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A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z ? !

AHEM. MAY I REMIND Mr. Martinez: One of the three core principles of a perl hacker is LAZINESS. You, Sir, have SINNED. Don't try to deny it. Your penence SHALL BE: Ten Perl haiku (to be judged on artistic merit, but must also be legal Perl (as implemented by perl5), though they need not actually do anything useful once compiled).
-Rob Earhart
Boy, my office sure is quiet NOW THAT MY HP IS DEAD AS A ROCK.
-Rob Earhart
can't - hold - entire - code - structure - in - head - *pop*!
-Rob Earhart
Cheer up, Sam! When I return from my quest, I shall bring that most holy and rare of texts: Windows NT 5.0 beta 1 cds! Guaranteed to make you long for your old NT4 problems...
-Rob Earhart
Coming up with a Cool Name is the hardest part of writing a new program.
-Rob Earhart
Compaq was founded by a farmer. Or is it just a coincidence that their definition of "customer service" seems to come from it's use in animal husbandry?
-Rob Earhart
Due to unforeseen circumstances, Rob Earhart will not be able to perform today; in his absence, your standard bitterness, angst, and controversial statements on the unhinged list will be provided by Chris Hanson. We apologize for the inconvenience.
-Rob Earhart
Every few minutes I stumble into some bogosity in SML, and compose a rant, and wipe it because I'm pretty sure no one cares.
-Rob Earhart
FedEx: when your packet absolutely, positively, has to get there THE NEXT DAY.
-Rob Earhart
Get Purify. (I'm 99% sure there's an NT version...) ... or get Rob a new brain, since that's a compiletime error, not runtime. grn. uh, try a new compiler?
-Rob Earhart
God: Santa Claus for adults.
-Rob Earhart
here's a nickle, kid. go buy yourself a real computer.
-Rob Earhart
"Hey, Rocky, watch me cast something to a virtual base and have it come through unchanged so that I can still tweak internal values by knowing their offsets!" "That trick... uh, sometimes works, but don't do it!" "Nothing up my sleeve..." ConstantFnoob::ConstantFnoob: this is 0x100847a8 "Presto!" Fnoob::Create: created: fnoob is 0x100847c0 "Guess I'd better get a better compiler." "And now, here's something we hope will actually work!"
-Rob Earhart
"Hey, Rocky, watch this horribly convoluted code I just spent all day writing compile cleanly on the very first try!" "Again? That trick *never* works!" "Presto!" CC: BLEAH! "Guess I'd better get a different compiler." "And now for something we hope you'll *really* like!"
-Rob Earhart
how the hell did the contrib www server ever compile? god, this code is hideous; half of it doesn't work anyway. what drugs was i on? what's *really* running on my machine? wow.
-Rob Earhart regarding code mentioned in another quote, 18 months later
I don't just "live in interesting times"; I'm the mayor of the place. The chief of state. The patron saint.
-Rob Earhart
I guess I'd rather see machines properly administered, and software properly written; there *are* times when you want incoming connections, for instance. I'd also like a pony.
-Rob Earhart
I'll create a collection and create a file in the collection WITH AN EMBEDDED NEWLINE IN THE FILENAME AND WATCH ANDREW FALL ON ITS KNEES WHEN [THIS] CRAPPY ... CODE HITS IT.
-Rob Earhart
i'm fully convinced that the two best tools for writing code are purify and a case of guinness. (well, not really; it seems like good quotefile fodder, though. actually, i wouldn't be surprised if this made it in, too.)
-Rob Earhart
I'm generously assuming the guy was on E. If that was his normal personality, I hate him even more.
-Rob Earhart
I'm obviously the James Joyce of computer programming.
-Rob Earhart
i'm up at 3:40 in the morning because i can't get back to sleep after waking up from a dream in which i was recompiling my kitten with #define DISABLE_SHARP_CLAWS and #define NO_TRACK_CAT_LITTER.
-Rob Earhart
I've been feeling quite depressed lately. So Dan says I should see this movie; something called "The Wall." Anyone know what it's about?
-Rob Earhart
I've got your signal RIGHT HERE.
-Rob Earhart
if god meant for us to program, he's a sadist.
-Rob Earhart
life is cool, netscape blows
-Rob Earhart
lo, i am lame
-Rob Earhart
Look, dude, I jump out of planes for kicks. Going half as fast just for the thrill of wondering whether or not four rubber balloons will actually manage to keep me on the road instead of sliding off the edge and dying is reasonably cool, but more horsepower isn't gonna make it cooler...
-Rob Earhart
Look, if you didn't insist on using HTTP to walk your dog, maybe you wouldn't get screwed by it so often.
-Rob Earhart
MS is just the biggest/most visible target. MS's products suck in some ways; so do everyone's; people're just much more likely to have had to deal with MS products. I was an Ultrix/SunOS/Solaris/HPUX/IRIX/Linux sysadmin for years, I've used several other varieties of Unix a lot (Mach, AIX, &c), I've done Mac dev, and now I've had my fingers deep in NT. I've programmed in dozens of languages, seen an incredible variety of systems, and used countless applications. Everything Sucks.
-Rob Earhart
of course, *my* favorite debugger is my good friend, Mr. #define DEBUG(msg, args...) fprintf(stderr, "%d: " __FUNCTION__ ": " msg "\n", LWP_Index() , ## args)
-Rob Earhart
oops. excuse me. i used tcl. i understand that's passe these days, and that REAL cs people use python now. sorry.
-Rob Earhart
Oops. For penance, I shall recite three SASLs, a POP3-AUTH, and an LMTP.
-Rob Earhart
So the guys [trying to use NT] with the alpha are whining. They selected 'reset system to factory defaults.' It erased the disk.
-Rob Earhart
SQL makes one feel like a "traditional" housewife: it does a lot of heavy work for you, and brings home the bacon, but you gotta prepare to get screwed every so often.
-Rob Earhart
The problem with totally gratuitous amounts of hardware is that it can be arbitrarily taken away.
-Rob Earhart
This code is crap. Utter crap. Utter, pure, unadulterated CRAP. Not ONLY [could this guy not] code his way out 211, but he couldn't DESIGN an ALGORITHM that'd pass muster in 212, or a bleedin' FILE FORMAT that wouldn't get him laughed out of a PRESCHOOL.
-Rob Earhart
Today, we've secretly replaced all of Rob's chars with unsigned chars. Now, let's wash the code, and see if anyone notices.
-Rob Earhart
Try Nyquil! "We actually don't have a clue as to how to make things better, so we'll do things the old-fashioned way: 100-proof"
-Rob Earhart
2400 isn't net access, it's purgatory
-Rob Earhart
vector.h: Yikes - evil macro hell!
-Rob Earhart
Wait, I thought yinz used Linux? Why aren't highly skilled programmers popping out of the woodwork to make this thing work?
-Rob Earhart
Well, come ON. You're in CA, you know how to TURN ON a computer, are you going to go work for the freakin' DMV? No, you're going to go work for some STARTUP and make a couple billion dollars and whine about how those jerks at the DMV can't get their systems computerized properly.
-Rob Earhart
Women wonder why men aren't romantic; it's like wondering why your wonderfully playful dog who you kicked in the head last night when it tried to greet you at the door is looking rather sullen.
-Rob Earhart
Wow, you're a masochist. Why not use "perl -p -i.old -e 's/GIF/gif/g; s/JPG/jpg/g; s/^M//g; s/\.htm/.html/g;' sld*.htm; rename 's/\.htm$/.html/' sld*.htm"?
-Rob Earhart
...wrote lots of hash table code last night. only it's not just hash table code. it works with lightweight threads. i think if it werent' for the anti-cold medicine, i never would've been able to visualize the way the locks neeed to intertwine to work correctly. it'll be amusing to see if the code's readable when i'm awake again.
-Rob Earhart
Yeah! I should exchange keys with all the west-coasters while I'm out here, and then I can exchange keys with all the east-coasters, and as long as you all believe that I'm sufficiently anal-retentive, we can encrypt everything! Or something.
-Rob Earhart
you're never done overoptimizing.
-Rob Earhart
Your silence speaks volumes, or if not volumes, at least the occasional unpunctuated paragraph.
-Windom Earle "Twin Peaks"
Freaky Boys never actually have sex with anybody. They just think about it then go to McDonald's and kill a lot of people.
-Tony Earley
After all, what would it say about me if I failed to answer these questions, disregarded our agreement and went ahead and kicked Henry Miller's ass out of principle?
-Elliot Peter Earls, The Apollo Program
I am looking for Henry Miller. I think he has stolen my life. It is my life he is leading, stumbling around with - French people and eating roots with the natives. Those roots he eats are my roots - my family roots. He devours them with gusto, with a verve and a nerve that excludes me from the action. After searching high and low, I spy him engaged in the usual drunken debauchery, and call him out. "Henry," I shout, "put down the oranges of Heronimus Bosch and let's fight to the death like caged animals. With your command of the native tongue, linguistic dexterity and your prose, so generously peppered with obscenities, you should trounce me like an old lady. That's some kind of funny life you are leading - I wonder who you stole it from."
-Elliot Peter Earls, The Apollo Program
Wasn't it Sheila E., that drummer woman who danced with Prince with such reckless abandon - aren't her words the fountainhead of all our problems? These words are the source from which all flows and to which all returns. She is indeed both the Tigris and the Euphradites.
-Elliot Peter Earls, The Apollo Program
I already have a guilty conscience... I might as well have the money too.
-Wyatt Earp, "Tombstone"
I have strong feelings about gun control. If there's a gun around, I want to be controlling it.
-Clint Eastwood
There's only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it is I'll get married again.
-Clint Eastwood
If you call yourself a Designer, quit design, take up a new occupation (like tax auditor), buy some non-black clothes, normal-sized glasses, burn your AIGA card, and do design only as a hobby for awhile. Seriously.
-Eric Eaton
I returned and saw under the sun, that the race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favour to men of skill; but time and chance happen to them all.
-Ecclesiastes 9:11
Science is not a sacred cow. Science is a horse. Don't worship it. Feed it.
-Aubrey Eben
Everyone is a freshman at one point. A few grow out of it.
-Roger Ebert
Only an idiot doesn't go into his e-mail preferences and specify Plain Text instead of HTML. This is such a sane use of resources I believe it was actually mentioned in the Kyoto Accord.
-Roger Ebert
"Pearl Harbor" is a two-hour movie squeezed into three hours, about how on Dec. 7, 1941, the Japanese staged a surprise attack on an American love triangle. Its centerpiece is 40 minutes of redundant special effects, surrounded by a love story of stunning banality. The film has been directed without grace, vision, or originality, and although you may walk out quoting lines of dialog, it will not be because you admire them.
-Roger Ebert
That he will pay extra for star quality is proven by the presence of Ron Jeremy as Clark, the co-star of the movie he is making. Jeremy, for those not willing to admit they know who he is, has been in more porn films than anyone else. His popularity is easily explained: Every man alive believes that any woman would prefer him to Ron Jeremy.
-Roger Ebert
Super Touring? What's that? I always have a bit of a problem with that name. You mean Hertz?
-Bernie Ecclestone
"Brilliant," says the professor. "Very finely put. But I didn't quite understand it. Could you repeat it?" I write the sentence down in my notebook, like everyone else in the seminar. "The ode must traverse the problem of solipsism before it can approach participating in the unity which is no longer accessible." When I have pieced it together, I realise he is talking nonsense. I am struck by the thought that literary criticism - at least as it is practised here - is a hoax.
-Helena Echlin
The real hero is always a hero by mistake; he dreams of being an honest coward like everybody else.
-Umberto Eco
The terminal death of the universe is not for tomorrow.
-Umberto Eco
In the issues of December 16th 2000 to November 10th 2001, we may have given the impression that George Bush had been legally and duly elected president of the United States. We now understand that this may have been incorrect, and that the election result is still too close to call. The Economist apologises for any inconvenience.
-The Economist
The trouble with this view is, er, the facts.
-The Economist, Dec 20, 2001
I doubt my getting fired from the Dairy Queen is a bellwether of recession, but it sure is a bellwether of I stuck my wang in the butterscotch.
-Jake Edie
I do not believe that any type of religion should ever be introduced into the public schools of the United States.
-Thomas Edison
Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.
-Thomas Edison
There ain't no rules around here. We're trying to accomplish something.
-Thomas Edison
To invent, you need a good imagination and a pile of junk.
-Thomas Edison
A little learning is a dangerous thing but a lot of ignorance is just as bad.
-Bob Edwards
About the only people who don't quarrel over religion are the people who don't have any.
-Bob Edwards
The acid test is whether you take any pleasure in responding to the question, "What do you do?" I can't bear it. That's the danger of midtown Manhattan, running into far more successful contemporaries.
-Dick Edwards, Metroplitan
The only way I can lose this election is if I'm caught in bed with a dead girl or a live boy.
-Louisiana governor Edwin Edwards
Oh come on now. The minor deities are so eager to please, and the major ones have backlogs out to the end of time. Pray to your favorite minor deity - you won't be sorry.
-Mark Edwards
Mav is in his 3rd hour of conciousness and his 3543546709565245713987431th hour of confusion.
-Matt Egan
A man's ethical behavior should be based effectually on sympathy, education, and social ties; no religious basis is necessary. Man would indeed be in a poor way if he had to be restrained by fear and punshiment and hope of reward after death.
-Albert Einstein
Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not more so.
-Albert Einstein
Gravitation can not be held responsible for people falling in love.
-Albert Einstein
He (or she) to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no longer wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead.
-Albert Einstein
He who joyfully marches to music in rank and file has already earned my contempt. He has been given a large brain by mistake, since for him the spinal cord would fully suffice.
-Albert Einstein
I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.
-Albert Einstein
If A equal success, then the formula is A equals X plus Y and Z, with X being work, Y play, and Z keeping your mouth shut.
-Albert Einstein
If relativity is proved right the Germans will call me a German, the Swiss call me a Swiss citizen, and the French will call me a great scientist. If relativity is proved wrong the French will call me a Swiss, the Swiss will call me a German, and the Germans will call me a Jew.
-Albert Einstein
Imagination is more important than knowledge.
-Albert Einstein
Now he has departed from this strange world a little ahead of me. That means nothing. People like us, who believe in physics, know that the distinction between past, present, and future is only a stubbornly persistent illusion.
-Albert Einstein
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
-Albert Einstein
Science without religion is lame, religion without science is blind.
-Albert Einstein
So far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain. And so far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality.
-Albert Einstein
The important thing is never to stop questioning.
-Albert Einstein
The majority of the stupid is invincible and guaranteed for all time. The terror of their tyranny, however, is alleviated by their lack of consistency.
-Albert Einstein
The physicist's greatest tool is his wastebasket.
-Albert Einstein
The release of atom power has changed everything except our way of thinking...the solution to this problem lies in the heart of mankind. If only I had known, I should have become a watchmaker.
-Albert Einstein
The World is not dangerous because of those who do harm but because of those who look at it without doing anything.
-Albert Einstein
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
-Albert Einstein
We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.
-Albert Einstein
When you sit with a nice girl for two hours, you think it's only a minute. But when you sit on a hot stove for a minute, you think it's two hours. That's relativity.
-Albert Einstein
You see, wire telegraph is a kind of a very, very long cat. You pull his tail in New York and his head is meowing in Los Angeles. Do you understand this? And radio operates exactly the same way: you send signals here, they receive them there. The only difference is that there is no cat.
-Albert Einstein
Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired signifies in the final sense, a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and are not clothed. This world in arms is not spending money alone. It is spending the sweat of its laborers, the genius of its scientists, the hopes of its children. This is not a way of life at all in any true sense. Under the clouds of war, it is humanity hanging on a cross of iron.
-Dwight D. Eisenhower
I think that people want peace so much that one of these days governments had better get out of the way and let them have it.
-Dwight D. Eisenhower
Planning is everything; plans are nothing.
-General Eisenhower
Some stupid bugs have been replaced by newer ones.
-Heiko Eissfeldt in 'The Linux SCSI programming HOWTO'
My father is Palestinian which explains my violent tendencies and my mom is Irish which explains my violent tendencies as well.
-Nadiya El-Khatib
I think the great lesson of the 20th century is that you have to separate the ethics from the aestetics...The great lesson there is that you don't have to agree with what the Nazis did, but, yes, be honest about it, they did have the best uniforms. A lot of people can't come to terms with something as banal as that.
-Andrew Eldritch
If you design systems as though your immortal soul depended on them, then you will tend to build more reliable systems.
-Electric Communities, "Dicing with the Devil: An Introduction to Secure Protocol Design Using E Examples"
The way I lost weight ... was to be unemployed and deeply depressed, sleep through breakfast and lunch, and have very little money to buy dinner. Will power was not an issue.
-Jonathan Elgart
Why waste negative entropy on comments, when you could use the same entropy to create bugs instead?
-Steve Elias
So what's the opposite of the Constitution?
-Norman Eliaser
I suppose some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
-T. S. Eliot
I did a Taco Bell commercial where I just sort of bopped around, eating a taco in this crowd having a big party in a Taco Bell parking lot. I think the extras got paid in burritos. Then that Chihuahua came along and stole all our jobs.
-Shannon Elizabeth
There are all these different religions. What are they all arguing about? Market share!
-Chris Elliot
My philosophy of life is that the meek shall inherit nothing but debasement, frustration, and ignoble deaths...
-Harlan Ellison
The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
-Harlan Ellison
Your children use drugs, and you told them to do it. You've been pushing chemicals on TV for years: "Can't sleep? Take a drug. Not happy? Take a drug." ... Where in the world did people get the idea that it's smart to get in a car and go fast? To get in a 4x4 and tear up virgin land. You told them to do it. As much as you're subject to the whims of your deranged clients, you rule the world. You have the reins to the most powerful medium in the world - television. And the only people who can afford to advertise on television are the lowest common denominator of goods ... stuff like McDonald's toad burgers.
-Harlan Ellison
As you know, we take requests for terminations very seriously. Yours was no exception. In our continuing efforts to provide the very best customer service to out-of-state clients, your request has been granted. The requested subject was taken behind the barn and shot.
-Jeremy Elson
It was an adolescent prank. I highly recommend it.
-Larry Ellison
We've had three major generations of computing: mainframes, client/server and Internet computing. There will be no new architecture for computing for the next 1,000 years."
-Larry Ellison
Why does Woodside have lots of rich people driving pickup trucks? Late-model, clean pickup trucks with leather seats, they've got cachet, as in: 'I'm not a materialistic person and I can prove it -- I drive a pickup truck.' Trouble is, for me, I need a back seat for my kids, my briefcase, my topcoat and, you know, the $4 million in cash that people think I drive around with.
-Larry Ellison
A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
Beware when the great God lets loose a thinker on this planet. Then all things are at risk. It is as when a conflagration has broken out in a great city, and no man knows what is safe, or where it will end.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
He walks abreast with his days, and feels no shame in not 'studying a profession,' for he does not postpone his life, but lives already. He has not one chance, but a hundred chances.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
Heroism feels and never reasons, and therefore is always right.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
I hate quotations.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
It is easy in the world to live after the world's opinion; it is easy in solitude to live after our own; but the great man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
only in our easy, simple, spontaneous action are we strong.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
Society never advances. It recedes as fast on one side as it gains on the other. For every thing that is given, something is taken. Society aquires new arts, and looses old instincts...The civilized man has built a coach, but has lost the use of his feet ...His notebooks impair his memory; his libraries overload his wit; the insurance office increases the number of accidents; and it may be a question whether machinery does not encumber; whether we have not lost by refinement some energy, by a Christianity entrenched in establishments and forms, some vigor of wild virtue....The arts and inventions of each period are only its costume, and do not invigorate men. The harm of the improved machinery may compensate its good.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
The true poem is in the poet's mind; the true ship is the ship-builder.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
To be great is to be misunderstood.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
It is a statistical impossibility that everyone in the neighborhood can be a complete butthead.
-Dave Engledow
Mass times momentum? What the *hell* is that?
-Dr. Engler
A friend who was working at the Microsoft booth said that a number of people had come up and asked to see it but that (a) the people working at the Microsoft booth were Mac folks and (b) they didn't want to be tarred and feathered, an activity of some historical note in Boston.
-Adam Engst
Naturally, we went the wacky capitalization route, though we admit that it takes hard work, not just wacky capitalization, to make for a super-cool product.
-Adam Engst
the only thing vaguely scary about today's youth culture is its unprecedented purchasing power
-Entertainment Weekly
The truth is out there. Over behind that rock. Oh, wait. It moved. GET IT!!!
-Matthew Epp
... and we're doing it in such a way that we don't need to know why we're doing it...
-Dr. Michael Erdmann, on continuations in Scheme
Life is like a Wankel Engine. In between the emptiness of boredom and despair, and the compression of stress in one's life, there's that one spark of enjoyment that keeps you going.
-Lars Ericson
We must free ourselves from the prison of public education and politics.
-Epicurus, 300 B.C.
Well, the first 98% of the project takes the first 98% of the time. The other 2% of the project takes the other 98% of the time.
-Creed Erickson
It matters not how strait the gate / How charged with punishments the scroll / I am the master of my fate: / I am the captain of my soul. William Ernest
A girl with a future avoids the man with a past.
-Evan Esar
You have four years to escape CMU. If you do not escape... you become staff.
-Escape from CMU, by Dan Goldwasser and Brendan Dunham
Flame walks in to the Sabbat's meeting place and is immediately blasted with enough lead to drop a tank. He seems to enjoy that kind of thing.
-Chris Esko
Give me a couple of Uzis, a 44 Magnum, a couple grenades, a USAS 20 automatic shotgun with napalm and explosive rounds, and... a crossbow.
-Chris Esko
Never noticed huge numbers of Sabbat taking over the Washington Monument before. I guess you miss these things when you're a mortal.
-Chris Esko
Seeing that the criminal justice system was not defending my rights, I released myself into my own custody.
-Chris Esko
"Excuse me son, are you aware you were going 130mph back there? Hey, what's with the assault rifles strapped to your bike?" "Just headed for Washington, D.C., officer."
-Axel Essbaum
if yer offended by naked devil-women giving each other oral sex you shouldn't walk in and say "what kind of music do you listen to?"
-Axel Essbaum
The best thing about logging in from home is you can drin^H^H^H^Hlisten to music as loud as you want.
-Axel Essbaum
What's this "signal to noise" ratio? How'd you define "noise"?
-Axel Essbaum
Go in pieces.
-Sarah Esser
I'd be partial to the "give up, pretend to go completely psycho, and feed her some line about faded jeans to try and cover your ass while you walk out the door firing your fully automatic weapon" technique. but that's just my opinion, and when did you ever listen to me.
-Sarah Esser
nevermind, that just answered my own question. if i can't shoot her, i'll sleep with her.
-Sarah Esser
Heaven is by Grace. If it was by merit you'd stay out & your dog would go in.
-Noel Estabrook
When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child....eventually.
-Noel Estabrook
A peanut butter and jelly sandwich, and a mug of Jasmine tea. What more could a man want besides this and incredible wealth?
-Elliott "Eeyore" Evans
Boy, when you go to vote, make sure not to flip your coin up so high that the other people see it, and make sure you catch it and don't have to go crawling around on the floor looking for it while hundreds of waiting voters snicker or you'll be really embarassed.
-Elliott Evans
Dear lord, please grant me the skill and ammunition to kill everyone who deserves to be killed, the judgment to pass over those who don't, and the wisdom to ignore the difference and just kill everybody.
-Elliott Evans
Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, and a dark side, and it can consume your father if you're not careful.
-Elliott Evans
Here's a hint. When you think your code to exec a shell function is just not working, never, repeat NEVER send it "/etc/reboot" just to see what happens.
-Elliott Evans
I have come to the decision that "user-friendly" is basically a mistake because it allows any idiot to use a computer. Just like automatic transmissions are a mistake for the same reason. Also books on tape, instant coffee, and disposable pens, but I digress.
-Elliott Evans
I've just about had it with this 'kinkier than thou' attitude.
-Elliott Evans
I shot Jon and all I got was his bloody tshirt.
-Elliott Evans
Isn't that cool? I mean, if think you committed a crime, they can only hold you for 24 hours without pressing charges, but if they just say, "He's nuts!" they can hold you for five times that; they just have to do it in a different building with "orderlies" instead of "guards." Moral: If you're going to be locked up, make sure it's for something you did, not something you thought.
-Elliott Evans
Just because *you're* not a member of the conspiracy, doesn't mean the conspiracy isn't *cool*.
-Elliott Evans
Like this topic hasn't been endlessly killed by the weiners on the "pgh.food" newsgroup. The two camps of opinion are basically these: It's not authentic, I don't care.
-Elliott Evans
Nothing beats playing DOOM on the plane. Except maybe if I could video conference with the babe up in row 8.
-Elliott Evans
Quark is the Satan's Pitchfork of the magazine world.
-Elliott Evans
...some of the newer beepers also have a vibra-mode. Don't keep these in your pants-pocket, kids. '...I'm *so* glad you called.'
-Elliott Evans
Stock market prognosticators and tea leaves: Two things that I'm happy to see in hot water.
-Elliott Evans
The rhetoric of the pedagogy of the opressed really bites my weenie.
-Elliott Evans
While Federated's mail seems to be working, I will send a quick message to prove I am still alive. Help! I'm trapped in a huge financial company with intermittent email! Send MIS professionals immediately!
-Elliott Evans
After long thought, I and several of my friends came to the conclusion that this was designed to prevent cheating. I won't comment on that: The idea that a CMU student could not cheat if they wanted to is more insulting than the implication that they would.
-Ethan Evans
Hey! This is *my* cluster. *I* get to beat the users.
-Ethan Evans
When will Microsoft "embrace & extend" porn?
-Scott Evans