The Pope is here in New Jersey for a visit. Last night he made an appearance in Giants Stadium, tonight he was at the Aqueduct racetrack and tomorrow Central Park, New York City. It sounds like the ultimate weekend to us: catch the Redskins vs. Giants and drink lots of cheap beer, go home and sleep until the rubber goes out of your legs, head to the track and make (or lose) a small fortune on a horse with a cool name, drink either more cheap beer or champagne (depending on the betting outcome), recover legs again next day and go to Central Park to drink fortified wine with the bums. Rockin' weekend!

But the Pope keeps showing up at these fun places and *talking* for hours and hours, sounding like Bela Lugosi doing Dracula: "I vant to suck yourr blooood. S'alright, s'okay, I zettle for zome red vine". By the time he gets done talking, it's too late to have a game of football or bring the trotters out.

At least the Pope seems to be having fun, i.e., he appears to be a drunken bastard. We noticed that he tends to look grey and ashen in the morning, but every afternoon he gets a cheery glow in his cheeks and his nose radiates like Rudolf the Reindeer's. From the past 365 days/year X 20-some years of personal experience, I'd say he's doing about a case of Veast (Vatican's Best) every night.

Case in point: did anybody see the broadcast of the Mass the Pope delivered last night? It was a dead giveaway that he's a DB when he chugged the contents of his Chalice (Pope-cup), exclaimed "HOO-WHAH!!!", and motioned heartily to the altar-boy for a double refill.

I would love to do a CC with the Pope:

[Gonzo]: "The CC rules now allow hard liquor. Got me some tasty vodka."
[Pope]: "Vait! Vatt do I do vit all dees Corona? I vant to do zhots of vine!"
[name deleted from imaginary CC log]: "C'mon, don't be an asshuffer, your Holiness".
[Sondra]: "You could pour the Corona over Rob's head to wake him up. Nah, never mind. He'd be pretty frightened waking up butt-naked with a Pontiff pouring swill all over him."
[Pope]: "63. Voah! HOO-WHAH!! Ohhhh....vait, zees carponazhun ees too much for me. I zeenk I'm gonna hug ze porcelain god. No, vait, zhat's zacreligious. I zchunder in zee popemobile inzhestead."
[Pope] (feeling relieved): "100. Vow!! Vat a CC!. Buuurrrrrppppp! Who vants to go to 200?"

-Jim

(I apologize in advance for anybody who I offended. Blame Oso's margarita recipe. Six or seven of those things really twist one's mind. HOO-WHAH!)