Subject: Re: Another Drinking Related Injury
Date: Sun, 12 Oct 1997 17:26:57 -0500
Never tried that [beer in macaroni and cheese], and now I'll be sure I never do. I have,
however, made a quite serviceable fish batter using Wheat Thins, an egg, and Jim Beam.
From: "Angie&Dave" <Angie10"@"prodigy.net>
Subject: Re: Random thought from Oso...
Date: 16 Oct 1997 05:10:38 GMT
Funny you should mention that...thanks for the intro. Worked all dammed week in the yard, raking leaves. Trying to keep the new neighbors from figuring out we're really drunken slouches. So, Dave calls from Germany, crocked out of his mind, having a great time. I start in on the cider while I'm talking to him, sucking down 4 in about an hour. By the time we hang up, the sun is setting, so I decide to take out the garbage, so I won't have to do it in the morning. I'm pretty buzzed, hauling a big bag crammed full of leaves and garbage down, and I fall. Of course, every freaking one of my neighbors has to be out. This fall wouldn't have fazed me 10 years ago, but somehow I managed to twist my freaking knee. I go to get up, and it hurts. I have to sit there for a minute...no playing this off. So, the sweet little old lady next door comes over to help. The trash that was in that bag was primarily beer and cider bottles, and they're now laid out all over the drive way. I'm trying to play it off, she's trying to maintain conversation. All I really remember is seeing her give me a funny look as I was standing up stammering something like "the good thing about staying drunk is that pain goes away pretty fast." Well, now she'll be inviting us to church. It's ok though - we need a reputation!
From: kevnjon@aol.com (KevNJon)
Subject: Re: Drunks from Wisconsin: A Postscript
Date: 22 Oct 1997 01:39:40 GMT
Mark, if you're a Wildcat fan with the team at 1-3 in conference play, then you and I must most definitely get together and drink, for two reasons. One, you'll need it to get through the season, and two, because you're obviously a man who puts integrity and good sportsmanship above all else. I like that in someone I'm expecting to pay the bar tab.
From: Trigger <trigger@sk.sympatico.ca>
Subject: Re: IF beer is brown, why is piss yellow?
Date: Sun, 07 Sep 1997 19:00:49 -0700
I find that when drinking heavily, it's a wise idea to throw a plastic plant in the tub and just piss all over the potted little bastard.
From: jeremiah@idt.net (Jeremiah Kristal)
Subject: Re: Cider...whoo hoo!
Date: Thu, 25 Sep 1997 03:34:37 GMT
Editor's Note: The location is a bar in Vermont.
We went out one night into the nearest town (15 scary miles away) and grabbed a table at one of the two local bars. We got a bit worried when people with less teeth than fingers sat themselves down at our table, but we soon realized that we were sharing a table with the Mayor, the Chief of Police, and the Fire Chief. We ended up drinking a bit too much that night and were planning to just sleep in the car, but the Chief of Police said we looked sober enough to drive (the only thing we could have hit was a lost cow) and had the deputy escort us all the way home.
From: "Mark Mathu" <mmathu@ix.netcom.com>
Subject: Re: Drunken haikus
Date: 24 Oct 1997 23:37:01 GMT
beer, beer, beer, beer, beer
beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, beer
beer, beer, beer, beer, barf
From: jaZZ <jshaw@stny.lrun.com>
Subject: Re: Drunken haikus
Date: Sat, 25 Oct 1997 09:34:05 -0400
One of the more entertaining web sites I rand across during an Alta
Vista search on drink related topics re-printed a news article, in which
it was claimed that a man in London has a dog which he has trained to go
to the store and get booze, smokes, small grocery items, etc.
Apparently, the dog has a backpack of sorts, and the man puts a note
detailing what he wants along with some money it. The dog knows to go
to the store, wait until the goods are placed in the pack, then returns
home with the goods and the change. My dog can't even facking shit
outside if it's raining. Hrmph.
From: kevnjon@aol.com (KevNJon)
Subject: Re: Drunken haikus
Date: 25 Oct 1997 04:08:12 GMT
Fiuck mde,, birsdsiuer, if oou and i dnad spoenon toghrtterh, hen] i[d be lid really pissedd off. bust as we have, who fogive assd fi flying. Yeah trhis this irs crap is a bundhch of booovkokds, as you know. so lets forrgeet aout it and rink. fuck.
From: dukedude3@aol.com (Dukedude3)
Subject: this is too much
Date: 25 Oct 1997 13:07:49 GMT
My daughter just told me someone named Birdman called me last night. She asked me if he was who I was talking to the other night. I said yes he was. She said I thought so, because he sounded "all happy".
From: VetteBeer
Subject: Self-inflicted punishment
Date: 1 Nov 1997 07:41:37 GMT
Reparationsm ut be paidfor missing the CC. I regret myabsence but I tried to
punsih myselft to ameliorate any issues.
To discipline myself I bought a bottle of Firewater. I drank form the
Fijhrewater and lsot many osd myt sensdes. I aslok fell over trwice. I
think.
FIRew ater , bad!@!!!
WQahtc...I'l slamk my head into the scerenn....
From: Marquis de Ska
Subject: Re: CC-Drunken Bastards et al.
Date: Thu, 06 Nov 1997 18:06:25 -0800
Well, Robo, as a newbie myself, I can honestly say that a) this group is
a good fun bunch of people with no pride (they will drink with almost
anyone, but Sp**n) and that b) making an ass of yourself is important,
because it will give other people something to make jokes about.
In Short....Welcome!
From: "Gail Warnings" <glegs@juno.com>
Subject: Re: 70's Question
Date: Sat, 8 Nov 1997 10:41:44 -0500
Shhhhh!! Mark!! You can't admit you *ever* drove while drunk, even in the 70's. Haven't you noticed how PC we have to be lately? Ixnay on the iving-dray while unk-dray!!!!
Just a word to the wise.
From: Greg & KT
Subject: From a recent IRC session...
Date:
<gregm> kt, on our wedding nite just had to have one last drink as im carrying her outta the pub, smash ! a whole johnnie&coke on the pool deck.
From: Greg & KT
Subject:
Date:
"Get Drunk
From: Mark Mathu
Subject: Re: Get Thee to a Nunnery
Date: 12 Nov 1997 06:17:00 GMT
I've vomited on lots of things that weren't evil in my lifetime, anaïs.
My '71 Pontiac comes to mind as an example. Thank god for vinyl seats.
From: Jaz
Subject: Re: Cross posting problem... Re: any other drunks out there
Date: Wed, 19 Nov 1997 21:48:18 +0000
Last week in London I came across Old English 5% cider in a 3 litre bottle for £2.99. Usually 2 litre bottles are £3.30. It was on special and I nearly had a heart attack lugging my alcohol trophies home!
From: Jaz
Subject: Re: Cross posting problem... Re: any other drunks out there
Date: Wed, 19 Nov 1997 22:03:00 +0000
Posts to ADB are not to follow the lines of the charter. While group participants are encouraged to get drunk, everyone is expected to maintain a certain amount of drunkeness and Bastardity. Profane language should be encouraged as there are sober readers, old asshuffers and God fearing AA people on ADB.
From: Jane & Chris
Subject: Re: Finest beer on earth
Date: Sat, 22 Nov 1997 23:16:46 -0500
Yeah, but my problem is this: if someone loves me for what I am, then they love the fact that I like to drink. And if they love the fact that I like to drink, It's because they drink more than me. And if you drink more than me, thn Whoa Nelly, you are one fucked up person.
From: kevnjon@aol.com (KevNJon)
Subject: Re: TEST
Date: 28 Nov 1997 03:33:17 GMT
I'm a professional, Scott. I'm not paid to have opinions.
From: "Darsy" <darren@sticky.not>
Subject: Drinking and Travelling
Date: Mon, 1 Dec 1997 15:10:32 -0000
Pity about the red wine on the plane though. I mean, I've come to expect fairly crappy French red on the flights from Belfast<->London, but this stuff had actually been in the fridge as well - I had to sit on the bottle for 15 minutes before opening it - the woman sitting beside me gave me a very odd look indeed, when I eventually produced a bottle of wine from between my legs, and started drinking it.
From: yopu@sirius.com
Subject: Christmas Tree Time
Date: Mon, 01 Dec 1997 16:54:13 -0800
Well, we didn't plan on taking any showers, so we didn't bring any towels or shit like that, so I tell Frank that he's got some cleanup to do, because that's one of the rules: If you puke, you clean it up. And I don't plan on riding in a jack-beer-turkey-dinner-puke truck back down the mountain. Frank's hurting pretty bad. Jody comes up laughing like shit, because he's heard the whole thing now, and Frank is kinda moaning about to just shoot him now and put him out of his misery.
From: "Mark Mathu" <mmathu@ix.netcom.com>
Subject: Re: South Park Drinking?
Date: 23 Nov 1997 07:25:30 GMT
Brian Hess(Bee) <tincan@super.zippo.com> wrote...
>Damn, This drinking thing sure is an expensive habit..er..hobbie!
It's a "hobby" not a habbit. A hobby is something you do in your spare time for fun, and that would be drinking!
From: Ed O'Brien <wolf@intersurf.com>
Subject: News from the deep south!
Date: Tue, 25 Nov 1997 09:51:44 -0600
Fcuking weird shit goinohg so I'll just yo.
Hp on TWA flight (xxx) and demanbd BEer. Deniedd. Faeke anxiety seizure.
Suddnly stews are comlpliant to widhes.....hgot to New Orlewabns....drank
5 hansd fgrenadesa...grenades...fun ensued......willl supply more whnec can
typee
From: jrv7472@is.nyu.edu (jrv7472)
Subject: Crying in tha wilderness...
Date: 24 Nov 1997 17:24:37 GMT
AGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
Ya know it is really depressing when your goddamn posts don't even show up at your own newsfeed. Anyways, I turn 36 today, and I plan to get a little buzzed. Hokay, fairly inebriated. Allright, totally puke-on-the-shoes, obnoxious, big-holes in the memory, wife-not-talking-to-me, fucked-up.
WooHoo...a Monday....
From: Jane & Chris <greenpea@interlog.com>
Subject: Re: Drinking in the shower
Date: Mon, 15 Dec 1997 19:38:43 -0500
ha ha! that's excellent!
You could rephrase it into a DB joke:
Why Do they put those little umbrellas in your drink?
So you can drink them in the shower!
Or: so you don't have to leave the patio when it stars to rain!
From: jaZZ <jaZZ@drunkenbastards.org>
Subject: Re: My first blackout (was: Re: Excuse)
Date: Sun, 16 Nov 1997 17:17:51 -0500
I'm fairly sure I've blacked out a number of times, but damned if I remember anything.
From: xxxjoel@bway.net (xxxjoel)
Subject: Re: Chinese Cannibalism - Ten Second Rule?
Date: Tue, 18 Nov 1997 00:13:14 GMT
Ronaski, that's always a good move at the bar to induce vomiting on a dare or to score some easy drink money on a tasteless-type of bet. Other methods include: consuming objects previously residing in nasal passages (your orifices as well as others), licking dirty ashtrays (which might make *you* puke if you're not accustomed to the foul taste and subsequent mild stomach ache), plucking and then eating pubic hairs, and graphic descriptions of your most recent bowel movements.
From: "Gail Warnings" <glegs@juno.com>
Subject: Re: What ho!
Date: Fri, 21 Nov 1997 07:06:17 -0500
I've said this before and I'll say it again. If you are a drunken bastard for real, DUMP HER!! You'll never be able to drink the way you want without having a guilt trip, so get out before it's too late. Wimmen who don't drink are wimmen who are expendable. Make your choices more carefully from now on and meet your GFs in bars.
From: Jane & Chris <greenpea@interlog.com>
Subject: Re: Concerning the cultivation of Epic Piss.
Date: Sat, 22 Nov 1997 22:49:32 -0500
While we're talking about pee...
Do men experience the problem of "breaking the seal" like women do?
That is, you can drink your first 2 or 3 pints without having to piss, but once you go and "break the seal", you're in the washroom every 20 minutes after that.
Whenever I'm at the Dodger with my friends, the 1st gal to get up for a whizz is usually taunted with the cries of "DON'T BREAK THE SEAL, MAN!!! DON'T DO IT!!! YOU KNOW WHAT'LL HAPPEN!!!"
From: jaZZ <jaZZ@drunkenbastards.org>
Subject: Re: Whisky and Christmas trees
Date: Mon, 22 Dec 1997 07:13:26 -0500
According to the rules that came with my copy of the latest release of the CD Rom version of TGWDG (The Gail Warnings Drinking Game - patent pending) this post alone means that I need to drink.... ummm.......... Georg!!! Run to the Likker Store!
jaZZ
-thank Gawd she didn't say "fack" or they'd be pumping my
stomache.
From: GRay <ggpray@gte.net>
Subject: Re: Hello, I'm Antonio
Date: Wed, 31 Dec 1997 20:28:51 -0400
I've nevered wondered-My dream girl is a blind nymphomaniac who owns a likker store AND holds the patent on a new series of synthetic opiates....
From: "Leaf" <leaf@leafy.demon.co.uk>
Subject: Re: Thanx to Gonz
Date: Thu, 1 Jan 1998 12:42:43 -0000
A $1 prostitute could blow your mind dumbass monkeyboy.
Jaz -- It's sunny outside!
From: keltic@zip.com.au (Gerard Newham)
Subject: Newbies and shit
Date: 30 Dec 1997 15:50:48 GMT
Who said thou shalt know fuckloads about booze? Who cares a rat's arse if vodka is distilled, brewed, or passed from the Holy Bladder of one of God's Angels? Or thou shalt have perfect diction? Where is it graven in stone that all adb posters will possess perfect English diction with knowledge of the various cases? Shit, I went through 10 years of private education and I wouldn't have a clue about some of these more esoteric grammatic points, and more to the point, I couldn't give a fuck...I thought the rule here was thou shalt get shitfaced, yea, verily, and post reports of thy fuckwittedness.
From: Jane &Chris <greenpea@interlog.com>
Subject: Re: Thanx to Gonz
Date: Fri, 09 Jan 1998 23:27:06 -0500
Hell, my problem is, every time I go out, I manage to convince myself this ids the one time I WONT wake up with a hangover.
From: "Mark Andeson" <spammersdie@easynet.co.uk>
Subject: Re: Another CC on the IRC
Date: Fri, 9 Jan 1998 22:27:17 -0000
I've got to stop typing mow because I can't see
From: dukedude3@aol.com (Dukedude3)
Subject: Re: Another CC on the IRC
Date: 9 Jan 1998 10:43:34 GMT
I have a theory that sitting on bar stools leads to passing out and ending all your drunken fun. Leastways, I find that whenever I sit my drunk ass in a barstool that's what happens. Cors the only reason I sit down in the first place is cuz I'm too drunk to stand up.
From: jrv7472@is.nyu.edu (jrv7472)
Subject: X-mas Chili...
Date: 9 Jan 1998 17:43:16 GMT
Editor's Note: How to make chili from leftovers in your fridge.
Next day, scrape the grease off the top and re-heat. Add beans. Taste.
Vomit from spice and hangover. Tell wife that breakfast is ready, and she
better get on those dishes, they ain't going to do themselves. Decide now
would be a good time to walk the dog.
From: alanh@iafrica.com (alanh)
Subject: Re: "Potential Accident"
Date: Fri, 09 Jan 98 09:44:19 GMT
Why anyone would want to drink a wine with an aftertaste of fruit-cocktail is beyond me. But then again you say it was free and we all know how good the free stuff tastes.
From: lombardo@cnj.digex.net (Jim & Noreen)
Subject: Re: "Potential Accident"
Date: Sun, 11 Jan 1998 14:58:09 -0500
Hiya, Leaf! We've been pretty much too busy to keep up with the NG.
Today's big project is to make a large batch of pea soup from a huge
hambone that Jim's mom gave us. The last time this was attempted, there
was true drunken cookery. As Jim just exclaimed, "a drunken pair of us
spilled pea soup everywhere!"
It WAS everywhere. It was like a scene from "The Exorcist." Even the cat had a crusty green coat the next morning. That stuff dries up hard. It was under the stove, on top of the stove, over the floor and down two walls. I think what happened is that I dropped one of the huge pots we use to cook the stuff. Or maybe Jim did and he just blamed me. I have no idea, because I have very little recollection of the event beyond the 15th or so shot of tequila.
Noreen
From: riddler@enterprise.net (Riddler)
Subject: Re: The Moustache Question
Date: Sat, 10 Jan 1998 23:33:01 GMT
Aha ! Not so. In the very unlikely event of Rab and I being vertical at the same time, then I'm half an inch less vertically challenged than him. Anyway, it's very handy being considered a useful place for people to put their beer glasses.
From: lombardo@cnj.digex.net (Jim & Noreen)
Subject: Drunken Pea Soup Cookery
Date: Sun, 11 Jan 1998 17:15:07 -0500
Here's a quick pea soup update. The hambone has already hit the floor.
We're not even drunk yet - just a few beers and 3 or 4 shots of spiced rum
- and Jim already dropped the hambone. It hit pretty hard, dislodging
large chunks of meat, much to the cat's delight. (We think the cat is
purring "Ave Maria," but it's pretty hard to tell.)
From: moco@mail.utexas.edu (antonio bolognio)
Subject: Re: Woohoo!! Day off!
Date: Tue, 13 Jan 1998 15:01:42 -0600
I figure my liver is about the size of buddy epsons head about now.
From: alanh@iafrica.com (alanh)
Subject: Re: 14 lbs heavier and none the wiser
Date: Tue, 13 Jan 98 07:10:40 GMT
I have to agree there, Jeremiah, but just because I have a set of clubs,
doesn't mean I intend playing. Now I merely sling them over the shoulder at
2pm, mumble something to the boss about damn clients wanting to play a round
(not around!!) and trundle off to the bar. Not only do I score points for
'entertaining' the clients, but I also get to drink on the company...
Golf clubs are also make a very good agrument when them pesky Mormons come
a'knocking!
From: jay@Lauren.dyn.ml.org (Jason Powell)
Subject: Hrmm...
Date: 15 Jan 1998 00:49:24 GMT
I'm drunk as hell and something's been pissing me off.
wuz watchin kids in the hall. that show pisses me off, but fuck it, i'm
loaded.
anyways, this woman comes on my tv and FUCK was she built. i mean, she
could fall and not worry about hurting her nose
but, she starts talking about maxi pads.
i'm like hello
she's like "I like being comforable"
and i'm like "oh yah"
then she's like "and i don't want a big pad getting in my way"
and i'm like "FUCK! Take yer clothes off or something."
it's like, she's good lookin' and all that, but i don't need to hear that
shit
i like the car, i don't really care if it leaks oil
dammit.
well, that's one drunken rant off my chest, now i'm gonna see what you
other drunks are going on about
From: Rane <rane@avana.net>
Subject:
Date: Fri, 16 Jan 1998 13:48:03 -0500
Owiee...sounds a bit like the stuff I encountered once a while back...over at my cousins, and he handed me a jelly jar with clear liquid in it (always a bad sign) and said "Smell this. Hell, if ya got the balls, take a drink" Needless to say, it was 10-15 year old homemade sourmash whiskey (keep in mind I DO live in the southern US), and the smell burned out my nose hairs. I tried some and almost instantly got the spins. The kicker was when he told me that they took an old lawnmower and actually got it to run with that stuff in the gas tank.
He wouldn't let me take it home to drink, tho.
From: gonz@drunkenbastards.org (Gonz)
Subject: Re: BINKY'S Lid
Date: 17 Jan 1998 19:55:01 -0700
Spice Girls are on PPV. I'm not sure if I should puke or strip.
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