OK, ya bastards. Here is my recount of the Drunken weekend in Las Vegas last month. I've put this off long enough, so I'm fastening my seatbelt and just going for it. Please remember this my account of the event. Some people were there before I arrived and after I left, so their accounts will differ. This is a very long story, though, so kick back, relax, and read on......
THE LOCATION: The Riviera Hotel and
Casino, La Vegas, Nevada
THE DATES: May 3, 4, and 5, 1996
THE PARTICIPANTS:
Jim and Noreen Lombardo - The reason for even scheduling the Las Vegas Tour, 1996. They were there for some reason for about 5 days.Dave Cowan - The Kiwi known as "Redlion" on the IRC. On his quest to see America, he stopped by Phoenix for a few days, and it coincidentally was the same weekend as the LV Tour 1996. More about him later.
Sondra Halperin - Known to most of you as "s". Lives in SF, works in the South Bay. Hellava work commute, but I did meet her last Summer. We had a hug to complete, but more about that later, too.
Rob Fagen - Hereafter referred to as RobF (as my name is Rob, also). Met him in SF last Summer, too. Was sportin' a full beard when I met him in SF. It was gone for Vegas.
Julie - Last name unknown right now. She works with Sondra, and she turned out to be quite the Drunken Bastardess over the weekend. Washed her feet in the pond in front of Caesar's Palace.
And me, Gonzo - Your narrator for this tale of drunken debauchery.
On Friday, May 3rd, Dave and I head out of Phoenix for Las Vegas. With hotel reservations made in the same hotel as Jim and Noreen, a full tank of gas, and a lot of sodas, we hit the road for a five and a half hour road trip to Vegas. [note: We NEVER made a stop on the whole trip. We did it in one shot. No gas breaks, no pee breaks, nothing! end of note]
We arrive in Vegas around 7:00pm on the 3rd, finally find the Riviera, park, get our luggage out of the car, and head for check- in. Check-in was a joke. We waited for 20 minutes as the one open window took care of the 2 people in front of us. We finally made it to the window, got our keys, and headed to the room.
The room was no big deal. 2 beds, 4 towels, a TV, and no refrigerator. First thing we do is get the message off of the telephone. It was Noreen saying that we just missed them and that they will call around 8:00pm. I left a message the Lombardo's that we were here, gave them the room number, and had Dave go get enough ice to fill up one of the small garbage cans, and I put my Diet Sprite in it to cool off. Jim and Noreen call back, saying that they are coming down, but that they hadn't heard from Sondra, Julie or Rob for hours. J & N come down, and Dave is chomping at the bit for a beer. J, N, and Dave make a beer run, and I wait in the room for Sondra, Julie, and Rob. They call me on the phone. They are at Bally's are getting a cab back to the Riviera. I turn on the TV, pull out my 1.75 of Gorden's Citrus Vodka (my traveling size bottle) and start to drink. Mind you that I haven't eaten anything since 11:00am that morning. This will come into play later on.
J, N, and Dave return with beer, we have a couple of shots, and about 10 minutes later, the other three show up. I greet Sondra at the door and give her a big hug. [note: When I met her in SF last Summer, I gave her a stupid little hug, not a real one. So, this one was a real one. end of note] I say Hi to RobF again, and comment that he finally shaved and that he got new glasses. Say "Hi" to Julie for the first time.
It turns out that Julie had picked up these little shot bottles of TGIF's mixers, so we each got one, and did a little "salud". That was the official kickoff to the drunken part of my weekend. We are all sitting around the hotel room, all of drinking, and I break out the shirts.
I had some polo-type shirts made up for the weekend. They were all black and had white writing over the right breast. They said "alt.drunken.bastards" on the top line, and "Vegas Tour 1996" on the second line. Everyone was very excited about them and they looked pretty sharp. We eventually all donned them, and kept drinking. I'm guessing the time was about 10:00pm at this point. It's at this time that my memory gets hazy, as I still haven't had anything eat. Lots of vodka and no food= hazy memory.
Our neighbors across the hall were very nice women. Except that they weren't women. But they were nice enough to take a couple of group photos, all of which turned out to be very poor photos. Heads cut off, people not in the picture, etc.
After this point, I'm almost totally blacked out but still up and walking, and the whole group decides to go to Circus Circus across the street. I remember walking over there, watching a few people gamble, smoking one or two of Sondra's cigarettes, and then waking up the next morning. Here is what I was told happened. The group, all donning our shirts went to Circus Circus and walked around a bit. After being there awhile, we decided to leave, and as I walked out of the hotel, I fell down. Not wanting to get up, Dave, RobF and Jim carry me back (arms over shoulders type-of thing) to the hotel room, where I immediately pass out. They didn't miss a heartbeat and started to take pictures of me. Oh, and there were a couple of phone calls to XXXJoel during this period, but I'll be damned if I can remember them. I think I said something incriminating, but Joel won't tell me what I actually said. End of night for me.
I woke up the next morning, in bed, and thank goodness, fully dressed and no mustache painted on me. This was at about 9:00am. I am starving, and RobF is also awake, so we go to the breakfast buffet, where I engorge myself on some very tasty eggs, sausage, potatoes, etc. It was crap food, but it was what I needed.
I had to run an errand for work, which was to check out a classroom at UNLV, so I had to leave around Noon. RobF most graciously bought us all tickets to a yearly wine tasting event called "UNLVino" at Bally's. It was sponsored by UNLV and it was for some kind of scholorship. There were about 100 different wine "vendor's" there, all willing to give us free samples. I met up with them around 3:00pm, very sober. Had some wine (there was no vodka represented, so I found a Port I liked, but they ran out), drank a lot of water, and we all decided to go over to Caesar's Palace for some gambling and drinking. [note: When we went to the UNLVino, they gave us these cool engraved glasses. I broke one outside of the Italian restaurant (read about further down), but the other is now in my fishtank. end of note] On the way out, Julie decided to do her "That Girl" impersonation and played in the little pond outside of Bally's. RobF and I sang "You're going to make it after allllll". Quite the photo opportunity. We meandered over to Caesar's, and upon arriving, Julie went and washed her feet in the pond outside of that, as she had been walking barefoot. With that done, we went inside for some gambling.
Once inside, We dabbled a little bit in gambling. I had no money to gamble with, so I merely watched and rooted the other DB's on. Dave, who had lost $15 the night before, but a dollar in one of the machines, and won $10 on the spot. Julie and Sondra did the roulette thing. We somehow managed to spend a couple of hours in there. We finally regrouped and hit one of the bars in the hotel. We drank for about an hour (thank you Jim for the complimentary vodka shots) and eventually made our way to an Italian restaurant that was back next to Bally's. Now, I'm not one to usually eat at an Italian restaurant, but they had all you can drink carafes of wine. And, after having a couple more shots at the bar, I was feeling pretty good, as was everyone at the table. We were loud, but well behaved. we toasted the table next to us, we drank, we ate, drank some more, and then we left. Time now was approx. 11:00pm. We are all quite drunk at this point.
The walk back to the hotel: After eating, drinking, and being DB's, we decided to walk the mile and a half back to the hotel. We all started off OK, but Julie was definitely having a time getting back. She was sorta sticking with Dave, who, BTW, was a little over 6 feet tall. He was sort of her walking cane. We kept trying to tell her to put one foot in front of the other, but that was only aggravating the situation. Well, it was I who said that, and it wasn't appreciated. So, I shut up. J, N, RobF, Sondra, and I told them to just lag behind and we plowed ahead. Noreen was the next to bow out. even though she didn't realize it, we were less than a 1/4 mile from the hotel when her feet gave up the ghost. The last time I saw them was when she and Jim were sitting on a bus bench, waiting for a cab. I plodded on, but this is one place I don't remember because of the time it has taken me to write this. I don't remember if Sondra and RobF were with me for the rest of the walk. I *don't* think they were, but the memory has faded and don't remember if the three of us made it back to the hotel at the same time.
Back at the hotel: OK, so it's about 11:30pm now. I'm not tired, but I end up taking a shower. Dave had not made it back to the room yet, so I was by myself. Shower taken, much refreshed (except that the tub drain was clogged, so it was kinda gross. contacts are out, glasses on, new clothes, I go in search of RobF and Sondra. I find them in the Casino. Sondra is playing roulette and doing really well. I deem myself as her good luck charm and follow her from table to table. RobF circulates and he pops his head in and says Hi every so often. Sondra is up by like $200 at this point, so I demand she give me a $5 chip for me to hold "just in case". I gave it back to her the next morning because there was no "just in case". I make a few trips back to the room because the ol' stomach is not feeling goo, and after relieving it (so to speak) I feel much better and drink more vodka there.) Sondra and RobF gamble until about 2:00am. We are all hungry now (and I'm extremely drunk), so Sondra treats us to breakfast. It was very satisfying, and by 2:30am, we all stumble up to the hotel room and go to sleep (read: pass out). Can't vouch for Sondra or RobF, but I was trashed.
The next morning, I wake up and Dave is gone, Rob is sleeping on the hide-a-bed that we scammed from a porter that didn't speak English, Julie and Sondra were in one bed (Hey! No remarks!), and I was in the other bed. It's about 8:30am. Dave and I were heading over to the Grand Canyon before we went back to Phoenix, so I know we had to leave early. I start to pack my belongings, and Dave comes back from the pool. We get all of our stuff ready, say good-bye to Julie (who was very groggy), Sondra (whom I gave another "real" hug to) and say adios to RobF. I call J & N to say good-bye, and we were off. Sadly, I never got to see them after I left them on that bus bench the night before. God, what DB's they are. As a pair, they are fantastic!
The rest of Dave's and Gonzo's trip: We hit the Grand Canyon. We left Vegas at 10:00am and didn't get back to Phoenix until 10:00pm. The Grand canyon was really cool, but for about the first 15 minutes. After that, it was a huge hole in the ground. The driving sucked, but it was a kind of closure for the weekend. Dave and I both had way too much to drink, but it was well worth it. Hell, we all had too much to drink, and that was that dang point of it all. Being drunk in Las Vegas with other DB's was a lot of fun, and even when I fell in front of Circus Circus, no one minded. It's all part of being a DB. I'm sure I have missed a few spots, like Dave licking my neck and *someone* stealing the traffic cone on Friday night, but one person will never be able to tell the whole story in it's entirety. I thought this would take me 30 minutes to write, but it was really an hour and 30 minutes. Dave, RobF, Sondra, J & N, care to add anything?
Overall, a very drunken weekend, and one well spent in Vegas. Thank GOD I didn't ride that roller coaster on the Stratosphere. I would have yakked for sure. Thanks for reading this whole thing, and I'm sure it will be embellished upon soon.
Gonzo