Subject: Re: Drunken party tales, dealing with spammers.. what a weekend.
Date: Mon, 30 Jun 1997 00:23:48 GMT
Well, that's the conclusion I came to. I had a friend who worked in a path. lab. She took a blood sample from my brother and myself mid - 40oz session. When she processed it next day, she said it smelled of vodka! She also left puncture marks and bruises all over my arm, and I had a job persuading my wife that I hadn't started main-lining hard drugs!
From: Leaf <Leaf@leafy.demon.co.uk>
Subject: Re: ! FREE PSYCHIC READINGS!! 1-800-677-8048 FREE!!
Date: Wed, 2 Jul 1997 12:17:01 +0100
>Hear a gifted psychic speak your fortune and future
>on 1-800-677-8048 our special samples line where you
>can try a psychic reading free. Don't take the word
>of others - see for yourself just how accurate they are.
>Adults over 18 only.
Fuck the fuck fucking fuck off...............is that psychic enough????????????
From: jwilliam@digmo.org.no.hormel (Birdman Brews)
Subject: Re: Hangover Prevention Cure
Date: 13 Jul 1997 02:08:52 GMT
<snip some information fer hangover "cures.">
Nah.
A. Two shots of sour mash Kentucky whiskey.
B. Start right in on a twelve pack of beer.
C.Fart. <to relieve stomach pain> a standard.
D.Call up all yer drunk assed freinds to see if they are doing the same.
E.Drink more til ya fall down for the count.
F.Wake up and repeat process A.
From: Jane & Chris <greenpea@interlog.com>
Subject: Re: Quotations (famous and not so famous)
Date: Wed, 16 Jul 1997 22:18:21 -0500
I always try to remember that line when someone tells me I'm drunk, but it usually comes out like, "Well, I may be ugly, I mean, I'm not ugly, and in the morning I'll be drunk!" or something like that.
From: jimlafronz@nospamworldnet.att.net (Buckshot)
Subject: Lies my Doctor told me about drinking
Date: Mon, 21 Jul 1997 23:17:01 GMT
I figure within five or ten years, modern science will be putting
baboon livers into humans, so all I'll need is a healthy baboon in the
backyard foolish enough to trade livers with me. That's the only
reason I have any truck with practitioners of the medical arts at all.
I'll need one M.D. ready to spring into action when I feel my liver
collapsing. A cry of "Prep the baboon!" and I'm off to the O.R.
From: surfbaud@waverider.co.uk.NO.UCE (Dave Hemming)
Subject: Delurk introduction - and tales of the unexpected hangover
Date: Mon, 21 Jul 1997 22:15:32 GMT
I went. The Maths Society, in their wisdom, had provided 39 bottles of wine from various different countries, covered the labels, and expected us to identify the countries of origin. Ha! The 13 of us who had bothered to turn up could do the maths on that one. We were, after all, maths students and simple fractions were not beyond us. Three bottles of wine each for £2! That was a sum we could all appreciate. Oh, we kept up appearances for a while - sampling carefully, looking quizzical, shouting "France!" occasionally for the look of it - but it pretty much descended into an orgy of boozing fairly quickly. I, alas, was an innocent first year and was no match for the hardened livers of the more experienced students, who were necking it back while I was still delicately sipping and guessing at Eastern Europe. Suffice it to say that I got drunk, but not that drunk.
Lectures that afternoon were considerably more amusing than usual.
From: keltic@zip.com.au (Gerard Newham)
Subject: Re: UAP
Date: 26 Jul 1997 02:57:38 GMT
Hmm...I seem to be more of a hotdog man, specially when attending bike shows... after one of these events I customarily wake up with a sore head, sundry bits of unburnt weed in my teeth and tomato and chilli sauce down my shirt and spattered on my boots. Gotta love it.
From: chrisf@uniserve.com (Canadian)
Subject: Re: Damn memory loss!
Date: Fri, 01 Aug 1997 13:21:12 GMT
The moral of the story is that in ANY drinking contest involving Tequila, the TEQUILA always wins.
From: "Mark Mathu" <mmathu@ix.netcom.com>
Subject: Re: Beer drinker turns to wine in a crisis
Date: 4 Aug 1997 17:45:53 GMT
I believe "friggin' wine" refers to a vintage grown in the fertile Bordeaux region...
The term for the nectar of the vine from the beautiful Sonoma Valley would be "frickin' wine..."
And of course, wine grown in the San Fernando Valley is called "Like, Oh! My God! It's bitchen' wine, like you know?"
From: "Mark Mathu" <mmathu@ix.netcom.com>
Subject: Re: I got Dunlap's Disease
Date: 31 Jul 1997 01:41:33 GMT
Editor's Note: This quote is referring to the dreaded "Dunlap Disease".
I don't know what causes it, but I've noticed the same thing happening to me -- just as I'm approaching my mid-thirties. I'm not sure if there's much else we can do but eliminate food ('cept for pickles, olives, and other miscellaneous drink garnishes) from the diet.
From: "E.S.InterGalactic" <path@telepath.com>
Subject: Re: Never got Drunk
Date: Fri, 15 Aug 1997 18:14:18 -0500
Marc wrote:
>
> Hello,
>
> I've never been drunk...what do I do???
Being one never to shirk the burden of handing out advice like it was food stamps let me be the first to step right up here and offer a few suggestions;
1. Get a fake ID that allows you to be old enough to buy alcohol.
These are most easily obtained from a gypsy or by a brief visit to the
Russian Mafia.
2. Sit out in front of a convenience, liquor store or bar like a waif
and beg everyone who goes in and out to buy you alcohol, "Just a pint,
mate?".
3. Buy and train a small monkey, shave it and teach it to walk upright
like a human, then send it into the aforementioned convenience, liquor
store or bar. Believe me, noone will question a serious looking shaved
monkey that buys its own drinks.
4. Rent an elephant and smash ass your way into the nearest liquor
store shouting "Rogue Elephant! Rogue Elephant! and grab all you can
then run like hell. If you are quick enough you can make off with a
nifty stash before the police arrive and everyone will blame it on the
elephant.
5. Boldly walk into the nearest bar and proclaim, "I am as FACKIN'
thirsty as a Desert Beaver!" With any luck one of two things will
happen;
A. The bartender will serve you whatever you want.
B. You will have lucked into a Desert Beaver Convention and everyone,
including the bartender will get you whatever you want.
There I hope that helps, I must go get drunk now.
From: Jane & Chris <greenpea@interlog.com>
Subject: Re: Saturday night Vegas update
Date: Tue, 19 Aug 1997 21:41:56 -0500
Anyhow, next year, regardless of wherever you all are going, I'm going to Costa Rica. Plane fare is cheap, hotels are cheap, drinks are ridiculously cheap. Malaria is also abundant, but ya gotta take the good with the bad, eh?
From: dukedude3@aol.com (Dukedude3)
Subject: Re: hangovers
Date: 24 Aug 1997 15:39:17 GMT
Kev's right. You should be concerned about tylenol and alcohol. It can
cause serious liver damage. Yeh, I know so can the amount of booze I
drink. But the secret there is to give your liver a break occasionally.
Your liver can completely regenerate itself in a very short amount of
time, but it has to have an occasional break from alcohol. Small price to
pay for being able to be a drunken bastard.
From: "Angie" <Angie10"@"prodigy.net>
Subject: Re: drinking and burning bridges
Date: 26 Aug 1997 04:41:09 GMT
I tell my friends that the strangers are fucking idiots, and I get really embarrassed when the strangers tell me I have a big mouth and I should shut up and get the hell away from them.
From: Graz <hydrograz@bee.net>
Subject: Re: hangovers
Date: Thu, 28 Aug 1997 00:28:33 +0000
Puking is a physical activity. Sometimes it is aerobic activity.
From: Jaz <Jaz@vain.demon.co.uk>
Subject: Re: An Alphabetical Masterpeice
Date: Mon, 1 Sep 1997 22:41:49 +0100
Yes, You become a Cider Diciple which makes you:-
1. Stagger around without a care.
2. Have nipplesex.
3. Have Elbow sex.
4. Spill wine over yourself.
5. Understand Bradford accents.
6. Get on monorails without paying...
From: rlamber1@kent.kent.edu (Reilly Lambert)
Subject: vacation in south carolina
Date: 2 Sep 1997 23:27:54 GMT
just got back from south carolina. sorry I didn't send anyone postcards. I was drunk a lot and ate really well.
From: xxxjoel@bway.net (xxxjoel)
Subject: Re: Bigots!
Date: Sun, 07 Sep 1997 17:08:36 GMT
Keep a couple of things in mind-- people cannot change skin colo[u]rs or genders, aside from several thousand dollars' in surgeries. I've encountered assholes who exhibit any and all skin colo[u]rs, genders, religious orientations, et ceterola. Without a doubt, there are DBs in each and every race and culture, as well as assholes to boot, so the next time some choad with a darker/lighter complexion or different gender or sexual orientation than you talks some shit, chalk his/her ass up to yet another one of them sober fucks out to spoil the fun and destroy the ways of life as you and I know it.
From: lombardo@cnj.digex.net (Jim & Noreen)
Subject: Re: The AA Subway Conspiracy
Date: Sun, 14 Sep 1997 14:35:51 -0400
There's a great section of track in Boston where little brown mice dart in and out of the railroad ties, lightening fast. A few minutes before a train arrives -- before people can feel or hear it -- the mice all disappear. Train leaves and out they come again. Kinda like DBs and sunrise...
From: Jaz <Jaz@vain.demon.co.uk>
Subject: Re: Come On Jaz's Mum!
Date: Mon, 15 Sep 1997 20:49:41 +0100
I remeber me & Rab at the late stages of drunkness stood at a bar by
ourselves. We were going to raid Oso's room. The barman turn to us and
said "What ya having?....I'm not serving him!" as he pointed at Rab.
I thought what a facking cheek! I was drunk too!
Then again I wasn't swaying alarmingly shouting "Slappers!!"
From: Mark Mathu
Subject: Re: beer and black beans
Date: 24 Sep 1997 05:15:47 GMT
Beano works on beans, unfortunately Reilly should have taken some beero also. Some brands of beer don't "burn very clean," if you know what I mean.
From: Jane & Chris <greenpea@interlog.com>
Subject: Re: Cider T-Shirts - Woohoo!
Date: Fri, 26 Sep 1997 19:16:11 -0500
I've got a cider t-shirt... it's covered in light yellow stains and smells faintly like apples.
From: Brent Killion
Subject: Re: NOT drinking in moderation
Date: 3 Oct 1997 02:37:48 GMT
Amazing how drunks think isn't it? My personal method of ensuring that a adequate supply of booze is on hand is to keep two separate supply locations. I'm a beer drinker and have a fridge outdoors on the patio where the majority of my supply is kept. Usually it's a keg, but I keep a 12 or 18 pack in the fridge inside "just in case". Sort of a backup if you will.
Then "just in case" a disaster occurs and I go through the keg AND the stash inside, I have a bottle or two of hard liqour - scotch and bourbon.
This program has on occasion failed me and I've had to make the early morning calls to friends asking if I can "borrow" a 12pack until the stores open at 6:00am. Boy, how touchy some people get at 4:30am when a drunk is phoning asking if they can spare a 12!!