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Date: 27 Jul 96 Jaz wrote: ..puke in trash can as I'd have pissed down the sink.(fx - 30 Seconds of badly played theme from "The Twilight Zone" followed by an empty Lowenbrau can bouncing off Steve K's forehead...) Another excerpt from my memoirs. (File under "Great Tigers I have seen parked") Many many years ago (about 1979-80, shortly after I was dating a girl who last year I spotted as a BBC political correspondant on TV - I nearly dropped my bacon sarnie) when I was a callow youth of some 20 years, and attending University deep in the Cu... sorry Kent Countryside, I ended up rooming with a total nerd who's sole redeeming feature was the fact that he'd fuck-off back to mummy & daddys for weeks on end when he'd cleared up his essay schedule. Anyhow, one Friday night me and a bunch of mates went out and got totally ripped on a combination of legal and not-so-legal substances, and as I had a double room (and they all lived like 5-10 miles off campus) my place was designated as crashing spot. So we reeled into the room (about eight of us if I recall) only to find that the flatulant lump had returned, and was, as usual, sound asleep in his w*nking pit. Bollocks. So what do we do? We went and borrowed the usual pile of seat cushions from various rec rooms about the place, and the lads all bedded down, sufficantly quietly that the aforementioned nerd didn't wake up. During the night one of the lads ("Mushrooms" Pete "Piss-a-pint" can't remember his second name) woke up and needed to hurl. He made it as far as the sink, which of course had the usual fungus farm of stolen crockery in it, and the plug in. Next morning comes far too early (like it always does), and nerdie wakes up. (I'd been awake for a bit and was just waiting to see the reaction). The roomwas about 20 foot by ten foot, two single beds, twos desks, the usual UK university "prisoners would riot if they had to live in this never mind pay for the priivilege" accomodation cell. There was barely a square inch of floor to be seen for various inebriates laying on heaps of chair cushions in varying states of distress. Nerdie surveys this scene with a look of utter disgust on his face, then goes to the sink to clean his teeth, spots the two inches of cold vomit lurking there (The half digested orange segment was a particularly nice touch), and leaves without saying a word. As soon as the door shut behind him we all cracked up. I don't think he ever spoke to me again, thank fuck (and I thought taking women back and shagging whle he was trying to sleep in the next bed was bad enough. Hey, you can't say I didn't try [g]) To "Park a Tiger" - To hurl, chunder, call god on the great white 'phone, call for hughie (If in a Spanish speaking area, Juan or Jose will suffice), deliver a pavement pizza, barf, puke, etc. |