Subject: eyeballs (dissecte? chrewed on?)
Date: Wed, 10 May 2000
ouych,. just poke dmyself inbthe eye , fick that
From: Andy Toole (cntfai@nbnet.nb.ca)
Subject: Overhang
Date: Sun, 28 May 2000 00:16:31 GMT
I got drunk last night on sweet sherry (a week away from payday, don't you know), and woke up in a state of distress this morning. You know, worried and fixated on stupid inconsequential things, confused, racing thoughts. Okay, so I go for a walk for a few cigarettes and open air to clear my head. Suddenly, there on the street, there's a bunch of pigeons EATING horse shit (there are horse-and-wagon tours downtown). That did it. I didn't barf; I didn't faint; nor did I panic. But I kinda collapsed in an inward sense (I like the French word 'degonfle' to describe it). When in an advanced overhang, temporary despair can just jump up and grab you. So I live in a world where pigeons eat SHIT in broad daylight! They really ought to be more fussy!
But salvation was no further away than a cheap restaurant! A greasy burger with tobasco, fries, and a 1/2 liter of house wine.... right as rain! Astounding really. You'd think that birds eating shit would have put me right off food.
From: Leaf (ciderman@dircon.co.uk)
Subject: FAQ
Date: Sun, 28 May 2000 22:22:18 +0100
1) people drink
2) write crap or good stuff
3) smack spammers/trolls
4) type shit
5) don't remember what you typed
6) type it again
7) Jaz: no matter what your sexual preferences, it will come under fire.
Roll with it faggots! Do I look good in this bra??
8) Drink heavily
9) Drink a lot
10) If you take easy offence then you don't belong here.
11) FUCK Off
From: Timo Nieminen (timo@physics.uq.edu.au)
Subject: grapes, wine, and juice
Date: Fri, 9 Jun 2000 20:15:34 +1000
The lifeblood of the Earth flows in the grapevine. Therefore drinking wine is a true act of worship, an act of reverence to the world, makes us one with the cosmic song coursing through us, through all life. Such is the magic of wine. Preferably red.
Now grape juice isn't bad, either. Excellent, in fact. Especially after mixing it 2 parts juice to one part vodka, highly suitable for drinking in large quantities.
From: Beavis (beavisNOSPAM@fuckyou.co.uk)
Subject: Yesterday morning...
Date: Fri, 23 Jun 2000 06:19:48 +0100
The time came for me to catch the last bus home, but I've still got about 4 cans left and it's 1. bad form to leave a party and take booze with you and 2. bad form to leave a party and leave booze behind so I decided I'd get a cab home once I'd finished all my beer.
From: Beavis (beavisNObeSPAM@fuckyou.co.uk.invalid)
Subject: Re: Glastonedbury>
Date: Tue, 27 Jun 2000 10:48:21 -0700
Personally I hate Glastonbury. 4 days stuck in a field with 80,000 hippies is not my idea of fun. And the drugs are overpriced. And if you want a cold beer it costs you a fortune and if you get around it by bringing your own there's always some scrounging hippie trying to get one of your cans of body-temperature lager you spent 15 minutes carrying from the car park and after the first night nobody has any Rizlas because the night-time dew makes them all stick together like a miniature toilet roll but that's ok, because you forgot to bring toilet roll and the crappy overpriced food has given you diarrhoea so you spend half your day bent double on a wooden plank over an enormous pit of shit praying to god that the wood doesn't break and drop you in there but it might as well because you sure as hell couldn't get any dirtier and although the booze and drugs are making you feel horny as hell you can't shag because you stink and so does everybody else and the tent next to yours thinks they're oh so cool because they brought a big fuck-off CD player and enough batteries to power the main stage for a night and they're into garage or drum 'n' bass whatever the hell it is so you can't get any sleep at night and during the day everybody seems to have kicking your guy ropes as their main hobby so you can't sleep then either and so you get cranky and get into an argument with the person you're sharing a tent with but you can't go early because that's the person who gave you a lift there, and besides there are 20,000 cars to move out of the car park before you can get out and if the weather's nice the roads all turn to dust which gets into your eyes, mouth, ears, nose and just about everywhere else and if the weather's bad the whole place turns into a swamp and the mud gets in all the same places as the dust does and the next thing you know it's 4am and you're wired to the eyeballs on something and paranoid as fuck surrounded by 80,000 strangers all of whom seem intent on getting your rizlas/blow/beer/money/food/toilet roll/sleeping bag
.. in short, fuck Glastonbury. There are a whole load of places II can think of which are more suitable for getting drunk... in fact just about anywhere springs to mind. And just about anywhere will be 80 quid cheaper than Glastonbury too.
From: "Le Critic!" (compassionate@aol.com)
Subject: Re: Bum Farts! ehe
Date: Fri, 30 Jun 2000 22:56:22 -0400
You were witnessing one of nature's marvels, the birth of an asshole
baby. You should have stayed around and watched.
you know how women break water? he was breaking wind.
The asshole baby was not far behind. In fact, it was in the behind.
The baby is probably sitting in a dumpster somewhere, which serves as
the "bum crib"
he or she will grow up to be a bum
It was a sacred moment.
From: Trigger (trigger@drunkenbastards.org)
Subject: 10-Minute Per Beer Plan
Date: Fri, 30 Jun 2000 22:57:05 GMT
Been having some trouble getting drunk on beer lately, so today I decided I would implement a new strategy - the "10-Minute Per Beer Plan". I'm now an hour and a half in and it's working remarkably well. I'm burping and peeing a lot and the buzz is fucking spectacular. The backspacing is wearing me out a bit tho.
From: leibold (leibold@drunkenbastards.org)
Subject: Re: Burpin' and Fartin'
Date:Mon, 07 Aug 2000 14:12:57 +0200
myb neighbor lausghs do lout and shrill, one dasbh i wuioll kill her
From: "wobbly" (wobbly@nowhere.com)
Subject: Drinking Game
Date: Wed, 9 Aug 2000 22:28:30 +0100
Get everyone sat in a circle and each person drinks a bottle of whisky. After the effect takes hold, one person leaves the room and the others have to guess who it was...
From: "Knopgat" (ebony7@iafrica.com.na)
Subject: Re: drinking tip ....
Date: Sun, 13 Aug 2000 06:41:20 +0200
Drink till ya can't anymore, and then have a last one.
From: Scott W. (boogyboo@iluv.you)
Subject: Re: 7esbians kiXOr ass!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!~~~~ !!!!!!!!!!! come
to my ftp
Date: Fri, 18 Aug 2000 16:30:13 GMT
Editor's note: Discussion of combining LSD with alcohol
That got me and some others kicked out of Chilli's one night. I guess that they were worried about the whackos yelling and screaming having access to steak knives and tequila.
From: kevnjon@aol.comATOSE (KevNJon)
Subject: Re: Irish women ?
Date: 26 Aug 2000 14:40:49 GMT
Oh, come on. Think about what you just said. Observant Catholic girls of a certain age are so intent on retaining their precious virginity that they figure their mouths are an ecclesiastically sanctioned recreational orifice.
From: Keltic(keltic@SPAM.zip.com.au)
Subject: Re: Return to sender...
Date: Tue, 12 Sep 2000 13:09:49 +1000
Glad to know I'm not the only DB with bathroom trauma... I'm currently dealing with *sniff* a toilet that leaks at the outlet valve... *sob*
I'll wait till I can afford a plumber... last time this happened I said to myself, "any cunt with a pair of stilsons and a case of beer can fix this". A twelve pack later, I had to be restrained from tearing the cistern off the wall and beating it to death in the back yard.
From: Mitcho (redneck@employees.org)
Subject: real drunks
Date: Thu, 21 Sep 2000 20:55:21 -0700
I'd be drunker now except I was driven from the bar by a sad drunken bastard of a woman who was in there drinking since I think 1958. Jaysus was she hammered. It was irresponsible of Maeve to keep on serving her, but Maeve was the hero in the end because she refused to pour the drink the woman (Andrea) wanted to buy for me so I could get the fack out.
I tried to be nice and polite to her, but the whole time I was thinking, "for fuck's sake is this really what we look like to people who aren't drunken bastards like us?"
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