Subject: Re: I have the fucking hiccups
Date: Fri, 26 Jul 2002 19:33:20 GMT
So, in conclusion, when I wake up in the morning laying in a puddle of urine, wrapped around a toilet bowl with my pants down around my ankles, staring at a diaphram stuck to the floor, with a worse than usual head-thumping hangover, I am pretty sure that I had the hiccups the night before.
From: Beavis <beavis@fuckyou.co.yuk>
Subject: Re: Herb
Date: Sat, 03 Aug 2002 07:08:02 +0100
I dunno, if anyone's going to take over the world it might as well be a brewery. That way the downtrodden masses will still be downtrodden but they'll have beer.
From: "Gonz" <gonz@drunkenbastards.org>
Subject: Finally coming to the U.S.
Date: Fri, 9 Aug 2002 09:45:50 -0700
Oh yeah, The Thirsty Beaver is shut down. First Bojo's, now this. Makes me wonder how much they relied on me to stay open. Funny that they both shut down after I moved away from them...
From: Beavis <beavis@fuckyou.co.yuk>
Subject: Re: Finally coming to the U.S.
Date: Fri, 09 Aug 2002 20:51:55 +0100
shehaha did I tell you about the time I ate some gy'sbogeys
I stuck my finger up his nose
hahaha now he's married to the sister of some fopok songer
bonkers
li8fe is weirdc
From: Trigger <trigger@drunkenbastards.org>
Subject: Re: The 4 a.m. sweats
Date: Thu, 15 Aug 2002 17:20:27 -0600
Dahlink. It's all part of the deal. I bet I haven't slept more than an hour at a stretch (pass-outs not included) in like 10 years. When I *don't* drink, I am up all night and I have the *weirdest* dreams. The upside is that I get to remember all these dreams, and then I go about the next day "fixing" the problems. I don't know *how* many people I've had to fuck with, just because they messed up my sleep. I wish my dad was still alive so I could call him up at 4:00am and tell him, "HEY! You're fucking with my sleep, you fucking asshole!"
From: "Morticia" <webbed@extremities.com>
Subject: Re: Fucking Brothers
Date:
Brothers...
Cursed brothers, asshole brothers, it is ASSumed I have 3.
They are all cowcunts to different degrees.
One I don't talk to , to the other I'm mute,
The third we aren't sure if he's from the same chute.
He looks nothing like us and so round and pug-nosed.
We think he was conceived when my mother was hosed.
The second is short and has hair of shit brown.
He sorta looks like my dad, but he acts like a clown.
The only brother that looks mildly like me
Is such an asshole that I don't talk to he.
So wrapping this up, they are all fucking assholes.
And I would not piss on them if they were lit coals.
From: Trigger <trigger@drunkenbastards.org>
Subject: 111
Date: Sun, 18 Aug 2002 06:08:21 -0600
Trigger - I guess I'll get up and see if I have any beer in the fridge and pretend something's on and then just pass out again from sheer boredom/beerdom
From:"Morticia"<webbed@extremeties.com >
Subject: re: Hoppy New Beers
Date:Tue, 31 Dec 2002 16:55:15 MST
I was harkening back to last year and as tradition dictates I did indeed go out to celebrate New Year's Eve the night before but if memory serves me right, it was about 3 days in to a manic/depressive tear which included about 6 hours of sleep, NO food and copious amounts of alcamahol, and the S/A actually came down to haul me out of the bar. I refused to leave and he came back twice to no avail taking my car keys with him. I felt like killing myself and looked like hell and I DIDN'T FUCKING CARE. About anything or anyone. (SNIP) Someone phoned the S/A to say I think she's about done now and the poor long-suffering bastard came down for the 3rd time that day to pick me up. I immediately crawled into bed with all my clothes on and slept like a corpse till about 2 the next day.
He DID make me go out the next day (New Year's Eve) as punishment and I felt so bad I ended up meekly sitting in a corner drinking a gallon of water and was the D.D. for the night. Boy things sure are different this year. I feel GREAT! Well..except for the shumb. My shumb is the shize of a teeny tiny football and it makes it hard to typewilstusingthespacebar. I am typing like this: ow ow ow ow ow ow But on the bright side, the sun is shining and the days are getting longer and my aunt's not mad at me anymore for the family dinner fiasco. Strangely enough, she's the favorite aunt who I had a dream about stabbing stabbing stabbing her (repeatedly!) in the arm with a FORK no less, while we calmly engaged in convo as if nothing untoward was happening. But it wasn't a pickle fork, alas. Okay bye. (Editors note: Just liked the Holiday Spirit of it all even if it's not funny but yet it is. It's like old home week if you've got the right dysfunction.)
From:sickboy
Subject:via irc
Date:Monday, Jan 27, 2003 20:57 GMT
nothing like getting up midafternoon and washing down vitamins and penicillin with rye whiskey and trying to hold back the urge to vomit
From:jimshome
Subject:from #adb
Date:Thursday, Feb 13, 2003 12:51 GMT
take me to your litre
From: dins
Subject: Re:Oldies but goodies sorry one more drunken time
Date: Friday, March 28, 2003 01:48GMT
tell a fucking interesting story or something. I haven't had anything even worthy of putting on the quote pages in months. I could resign and it wouldn't matter because you all suck go fucking drink up and make history, fuck you and your cut and pasting of shit jokes. that'a not even bullshit it's fucking dogshit on toast drink up and fuck up and write about it or shut the fuck up, this isn't aol ya know, maybe you wanted alt.whiny.fucking.maggots and you ended up here accidentally. If I had enough money to do it I'd sucker punch every last fucking one of you boring fucks. fuck off and die of fucking do something funny and write about it
From: Ham Sammywich
Subject: rye and usenet
Date: Monday, June 30, 2003 21:55GMT
I used to think I knew English until I read some things I wrote. Drunkenese was good enough for my Pappy; Good enough for me.
From:Birdman Brews
Subject:Hurricane Preparedness
Date:Thursday, Sept 24, 2003 18:53:50
Based on our experiences, we recommend that you follow this simple four-step hurricane preparedness plan:
STEP 1: Load up on alcohol reserves.
STEP 2: Buy enough food and bottled water to last your family for at
least three days.
STEP 3: Put these supplies into your car.
STEP 4: Drive to Nebraska and remain there until Halloween. [Should have involved drinking the booze if you asked me (Ed. note).]
Of course these are just basic precautions. As the hurricane draws near, it is vitally important that you keep abreast of the situation by turning on your television and watching TV reporters in rain slickers stand right next to the ocean and tell you over and over how vitally important it is for everybody to stay away from the ocean. [And of course, drink the booze, dammit! (Ed. again)]
From:DSRL
Subject:I love wine
Date: Wednesday October 29, 2003 13:01
...my family was teetotal, but for some strsnge reason.. at 8 or 9 years old.. instead of playing cowyboys and indans or some shit like that...
I woiuld pretend I was driniking & smoking. No shit. I'd find mysel;f a corner when my parents weren't around, then roll up a playing card and pour root beer into a pint mug and sit there DREAMING of the day I could drink and smoke for real. Fuck, when I was 11 i was rolling up leaves from the garden in writing paper to smoke em.
perhaps some people are just BORN fucking fegenderates. Dont the scottish hagfve a saying "a man was a smoker before he was born" or something like that? its true for me.
Alcohol is my friend.
From:Morticia
Subject:Re: Beer Bread
Date:November 29, 2003 13:29 MST
That, and beer and pizza go together like flies and ground-up pigfarm hookers.
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