The 1st ADB Quote Page

From: heathbw@gwis2.circ.gwu.edu (heath weiner)
Subject:
Date: Mon Nov 21 14:03:56 EST 1994

Of course, its also my personal view that flavor should be sacrificed in the name of drunkeness in almost all situations, and so it is that I will drink just about anything thats wet.

From: IN%"ARMOGIDA_M@HCCA.OHIO.GOV" "Mike Armogida, Hardware/Internet Consultant
Subject: usenet
Date: 4-OCT-1994 20:12:14.35

subscribe alt.drunken.bastards

these people are hilarious!! i laughed my ass off reading through this group. later.

Mike

From: machado@primenet.com (Robert Machado)
Subject:
Date: Mon Nov 21 22:46:37 EST 1994

I'm still sick, but at least I'm kinda drunk, so I'm not as much of a hurtin' unit as I was at work today.

From: heathbw@gwis2.circ.gwu.edu (heath weiner)
Subject:
Date: Sat Nov 26 23:16:01 EST 1994

drink just about anything thats wet. Well, I'm going back to my corner

From: sausage@zikzak.apana.org.au (The Sausage Meister)
Subject:
Date: Sat Nov 26 23:19:59 EST 1994

Moral of the story: Sausage liked it; chicks with Sausage hated it. I'd say get it on video, and take the chicks to Forrest Gump.

From: sausage@zikzak.apana.org.au (The Sausage Meister)
Subject:
Date: Sat Nov 26 23:21:11 EST 1994

"Two fifty for a hot dog / and a buck and a half for a beer / happy hour, happy hour, happy hour is here..."

From: sausage@zikzak.apana.org.au (The Sausage Meister)
Subject:
Date: Sat Nov 26 23:30:50 EST 1994

"why are all you guys having sex after drinking? Do you pour your beer into your companion's nether regions?"

From: dhalgren@netcom.com (dhalgren)
Subject:
Date: Sun Nov 27 06:49:06 EST 1994

I AM GOING TO MELT SOME FUCKING CHEESE ONTO SOMETHING.
THEN, I WILL MOST LIKELY EAT IT. (I. E. THAT THING)
THANK GOD FOR MY MICROWAVE. RUBBING TWO STICKS TOGETHER TO MELT SOME
FUCKING CHEESE IS --
LITERALLY --
FOR THE BIRDS.

From: d92pmo@csd.uu.se (Peter Moller)
Subject:
Date: Tue Nov 29 03:12:47 EST 1994

Not being able to talk to your wife, when your both drunk? That's sad. I never get inwolved with a girl until we've been thourugly wasted together, if we had fun together, then there might be somthing to build on.

From: yeul@is.dal.ca (Shawn Patrick Craig Duggan)
Subject:
Date: Mon Nov 28 22:34:15 EST 1994

We all sort of drift apart because the guys are trying to pick up 'a little take-out'. Anyway, I spent my time talking with some friends who were also drinking fast. So eventually I go to the bathroom. There is my friend 'The Decorator' having a whiz at the urinal. Being the poet I am I shout 'DECORATOR!'. He turns to see me but doesn't stop whizzing and cuts 2 guys off at the knees with the ol'firehose. I thought it was funny. The 2 guys didn't. A scrum ensued, but we snuck off.

From: d92pmo@csd.uu.se (Lucky Pete)
Subject:
Date: Sun Dec 04 11:34:38 EST 1994

Have any of you D.B's gone shopping loaded? I've bought some really strange things, like a goldfish (I don't have an aquarium) and once I bought a sexy nigty to my girlfriend, only to remember the day after we had broken up and that was the reason I was drunk in the first place *sigh*.

Lucky Pete

From: itf004@news.salford.ac.uk (Mortigan Goth)
Subject:
Date: Sat Dec 03 05:36:01 EST 1994

Dear all,

I wonder if anyone can help me with an addiction I seem to have. Everytime I leave my local drinking den late at night, I can't resist pinching traffic cones; especially the nice yellow council ones. I will often walk for miles, just to snatch the things. Sometimes I just stand and stare at them until sunrise, marvelling at their conical beauty....

Help me ?? :)

From: drinker1@bottle.farm (Mr. Glenfiddich)
Subject:
Date: Wed Nov 30 12:54:40 EST 1994

I saw our saviour by my drum-kit, a half-empty gallon bottle of Gatoraid. It made perfect sense, the electrolytic qualities of G-aid would prevent our impending morning doom. We poured a generous amount of CG into the jug, swished it around and began guzzling.

About 45 min later my buddy was sitting on the couch and I was standing in front of him telling him some stupid story. In an unexpected burst, my body rejected theentire contents of my stomach onto my friend and the couch. I was doing my bestimpression of a fireplug, spewing flourescent green liquor all over the room. I had no warning or naseua, just started spewing.

We're still drinking buddies, and I haven't thrown up on him since.

From: bi838@FreeNet.Carleton.CA (Thomas A. Moore)
Subject:
Date: Wed Dec 07 11:01:47 EST 1994

but there's alot of good music out there
and alot of alchohol to drink
mix & match
have fun

From: achoo@welchlink.welch.jhu.edu (ALBERT CHU )
Subject:
Date: Mon Dec 05 16:12:19 EST 1994

Being the proud owner of a traffic cone myself, anyone figure out a suitable (sober?) use for them? All I could come up with was they make a decent impromptu basketball hoop when you invert them and stick them in between the cushions of yer couch.

From: gcm@ssd.intel.com (Greg Mitchell)
Subject:
Date: Thu Dec 08 22:33:19 EST 1994

Partnership for a Free-Drug America

From: sausage@zikzak.apana.org.au (The Sausage Meister)
Subject:
Date: Tue Dec 13 17:31:22 EST 1994

A few years ago, some lads somewhere in Australia (think it was Melbourne, but then again I was pissed), _stole a street_. That's right.

Apparently the street was a cobbled one, and the stones were bluestone or something that was slightly more valuable than tarmac. They (four of them) dressed up in workmen's clothes, hard hats, etc., got a plain white ute or small truck, and over the course of a week or so, completely dug up the entire street, loading all the stones into the truck. They did the typical workmen thing, one of them digging while three of them stood around leaning on their shovels, just so's no-one would get suspicious. When they were finished, they drove off, leaving the unpaved road behind them!

From: bi838@FreeNet.Carleton.CA (Thomas A. Moore)
Subject:
Date: Tue Dec 13 09:19:32 EST 1994

A few years ago a friend of mine had a Blue Kamakazi party.

[snip]

I go upstairs to take a crap - I look down and freak out - my fucking shit was blue too.

From: shrake@kenyon.edu (CHICKEN FLAVORED CRACKERS? MMMMMM)
Subject:
Date: Tue Dec 20 04:08:52 EST 1994

the question on my mind deals with my motives

i like to get drunk, but is it wrong for me to get drunk with quality beer my intention was to get drunk in the first place but i also have a respect for the flvor and thre body of the beers that i drink

ok, i will admit it, i just want attention and am writing because i'm loaded

From: sausage@zikzak.apana.org.au (Steve Outtrim)
Subject:
Date: Mon Dec 19 11:57:48 EST 1994

After my red wine episode, I thought that it might be cool to go through the colours of the rainbow in craps over a week. I may try this over the Xmas/New Year period, so please post any colouring suggestions.

From: fred@lightside.com (Fred Condo)
Subject:
Date: Sun Jan 01 12:43:57 EST 1995

#!/usr/bin/perl
foreach $n (1..100) {
print "\aDRINK $n!\n";
sleep 60;
}

From: lockhart@pogonip.scs.unr.edu (Brian Lockhart)
Subject:
Date: Sun Jan 01 17:18:24 EST 1995

(Besides, if the devil's urine gave you that good a buzz, we'd all be lined up outside hell's outhouse with mugs for dippin'!!!!!)

From: schaefer@twain.ucs.umass.edu (Donn R Schaefer)
Subject:
Date: Mon Jan 09 13:50:09 EST 1995

When I go to a party and put my 12 of Schaefer in the fridge, nobody* dares steal it 'cause it has my name on it. This allows for a night of being a total alt.d.b. with no fear of running out of cheap swill. 8*`)

From: gcm@ssd.intel.com (Greg Mitchell)
Subject:
Date: Mon Jan 09 23:17:23 EST 1995

Rob's eulogy -

Here lies a DB named Rob
Not to be called LT or Bob
His last day he quaffed a bottle of Corona
That had a peculiar aroma
As he gasped his last breath of the hour
He declared with a whoop and a howl-a
Its been pissed in by a fuckin' chihuahua !

( OK, fine. You find a word that rhymes with chihuahua. )

From: d92pmo@csd.uu.se (Lucky Pete)
Subject:
Date: Thu Jan 12 07:14:33 EST 1995

I had an exam today, found out about it yesterday, spent most of yesterday and last night studying, slept for 2.5 hours tonight but since I think I'll pass I'll be drinking a few beers tonight selebrating.

But I'd be drowning my sorrows if I thought I flunked, so the result would be the same, I _AM_ a db after all.

From: ltu@barnsleycollege.cityscape.co.uk (Rik)
Subject:
Date: Thu Jan 19 02:11:18 EST 1995

Smeggin Bleedin Bouncers!!!!

They've banned me from the crappy Frontier!!!!!!

From: yeul@is.dal.ca (Shawn Patrick Craig Duggan)
Subject:
Date: Tue Jan 24 23:42:06 EST 1995

In the cab on the way home some scientific experimentation was necessary. The age old question "Do cabbies like wedgies?" needed to be answered. I posed a few highly articulate questions such as: "Lissennn buddy, you like them wed*BURP*geeees?" The response was indeterminate, so I decided for some empirical observation. I wedgied him, or tried to, while he was driving. I can now conclude that cabbies in fact DO NOT like wedgies; so much so that they pull over and kick you out.
I think I really like SoCo.....
Stay tuned for more exciting adventures.....

From: JEFF WILLIAMS <JEFFREYW@MAINE.MAINE.EDU>
Subject:
Date: Mon Jan 23 07:43:21 EST 1995

During my senior year of college I worked at a local nightclub. We had alot of staff turnover so I got to work with quite a few guys. One night at an apres work party there was a box of Dunkin Donuts. I had been drinking competitively with one of the female bartenders and eating donuts. One of the waitresses made a comment as to how many I had eaten so I took a chocolate honey dip and crammed the entire thing into my mouth. This produced a few laughs, but I couldn't quite chew it so I left the room to work on it. One of the new guys working with me came out to the other room and said "give me the donut" I spit it into his hands. Once I did this he ran back into the kitchen where everyone else was, displayed the once chewed donut, stuffed it in his mouth and ate it. I roared, others cringed, this is the kind of things that starts a true friendship.

From: Troy Abelseth (tra3407@silver.sdsmt.edu)
Subject:
Date: Tue Jan 24 22:22:47 EST 1995

I never did it but i seen it done once. in under an hour a friend of mine consmed an entire litre of cuervo gold (80 proof) and lived to tell the tale. of course he didn't notice later that night when we used him for a bottle rocket laucnher.

From: d92pmo@csd.uu.se (Lucky Pete)
Subject:
Date: Wed Jan 25 02:43:12 EST 1995

Hangovers are a nessesary evil, much like ex-girlfriends.

From: captain@ddv.com (The Captain)
Subject:
Date: Sun Jan 29 15:33:57 EST 1995

you know your drunk when...

it's 3 a.m. and your sitting at jay burgers and arguing with a hispanic gang member about how the chargers are going to rip the 49ers new assholes and poking him in the chest with your half eaten double chili-cheeseburger to emphasise your point.

i woke up this morning, sorta, so i guess he saw my point.

From: d92pmo@csd.uu.se (Lucky Pete)
Subject:
Date: Fri Feb 03 05:18:06 EST 1995

...But I have this female friend, and she's a True DB'ette and I have NO plans to get her in bed (I don't think I could cope) and sometimes she looks at me and I want to buy her the whole bar. And it's not fair! You shouldent be forced to spend money and not get anything in return.

From: bwebb@mizar.usc.edu (Brett)
Subject:
Date: Wed Feb 08 14:41:05 EST 1995

I once woke up the next morning at my friends house, in the middle of about 10 people passed out all over the floor. Problem was that I was the first to pass out, and decided to hide my pants (and underwear) in the next room. I woke up completely naked in the middle of all these people. Kinda scary for a second, but then it was kinda cool.

From: msulliv@husc7.harvard.edu (Michael Sullivan)
Subject:
Date: Wed Feb 15 14:03:56 EST 1995

I just wanted to say that me and my Roommies got a kegerator this year also. I have to say it is one of the best purchases I have ever made and that it has given me many a night (and day) of happiness. I hope you get yours working well because It will soon become one of your best friends. Our's is named Ole' Bessie because of the sweet loving milk she gives us.

From: boozed@usc.edu (Dazed & Confused)
Subject:
Date: Mon Feb 20 16:33:32 EST 1995

"Alcohol is our friend, and it's about time we had more friends over."

From: bmans@ccnet.up.ac.za (Ben Mans (Bio) x2990)
Subject:
Date: Mon Feb 20 05:11:52 EST 1995

To all the DB's out there, here is a poem you might enjoy. It's from some Monthy Phyton show.

Immanuel Kant was a real piss-ant who was very rarely stable.
Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar who could drink you under the table

David Hume could out-consume Schoppenhauer and Hegel.
And Wittgenstein was a beery swine who was just as sloshed as Schlegel.

There's nothing Nietzsche couldn't teach 'ya 'bout the raising of the wrist.
Socrates, himself, was permanently pissed.

John Stewart Mill, of his own free will, after half a pint of shanty was particularly ill.
Plato, they say, could stick it away, 'alf a crate of whiskey every day!
Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle, And Hobbes was fond of his Dram.
And Rene Descartes was a drunken fart: "I drink, therefore I am."

Yes, Socrates himself is particularly missed;
A lovely little thinker, but a bugger when he's pissed.

From: weasel@ursula.uoregon.edu (The Prince of Weasels)
Subject:
Date: Wed Feb 22 18:38:07 EST 1995

NO! You have to be officially declared a DB before you enter the kingdom...
Take this quick Questionnaire

1. Do you drink to excess: