Gonzo after a hardcore performance at Caeser's Bacchnalian Feast

Name:
Rob Machado

Nickname:
Gonzo

Vital Information:

Designated Drinker of:
Tempe, Arizona (Oso has Phoenix-proper)

Born:
5/11/67, West Allis, Wisconsin. Turned 30 the same day as Rob Fagen did.

Current Whereabouts:
Sitting in front of my computer, drunk off my ass.

Physical Description:
Looks like Drew Carey with long hair.

Hair:
Long, curly, sandy blonde

Eyes:
Hazel

Raison De Etre:
Maintainer of the ADB Homepage

Fave Drink:
Diet Sprite, chased with Gordon's Citrus vodka.

Alcohol Stash in Apartment:
You won't believe this, but I don't have the major stash in my apartment that you may think I have. I have right now: two 1.75 litre bottles of Gordon's vodka (one of which is almost gone), some assorted rums and a bottle of Dalwhinnie (which are Oso's), some port and brandy, a small bottle of Gusanos Mezcal de Oxaca which I will never drink because of the ugly sediment at the bottom (which the worms are living off of), 3 bottles that I brought back from England and which can not be purchased in the States (Smirnoff "Mule", Southern Comfort "Craw Daddy" and "Street Car") . I go to the Safeway about twice a week, so I keep my supply stocked from those trips, but I never have more than 2 bottles of http://drunkenbastards.org/ in my apartment at one time.

Number of Shot Glasses:
7: four Avalance/Aftershock, two Hard Rock Cafe (Vegas), and one Arizona Cardinals

Favorite Bar:
Well, it *used* to be the Thirsty Beaver, which is about 5 minutes walking from here. Great happy hour prices until 7:00pm, but they have gotten stingey on their orders, so I don't go there anymore. I have not found a suitable replacement as of yet.

What My Tattoo Means:
I have the infamous PIPP tattoo. It means that I'm a drunken bastard.

Cryptic Sign Currently On Apartment Door:
A faded, computer generated sign that reads "Salespeople and religious representatives are NOT welcome".

Occupations of My Two Former Girlfriends:
Julie is a cop in Las Vegas. Erin is a Captain in the U.S. Army. Do I detect a trend there?

Phobias:
Boy, you guys are going to think I'm a real neurotic after *this* one. #1: Afraid of heights. #2: Deathly afraid of pools, lakes, oceans, baths, etc. Showers = good. Bodies of water = bad. Exception to that is that if the body of water is small and there are other people in it and I'm drunk, I can deal with a hottub. But never a pool or lake.

Pet Peeve:
Hair on my soap, even if it's my own. I'm very anal about that.

Former Pet Peeve:
People calling me Gonz. I used to hate it! I have a real name, damnit! But, now that I have been called it by so many people, I have gotten to like it.

How You Know Rob is Drunk:
...when he says,"Oh fuck. I can't feel my lips anymore."

Life's Ambition:
"To be able to retire at 50 and drive around the U.S. in a Winnebego."

Second Ambition:
"To be able to be the ATF chief on the ADB island. Of course, Oso will be cleaning my gun, so to speak."

Philosophy:
"If ya drink, you're my friend. If you don't, you're an asshuffer."

Fascinating Physical Fact:
I am a great whistler. I do a fantastic dove impersonation, and my tongue allows me to do trills that even piccalo players would envy.

Drunken Stories:

"DBs in Vegas"
"Gonzo The Barbarian - A Farce in Several Acts" (by Darsy)
"Ooh, that reminds me..."
"The San Francisco Party!"

Email Gonzo
To Gonzo's Homepage
To Meet the Bastards