Subject: Re: Disgusting!
Date: Thu, 15 Feb 1996 20:06:10 -0500
Editor's Note: In response to some drivel that some asshuffer spewed.
ADB is populated by the smartest, the strongest, the bravest, and the best-looking people on the internet. We write software; we run ISPs; we own software houses; we are writers; we are lawyers; we are proud drunks.
From: bkillin <bkillin@amug.org>
Subject: (no subject)
Date: 2 Mar 1996 19:06:26 GMT
1 am closing time sucks!! My friends and I are partying last night having a good ole time when the dreaded "Last Call" comes out. How depressing. It's sort of like a funeral. Why do bars even have to close? What's the reasoning? To curb the consumption of alcohol? It does no good because people buy alcohol and keep it at home. So why not just leave bars open 24 hours a day? I'm running for public office and my platform is going to consist of a petition to keep bars open 24 hours a day.
From: clancy@imap2.asu.edu
Subject: Re: HAVOC - YOU ARE ALL SAD BASTARDS:2
Date: 25 Feb 1996 10:11:04 GMT
According to eastern religion, when you huff enough ass in this life, you will come back as an asshuffer in the next.
From: Jock Meston <jock@ee.uwa.edu.au>
Subject: Re: Best place to puke
Date: Tue, 05 Mar 1996 17:08:38 +0800
My favourite story to reel out when the "Great Chunders I Have Known" conversation inevitably comes around is about a mate of mine.
After an obviously long night he found himself staggering about at home,
when that familiar urge suddenly came upon him. In an uncharacteristic
flash of common sense he managed to get to his bedroom window before
unloading his guts through it.
Unfortunately he was standing in the garden, looking in.
Takes all sorts.
From: jcmiller@news.sfu.ca (James C. Miller)
Subject: Re: When does a "binge" become a "bender" ?
Date: 2 Mar 1996 23:24:16 GMT
Damn Straight. If you're busy like me sometimes, then bored to tears at
others (semester system), binge-bender drinking is entirely voluntary,
lasting until you want to stop or:
1) you are arrested
2) you are broke AND too drunk to successfully scam another
3) you wake in a strange place WITH a dead body
4) you come to in the middle of operating an aeroplane
My dad and his sibilings and their father had a bender rating system
using days:
day 1 begin
day 2 location change - Things fuzzy at the edges
day 3 IN 3-D!
day 4 bathe (a reminder)
day 5 serious bender
I've never been to day 6.
From: barnzy@nznet.gen.nz (Steve Barnes)
Subject: Re: When does a "binge" become a "bender" ?
Date: 13 Mar 1996 15:28:21 GMT
Day 6.
You wake up not recognising you own room and plan an escape.
Once you hit the street you decide the best thing to do is go home,
but first you got to have just one beer to clean your mouth.
Day 7.
You wake up at home, or at least you think it's home, youv'e got an
arm over your shoulder and it's got tattoos on its forearm, you
freeze, thinking,"I hope it's a man" Knowing that a bloke to bloke chat in the
morning makes it OK.Fearing the forarm belongs to a woman trying to be
the toughest bitch mother of a son that ever lived.
Day 8.Call into work, saying that your on to somthing big thats going
to make millions for the company, arrange to see the M.D. for lunch.
Buy this time youve got it sussed. Get the M.D. skunked and tell him
you'r his new P.A. with all the inside gossip, put him in a cab and
dissapear into the night.
Days 9 / 13. no memmory
Day 14.
Wake up laughing for no reason you can think of, get out of bed, have
a shower, tea and toast, off down the road to get the paper and look
for a job as a fruit picker.
From: Sara Traw <ustraw@mcl.mcl.ucsb.edu>
Subject: Re: Worst beers?
Date: 4 Mar 1996 23:40:40 GMT
I may be one of the only females who actually enjoys the taste of beer!
I'll take a beer over hard alcohol any day....
I'd have to say the worst beer ever would have to be Natural Light Ice-
It's truly disgusting. It's like drinking aluminum.
From: Jaz <Jaz@vain.demon.co.uk>
Subject: Re: New Drunken Bastard On-line
Date: Wed, 6 Mar 1996 20:20:56 +0000
I once fucked a hooker in Florida once, I gave her a 30 dollar tip
because I thought she was a virgin. It wasn't until later my friend told
me she was wearing tights... ;(
From: djkelley@mindspring.com (Dave Kelley)
Subject: Re: gin and tonic - 8:45am
Date: Thu, 07 Mar 1996 13:15:38 -0500
This is why I'm a firm believer in the transcendent beauty of afternoon drinking. First off, you get the "hooky" buzz - while "decent" society is trapped in their little cubicles trying not to get fired, I'm in a bar, watching sports, tossing back cocktails. Second, since I'm often as not the only one in the bar, I get better service, get to chat with the bartender, usually get to pick what's on TV, and even get the odd free drink since I tip well. Third, by the time the amateur hour starts, with the junior execs in their suits and loose ties, I'm surly drunk and don't have to put up with their shit - and my new pal the bartender will back me up. Fourth, I get home and pass out at a decent hour, so I can sleep a long, long time and still be up plenty early to be responsible for organizing things like brass band parades and Taxi services.
From: RFP <us016614@interramp.com>
Subject: Australians
Date: 9 Mar 1996 05:08:17 GMT
I don't care what you fuckers are arguing about, no one, and I mean no one, compares to the Australians for pure, criminal, abusive, and totally fucking insane levels of alcohol consumption.
I swear they took ten years off my life.
God bless 'em.
From: pclarke@gwis2.circ.gwu.edu (Peter Vonder Haar)
Subject: Re: Americans HUH!
Date: 11 Mar 1996 15:25:54 GMT
Hey, welcome back Joel. That was quicker than I thought.
And now, a joke to commemorate your new digs:
Why do birds fly upside down over Oklahoma?
Because there's nothing worth shitting on.
From: djohnson@chat.carleton.ca (Duncan Johnson)
Subject: Re: VOTE FOR YOUR FAVOURITE BEER!
Date: 14 Mar 1996 19:28:09 GMT
Well, waking up hung over on a Sat morn snuggled up in bed with the boss's 19 yr old daughter and having to walk out of the house past his surprised ass at the breakfast table doesn't do wonders for your career track, I'll tell you that. I'd say that particular incident lays my claim for lifetime membership to alt.drunken.bastards
From: Jaz <Jaz@vain.demon.co.uk>
Subject: Re: Why I missed the eclipse, a fireworks display and Easter...
Date: Wed, 17 Apr 1996 20:24:56 +0100
Alan Hangovers don't come and go for me. I'm permantly hungover. I can honestly say I don't know what it's like to wake up without an hangover for the last 10 years. I spend all day recovering from an Hangover and only recover when I'm on the booze again. The Doctor told me he's found a trace of blood in my alchol system...
From: Darsy
Subject: Re: Any women here?
Date: Mon, 22 Apr 96 04:45:07 -0500
Dave Kelley Hey, sometimes. Sometimes I just skip the bathing bit and head straight
Imagine...
From: lombardo@cnj.digex.net (Jim & Noreen) "TardFarmer"
Like "asshuffer", this is another fine word that appears to have its
origins in this ng. A sturdy word with utility and purpose.
I'm curious because I've been using the word for years, expressly to
describe my brother-in-law's (former) vocation. He used to manage a
hostel, or group home, for developmentally handicapped adults, i.e.,
"tards".
TardFarming to Keith, was always more interesting than any other kind of
farming because a house of 'tards is like a box of chocolates: you never
know what's gonna get smeared on your pants before the day is done.
From: stevem@pacificrim.net (stevem) drunkness is a port of are ip an some ild fukkersss hink we shjould stop
From: ndlacy@tcd.ie (Cheese Doggy Dog) Jim,
From: s&l@thehalls.ftech.co.uk (Dal & Leaf) cmreinholz@tiny.computing.csbsju.edu (The Infiltrator) wrote:
Seemed like a pleasant introduction and an even nicer offeer. However,
in my experience, those that are soo drunk as to post such a
preposterous request are incapable of fulfilling the objective. In my
opinion it sleems tjhat ifd you are sol drinken thab t yous shoulmd
post suchab an aryticle thena .... sleaf
From: j_kennedy@delphi.com I hate those cheeky fuckin' Kidneys man - give you nothing but grief and
misery. Only thing worse are those bastard livers.
Darsy
From: James@hebbron.demon.co.uk Iv just got baacvk from a fucking shit goood night oouut. I t was goos.
I ammm fukcered, and TOm s gone to speeel so I tink il just have a go in his
puter. Two girls rm wor decideed to take me out otnight and buty lots of house
white.. Dont normanly drink wine, but it fucks me up bad way. i think ive drunk
about 4 boots;es ,and shagegd the lovely secretary aginst a wall.
Hehehe..
I love dringing.
TARA FOR NOW.
From: Jaz <Jaz@vain.demon.co.uk> Being drunk dosen't mean we're daft.
From: clancy@imap2.asu.edu I like to drink to the sound of crashing Zima bottles, preferrably full ones.
Oso
From: pclarke@gwis2.circ.gwu.edu (Peter Vonder Haar) Um, not sure. I just had the most hilarious recollection of this episode
on the Discovery Channel I saw with rabbits having sex. Truly a
representation of the human experience, the male was humping away, about
300 strokes a minute, while the female had this look on her face that I can
only equate with 'I wonder what shade I should get my nails done with
tomorrow'. Pete- Up way too late on a Sunday night/Monday morning
From: <IO92257@MAINE.MAINE.EDU> So, in conclusion, I apologize if I have disturbed any of
you with sensibilities. I know this is xxxJoel's job. Your friendly Smurf-like person,
From: kevin@big10.metrobbs.com (kevin jones) Vodka was invented by, and must be intended for, a cold and
heartless race.
From: jeremiah@ios.com (Jeremiah Kristal) Ah, Mogon David, the lowest of the low Kosher wines. There is a great
Hoyt Axton song about it. Wanna hear it? Here it goes.
From: jeremiah@ios.com (Jeremiah Kristal) And as director of DB net connectivity, I will suggest that those who
drink less than 10 drinks a day be restricted to a porn free
connection. If they can't handle their booze, they can't handle the
cooze.
From: lombardo@cnj.digex.net (Jim & Noreen) The remaining four Zimas sat in our refrigerator for *months*, as cases
and cases of other brews visited the fridge. You have to understand that
*nothing* containing alcohol (with the exception of Oso's beer) ever lasts
around here longer than a week. Finally, one very drunken evening, our
friend Brian put the things out of their misery. I'm happy to report that
the twitch below his left eye continues to improve and he expects to be
able to resume work again soon.
From: slutboy@bway.net (that blonde guy) Editor's Note: Slutboy getting to leave a strip club after his friend's bachelorette party
We do so, & get ready to leave as a tall, flat-chested dancer with
long blonde hair finishes our set. She's off stage by the time we're
close to the door, when some 'faced redneck staggers up to me & says "how
y'all ladies doin' tonight?" I inform him that I'm not a lady, & wouldn't
be a lady if I were a woman. He reels back in shock, wobbles for a few
seconds, then staggers up to Xine with the same line. I think he was
actually drunk enough to think I was the woman who'd just finished her
set. Amateur. He was end-of-the-night wasted with 2.5 hours 'til last
call. We all got past him, Rick's parents went back to their hotel, & the
rest of us went to the Gwar show.
From: Steven Palme <palme@earthlink.net> Four people shaved their heads (present company excluded). It looked
like a collie exploded in the backyard.
Only one person fell off the back porch. Considered miraculous.
Fatty's all new girlfriend ran screaming for the hills after he began
taking pictures of his genitals with every camera he saw foolishly left
in the open. She hasn't been heard from since.
I woke up with a footprint in the middle of my chest.
From: chrisf@iceonline.com (Canadian) I strongly recommend the everclear-and-stairmaster weight loss program to all
you dbs!
>Darsy, can we take this to mean you use your lunch break as a combination
>drinking/bathing time? I applaud your outstanding time management!
to the bar. Sometimes I even get something to eat at the bar. See, once
you get this "drinking and doing something else at the same time" thing
sorted, the possibilities are limitless!
Subject: Another word enters the ADB lexicon?
Date: Fri, 19 Apr 1996 20:35:53 -0400
Subject: response
Date: Tue, 30 Apr 96 03:33:30 GMT
an it assn't rui fhtthat trhwytheyv make people think it isn;t
Subject: Re: I think I need a new liver!
Date: 3 May 1996 12:59:03 GMT
at least your liver is still in you.....When i wake up in the
mornings and go down stairs feeling rotten my liver is already in
the kitchen with an alka seltzer and a cigarette and a really
haggard look....we usually end up silently sitting on the sofa
looking at crap on the tv cos neither of us could be arsed getting
up to turn the channel off.
Subject: Re: Fuck Off Bitches
Date: Sun, 05 May 1996 20:59:20 GMT
>I'm drunk and I rule...anyone want to have sex???
>Willy Patefield
OK..... I wqnnnab fujck
Subject: Re: An Urban legend?
Date: Mon, 20 May 96 03:37:30 -0500
Subject: Hehehe. What a fuoimnh nigg t out that wasss
Date: Sun, 19 May 1996 00:32:47 GMT
Subject: Re: What the fuck am i going to do?
Date: Sun, 19 May 1996 23:42:57 +0100
Subject: Re: a.d.b. Punx?
Date: 27 May 1996 23:16:46 GMT
huff, huff, huff
Subject: Re: Seagulls fucking
Date: 3 Jun 1996 07:13:50 GMT
True to form, the male kept on going at it, even up until the point
where he fell over to the side, losing penetration, yet still pumping
away like mad.
Subject: A public Apology.
Date: Sat, 8 Jun 1996 13:35:08 EDT
From now on, I will stick to phrases such as:
"asshuffer"
"suck my choad"
"shag her ass"
"horny seagull"
"chunder"
"huff my ass, choad-licker"
"lick my horny seagulls choad, asshuffer"
and I will
try to stay away from the word FUCK.
in fact, if you ever see me use the word FUCK, please
tell me. I will pay the penalty, and drink
a 12 pack of cheezy beer.
-StrangeBrew
Subject: In Praise of Scotch
Date: 18 Jun 1996 20:49:45 -0500
Subject: Re: Proposal: alt.suck-dot-com
Date: 20 Jun 1996 03:11:36 GMT
Will they have Mogon David in Heaven, dear Lord?
It's the question we all want to know.
Will they have Mogan David in Heaven, dear Lord?
If they don't, then who the Hell wants to go!
Subject: Re: Who needs an expensive study?
Date: Thu, 20 Jun 1996 22:30:10 GMT
Subject: Re: xxx until death - tat.jpg [01/01]
Date: Sat, 22 Jun 1996 15:18:50 -0400
Subject: GothDrunkBastard Vacation, Pt. 2
Date: Sun, 30 Jun 1996 19:43:50 -0400
Subject: Long weekends
Date: Tue, 02 Jul 1996 18:32:34 -0400
Subject: My New Workout Regimen
Date: Thu, 4 Jul 1996 15:57:29 GMT