Jim

"Alright, Oso, let me finish this vodka tonic and I'll do my Stephen Hawkings impression for you.
(Hmm, I wonder what Noreen is doing right now..."

Name:
Jim Lombardo

Nickname:
Bellygang Jim

Why the hell am I writing this anyway?:

Because of Oso's incessent nagging.

Mention that topic again and I'll rip your lungs out, saute 'em in your blood and have it for lunch.

Boston Market goes bankrupt and there's no more Family Special #2 meals: a whole spit-roasted chicken, creamed spinach, stuffing, mashed potatoes, cornbread and gravy on the side.

Did somebody mention CHICKEN???

Doing a CC with the Pope.

An evening with Christie Whitman, Governor of New Jersey, a bottle of Jim Beam and twelve cases of artichokes. Gads, what a rack has she!

Waking up without his pants on (but with Noreen) after a Century Club.

Fighting for the keyboard with Noreen again. Every night's like a CC around here, eh?

About to try a new recipe that calls for igniting 1/2 cup of brandy. Got my book of matches out and my 4th Oso Margarita in hand. If y'all don't hear from me in a week, will somebody kindly replace our "buy our friggin' house" web page with "vacant lot, free charcoal -- cheap!"?

Born in Queens in 1962, I came from a poor second generation Italian family. As soon as I was old enough to crawl, I had a job. Dumpster-Diver Jim they called me. My dad would take me to the bagel store every Saturday and instruct me to press my innocent face up against the window and look pitiful so the bagelman would toss us a day-old treat.

Behind the bagel store was a rat-infested dumpster. At dawn, Dad would hand me a paper bag, lower me into the dumpster and leave me to gather whatever crumbs I could wrestle from the rats. Two hours past the time my stomach began to sorrowfully growl for dinner, dad would stagger back from the bar, lift me out of the trash by my ears and inspect my paper sack for goodies. These were happy times.

I befriended the rats and learned all about their language and motions. Beautiful creatures, rats are. Kind, noble and quite sensible about pairing wine and cheese.

(Okay, all that was total bullshit, but what's funny about an uneventful childhood)

The way your piss smells after you eat asparagus
Sierra Nevada Pale Ale
Jim Beam in 1.75 litre bottles
Noreen
Christie Whitman (mmmmm, nice rack)
Chino Latino food -- energy source for the 21st Century
My rubberband ball
Wet kisses on a snowy afternoon (er, wrong page)
The way your piss smells after you eat asparagus
#adb, "Procrastination's Little Helper"
Turkey sausage

Fred Smith wrote:

Bob, I am using a great SlideShow program which I got for $20. I have made up SlideShows of pictures that I have dowloaded and they are awsome. It shows any JPG, GIF, BMP, ... It runs as a Windows Screen Saver so when my computer is idle, it shows any pictures I want it to and it shows them with over 100 special effects. It's really easy to use and it also plays sound files. I downloaded it from [URL snipped] (you can try it out for free) I also use it at work to give presentations. Good Luck.

To which Jim responded:

Fred, I am using a really neat XXXJoel patented Suck-my-ass-it-smells (tm) penisectomy appliance that I got for $5. I have sliced off the penises of many an asshuffer with it and all stumps were wonderfully bloodied. It works on whites, blacks and asians. It attaches to any standard pair of steel toe boots and also extracts tongues. Why don't you try it out on yourself for free!

"Drywalling, Another Tale from the Tundra"
"Drunken Politics"
"Just When You Thought It Was Safe to Go Back to Rome..."
"Lying to the Doctor"
"Technophobia"
"The Evil at Boston Chicken"
"To Reilly, drunkeness and the American Way"