"Jack the Kipper"
Riddler wrote earlier:
Ali's gone home to Mum but she's threateniong to come back. so I went on a tour of malt whiskies sterting in my own bar. I just drunk; Talisker, Oban, Glenkinchie, Daiwhinnie, Lagavulin,, Cragganmore and then lkm,e the fackin heathen i am went looking for Drambuie to miox with cooking whisky and make a rusty rail. No Drambuie in this pub!Morning now. Ouch.That should read rusty nail not rail. Also it's a new head I'm looking for, not a new pub. Thank God there was no Drambuie anywhere. On one hand I am thankful for this. On the other, I'm off out to buy a bottle! Tonight I do the job right.Ridller..looking for a new pub
Riddler
closet masochist..anyone got their kippers yet apart from BINKS?
From: Gonz
Date: 9 Dec 96
Riddler wrote:
RiddlerRiddler! I got my kippers today at work! They look rather tasty, but they were toally thawed out. You posted them on the 2nd and I got them on the 9th. The package says that if thawed and kept cool, they wil last for 2 days. I figure they were frozen when you sent them, so that would make them good for 3 days. They came over in the belly of a plane, so they might have stayed frozen another day. So, that means they are "ripe" by three days. I threw them in the freezer when I got home. I'll thaw one out tomorrow and cook it up and see if I get deadly sick or not.
closet masochist..anyone got their kippers yet apart from
But, Riddler, thanks so much for sending them! If I live for 2 more days, you'll know they traveled OK. Now, where are those potatoes?
Gonz
(If I can survive this damn flu, I can survive old IofM Kippers.)
From: Ratboy
Date: 10 Dec 96
Gonz wrote:
BUT, Riddler, thanks so much for sending them! If I live for 2 more days, you'll know they traveled OK.Hey Gonz, If you like or can at least tolerate red wine, have a couple glasses w/ the kippers. I read an article last month that some scientists had poured various forms of alchohol over the 3 most common food bacteria( E. Coli, Salmonella, and I forget the thord). Semmms red wine killed them. Unfortunately vodka didn't make the grade(nor did anything but red wine). Which they theorize means a glass or two (or bottles) of red wine with food can help prevent food poisining.
[Gonz]: If I can survive this damn flu, I can survive old IofM Kippers.Ratboy
From: Riddler
Date: 10 Dec 96
Gonz wrote:
Riddler! I got my kippers today at work! They look rather tasty, but they were toally thawed out. You posted them on the 2nd and I got them on the 9th. The package says that if thawed and kept cool, they wil last for 2 days. I figure they were frozen when you sent them, so that would make them good for 3 days. They came over in the belly of a plane, so they might have stayed frozen another day. So, that means they are "ripe" by three days. I threw them in the freezer when I got home. I'll thaw one out tomorrow and cook it up and see if I get deadly sick or not.Gonz, they were never frozen. They are good for 3 days once opened.Deveraux (the fish merchant) says that they will keep for weeks in the vacuum packaging. My own experience of kippers is that they improve with time because of the "curing" Mind you, Binky ate his a day or two ago and has been ominously quiet since. Binks, could ya post and verify that you're still alive? The worst that could happen would be clostridium botulinum, in which case ..let's not go into that.But, Riddler, thanks so much for sending them! If I live for 2 more days, you'll know they traveled OK.
Riddler
trust me, I'm a chef! (wonder if that's legally binding?)
From: Gonz
Date: 11 Dec 96
Riddler wrote:
Gonz, they were never frozen. They are good for 3 days once opened.Deveraux (the fish merchant) says that they will keep for weeks in the vacuum packaging. My own experience of kippers is that they improve with time because of the "curing" Mind you, Binky ate his a day or two ago and has been ominously quiet since. Binks, could ya post and verify that you're still alive? The worst that could happen would be clostridium botulinum, in which case ..let's not go into that.Riddler, this is very good news. Oso and I talked on the phone yesterday, and he was very apprehensive about opening his because they didn't arrive frozen. I now feel secure that I will not die of "salmon"-ella poisining (Small pun there). Oso and I are going to Da Beav tomorrow night, and I think that the Kippers would make a wonder dinner after a night of drinking. The people at work I showed them to were quite impressed that the fish were so large. Kippers in the US conjure up a mind image of something called Kipper Snacks, these horrible little tiny fish packed in a can with oil and are usually eaten with saltines. I'll get back to you if I survive the awesome IofM kippers.
Gonz
(Over his flu and drinking like a Kipper)
From: Jaz
Date: 10 Dec 96
Gonz wrote:
If I can survive this damn flu, I can survive old IofM Kippers.Ya know? I wonder if there is a sinister purpose in these Kippers around the world tour. I think Riddler is trying to poison everyone so he can because the number one poster. With all the regular's dead he'll sweep the board.
You're a pyschotic kipper Killer Riddler! (Say that 10 times when drunk)
Jaz
The Postman always knocks twice with the kippers...
From: Riddler
Date: 12 Dec 96
Jaz wrote:
Ya know? I wonder if there is a sinister purpose in these Kippers around the world tour. I think Riddler is trying to poison everyone so he can because the number one poster. With all the regular's dead he'll sweep the board.OK, here goes. I'm a pysschotic kipler kidder riddler, I'm a scotic crypt kicker piddler, I'm a psychadelic kipper dribbler riddl...fack this for a game of soldiers I just did a binks with me whatsits..went clunk - splash in me Drambuie..You're a pyschotic kipper Killer Riddler! (Say that 10 times when drunk)
Riddler
anyone for botulism?
From: Oso
Date: 12 Dec 96
Riddler wrote:
OK, here goes. I'm a pysschotic kipler kidder riddler, I'm a scotic crypt kicker piddler, I'm a psychadelic kipper dribbler riddl...If you say so, Riddler. I guess you're the world's first serial killer whose m.o. is tainted fish. Kuklinski would be so proud.
[Riddler]...anyone for botulism?Does it pack a killer buzz?
Oso
the graduate *never* buys!
From: Riddler
Date: 12 Dec 96
Oso wrote:
I guess you're the world's first serial killer whose m.o. is tainted fish. Kuklinski would be so proud.No, it has been done before. Back in Victorian times a spate of strange deaths occured. Young girls found murdered with terrible expressions of agony.The perpetrator turned out to be a young fisherman. He lured these young innocents back to his hovel with promises of a good feed (times were hard) Then he fed them old, tainted kippers and watched them die agonising deaths. He became known as "Jack the Kipper" after his Londinium counterpart "Jack the Ripper" It's true I tell ya! I should know, he was my great,great,great Grandpappy!
[Riddler]...anyone for botulism?You bet, knocks you out cold!Does it pack a killer buzz?
From: Jaz
Date: 13 Dec 96
Riddler wrote:
No, it has been done before. Back in Victorian times a spate of strange deaths occured. Young girls found murdered with terrible expressions of agony.The perpetrator turned out to be a young fisherman. He lured these young innocents back to his hovel with promises of a good feed (times were hard) Then he fed them old, tainted kippers and watched them die agonising deaths. He became known as "Jack the Kipper" after his Londinium counterpart "Jack the Ripper" It's true I tell ya! I should know, he was my great,great,great Grandpappy!All the facts are coming together, Your Evilness is beyond human thought. I know what your upto, You think you can get away with this? Do you? Riddler the Ripper?
Jazzy
Or are the voices in my head lieing to me?
From: Riddler
Date: 14 Dec 96
Jaz wrote:
All the facts are coming together, Your Evilness is beyond human thought. I know what your upto, You think you can get away with this? Do you? Riddler the Ripper?I'm innocent, Jazzer, innocent I tell ya! It was the Evil Kipper Purveyer.
Ripper
bach into facking hiding..
From: Jaz
Date: 15 Dec 96
Riddler writes
I'm innocent.Jazzer, innocent I tell ya! It was the Evil Kipper Purveyer.We have you surrounded! Come out with your kippers in the air!Ripper
bach into facking hiding..
Jazzy
We've got him this time!
From: Wolfman
Date: 14 Dec 96
Jaz wrote:
All the facts are coming together, Your Evilness is beyond human thought. I know what your upto, You think you can get away with this? Do you? Riddler the Ripper?Listen to me.I'm a level headed guy.Riddler only payed for the dread Kippers. It was the fish merchant who knowingly posted them on a 9 day journey when they only had a *supposed shelf* life of 2 days.The fish monger now denies his own claims and is being *seen to* as we speak.Riddler is in hiding and we had a hard enough job getting him accepted by the outside world to begin with!
Wolfman
or I'll tear yer gizzards out. Mmmmmm
From: Jaz
Date: 15 Dec 96
Wolfman writes:
Listen to me.I'm a level headed guy.Riddler only payed for the dread Kippers. It was the fish merchant who knowingly posted them on a 9 day journey when they only had a *supposed shelf* life of 2 days.The fish monger now denies his own claims and is being *seen to* as we speak.Riddler is in hiding and we had a hard enough job getting him accepted by the outside world to begin with!Listen, I didn't want the job of capturing the Kipper killer but you know what? I want a world where my children can eat in peace without fear of a fishy death. I want a world where old people can open their fridge doors with going to the kipper coffin in the sky. I WANT a world were I can stand in a quaint scenic fishing village and scream at the sky "I want some Kippers for my breakfast and I don't want to die!" Maybe I'm a dreamer, it's easy if you try.
Wolfman...or I'll tear yer gizzards out. MmmmmmSo resorting to violent threats? I don't repond to threats. The headless kipper I found in my bed scared me not. I haven't been in homicide for 20 years for nothing.
Jazzy
We've got them on the kipper run...
From: Riddler
Date: 16 Dec 96
Jaz wrote:
Listen, I didn't want the job of capturing the Kipper killer but you know what? I want a world where my children can eat in peace without fear of a fishy death. I want a world where old people can open their fridge doors with going to the kipper coffin in the sky. I WANT a world were I can stand in a quaint scenic fishing village and scream at the sky "I want some Kippers for my breakfast and I don't want to die!" Maybe I'm a dreamer....You know, it's ironic that Jack-the-kipper met his downfall because of Albert Nearlyded. Albert owes his superhuman powers to K*ppers in the first place. He fell into a vat of fermenting k*ppers as a child and has been invincible ever since. Incidentally, paying Alberts bar bills has tripled our National Debt. We have no way of recovering as our only income was from exporting K*ippers. Things are a bit slack in that departement apart from a slight upsurge in Phoenix, Arizona and Northern Ireland.
Riddler
missing Jack, it's nice to be a maniac once in a blue moon