooms at Binions, and he came over to welcome us. Canadian had this cool stamp made up for Vegas that produced the word "DRUNKARD" in 36-point type. I think every DB proudly wore the stamp at one time or another.

What impressed me about Canadian was his ability to mix heavy drinking and gambling. Even at a game as challenging as Bingo (note: Binion's Bingo isn't your vanilla-flavor variety; you have all these weird shapes you have to watch out for), Canadian was gobbling up the comp and wagering with abandon. In fact, after most other DBs had retired for the evening, he was still going strong.

I remember closing out one evening with Canadian, Michelle, and the newly-arrived Brad Warren. Canadian had a prime rib and side of ham, Brad and I had the fries, and everyone had a butt-load of free drinks (at least 4 comped rounds a piece). This was when the gambling got out of hand. We were making outrageous bets with one another but only for small returns. We bet Canadian a crisp US Dollar that he wouldn't drink 5 seconds of hot sauSe (original bet was $5 for a whole bottle of the stuff). The guy didn't flinch. He downed the sauSe without so much as a whimper or a dash for something to cool the burning. It was decided that the waitress deserved a $10 tip on a totally comped bill for putting up with our EXTREMELY OBNOXIOUS behavior (eh he).

Although I hate to do it, my status as 'Curator of the Hall of Bastards' demands I be forthright with you. Canadian did something that many would consider most un-DB-like. Brad Warren, Canadian, and I were out for a little titty shake. Per standard operating procedure, everyone was chugging away at 32 oz bottles of cider (I went through 36 of the bastards about half way through the weekend). When the bouncer at Glitter Gulch informed us that outside drinks were 'verboten', Canadian pussed out. Instead of drinking his nearly-full bottle, he said that he couldn't drink any more. Despite our attempts at shaming him into continuing, he disappeared back towards Binion's. Brad and I pushed on, finishing our bottles and entering the titty shake, our stomachs full of sweet cider. The show was less than spectacular, but it was the idea that Canadian would waste our beloved alcohol. Oh, the humanity!

Canadian, you have some making up to do next time we meet. First round's on you!

A while after I first wrote this section, Canadian emailed me this retort:

"I need to defend myself in the cider/titty bar matter:

"1. I couldn't 'drink any more' because I was *FULL*. Them ciders are BIG, especially when I'd been tanking it down of bloody marys all night. Sorry man, I admit I wasted 16oz of good cider, but I would have facking *BUST OPEN*. =)

"2. I felt a sudden 'urge' to see my wife. Then the Pai Gow table attracted me so I wasn't able to get back. DAMMIT, IT WAS THE EVILS OF SOCIETY THAT DREW ME AWAY FROM DRUNKEN TITTIES.

"There. Had to say it. Take it easy =)."

As one who has been distracted from DB pursuits by the promise of a "mattress mambo", I think Canadian's explanation surely lessens his level of culpability. But Chris, first drink's still on you, buddy ;-)

"Because I love Canada, that's why. It's a cool country. At least British Columbia is. Especially Vancouver. But "British Columbian" and "Vancouverite" are stupid nicknames."

Where:
North Vancouver, BC.

Where???:

"Happy little postcard suburb of Vancouver. About 10 minutes from downtown in no traffic. Live about 2 minutes from the bottom of Mt. Seymour, a local ski hill. Live about 3 minutes from the nearest beach. Don't ski because I have no sense of balance whatsoever. Don't swim at the beach because the water is 50% fecal coliform at the best of times."

"I'm married to Sally Foley, who convinced me not to drink on our wedding day. Which was a Good Thing, because (a) it enabled me to be Fully Functional on our wedding *night*, and (b) I was the only one at the party the next day who wasn't sick-hungover, so I got more to drink. We've been going out since October 1989. She is actually quite the db when she gets around to it, which is usually when she's around her female friends. When this happens, she outdrinks *everyone*. A dozen double vodka paralyzers told the story of her stagette night. I love her!"

"I'm a Systems Analyst,which is an impressive way of saying I program for money."

"Yes again. I enjoy booze, hockey (Canucks rule), basketball (wish the Grizzlies ruled), collectible card games (Star Wars & Magic), laser tag, and doing anything with my fiancee."

"Beer. I like Samuel Adams and don't care that's it's over-commercialized. It's a damn good beer, though it runs close to $2 a bottle in Canadian liquor stores."

"In Canada, you can't just walk into a supermarket and buy booze. The government has a "liquor control board" set up to control the importing and sales of all alcoholic beverages. As a result of this board, a beer that would cost $10 a flat in the USA costs about $25 here -- double even allowing for exchange. Since Washington State is about 45 minutes drive from my house, you can guess where a lot of beer gets bought. Though of course the customs folks like to tax you about 80% when you bring it over the border."

Drunken Stories:

"Beer as a Gateway Drug"
"Big Me on X-Files Report"
"Britain v USA Drinking Contest"
"Definition of 'Asshuffer'"
"Drunken Pirates of the Caribbean"
"El Drunken Weekend-O"
"Fruity Booze Weekend"