Steve Kellett

Will Answer To:
Bonzo, "Hey Shithead...", Grappler, "Turn that fuckin' guitar *down*"

Vital Information:

Born:
22 April 1960

Born At:
Hull, Yorkshire, England. "From Hell, Hull, and Halifax, the good Lord save us"

Currently Resides In:
Malaysia

Physical Description:
5'9", 190 lbs. Or as a Hell's Angel female one put it (in conversation with my then girlfriend) "Oh, the one what's built like a brick shithouse, yeah?"

Hobbies:
Drinking Beer, playing guitar, drinking beer, running, drinking beer, weight training, drinking beer, and drinking beer. Did I remember drinking beer?

Steve's Thoughts on Hangover Prevention:
While the conventional wisdom is that hangovers can be avoided by proper upfront preparation (such as clearing a path to the bathroom and drinking loads of water), Steve says:

"I agree with the late great Willy Rushton* on this one - If you're sober enough to remember to drink the water/take the asprin/put the bucket by the bed/leave the toilet seat upright, the hangover probably wasn't going to be that much of a bastard anyhow.

"If however you were that slammed you regain conciousness the next morning with contact lenses still inserted, the light on, and no recollection of anything the previous evening after 10pm. You're fucked boy. It's just a miracle you made it home at all."

* Freely adapted from his seminal work "Superpig" which was the single mans kick-back at Superwoman.

Life's Ambition:
To die drunk, "in flegrante delicto" with an 18 year old on my 100th birthday. Shit, a man can dream can't he?

Steve's Drunken Stories:

"Anyone Seen a G-String?"
"Big Jim"
"Blowing in the Wind"
"Great Tigers I Have Seen Parked"
"Hell, This Town's Gonna Kill Me..."
"'Mudman' - The Kellett Archives Part 5"
"The Taiping Two-step (and other stories)"