The 12th ADB Quote page

From: "Mark Anderson"
Subject:
Date: Tue, 14 Jul 1998 22:13:04 +0100

I'm sutre I shoul dsay something witty right now bit lets jusyt sday that I spent two days drying aoout and uit sucked |I was ashaking and fucking going

bonkers so it waasn't nioce3

I eventulallly decide to go tou and get twatted on red qine ith me meaates.

I had a good timw

Chesra

From: mr-cocktail@webtv.net
Subject: Re: How have I missed this?
Date: Date: Tue, 14 Jul 1998 00:47:28 -0400 (EDT)

And yes, these Webtvs are very cheap. Sort of the Mad Dog of the computer family (or maybe the retarded cousin, I don't know). But hey, I'll take cheap Internet access and a comfrtable supply of booze over an expensive machine Milwakee's Best any day. No offense to MB DBs. Huh?

From: jaZZ
Subject: Re: Amsterdam CC on the IRC?
Date: Date: Fri, 17 Jul 1998 06:02:48 -0500

I was unaware of the exact ages involved. For some reason, my mind heard "Robin's YOUNGER sister" which implied the 18 to 21 range for me. I have to go with OneTrueTami (gloriousishername) on this one. If you're bringing any fucking thing to our house that's seven years old, it had best be in a bottle.

From: Timo Nieminen
Subject: Re: Getting ready
Date: Sat, 18 Jul 1998 19:25:53 +1000

KevNJon wrote:
> Pardon my French, but what the fuck is "self control"?

It's when you at least make it off the carpet before hurling.

Really good self-control is when you reach the sink.

From: kevnjon@aol.com (KevNJon)
Subject: You know you're in trouble when . . .
Date: 18 Jul 1998 01:34:58 GMT

. . . You wake up at 6:30 in the morning, naked and lying on the living room floor, and the door to the bedroom is closed, and your wife isn't talking to you.

Don't ask me how I know this. I just do.

From: Jaz
Subject: Re: Getting ready
Date: Mon, 20 Jul 1998 21:31:33 +0100

Self control is forcing alcohol into your system when you body screams "NO!"

From: "Becky S."
Subject: Re: I guess I got what I deserved
Date: Tue, 21 Jul 1998 14:42:55 GMT

> Joe Pesci in "Johnny Dangerously" mode/on!

Ooh ooh - my turn, my turn! I get to be quasi-pedantic this time. Ahem - (stentorian voice) I believe that was Joe *Piscopo*.

From: sondrahalperin@my-dejanews.com
Subject: Re: ...alcohol enema??...
Date: Tue, 28 Jul 1998 22:52:07 GMT

Editor's Note: this is in response to the question "Do alcohol enema's work?"

Yes. It works. In fact you get 5x the alcohol absorption rate. The only side effect is it forces your metabolism to work backwards. Instead of painful, embarassing liqui-shits, you actually choke up a small piece of bread the next morning, which is a lot less messy. I highly recommend it.

From: "Mr. Fluffy"
Subject: Re: you know you're in trouble when........
Date: Tue, 28 Jul 1998 19:49:47 -0400

Cheap beer is better than no beer. Hell, if it weren't for Keystone, I wouldn't be the college educated individual I am today.

From: leibold
Subject: Re: Poltergeist the DB Movie...
Date: Fri, 31 Jul 1998 13:17:58 +0200

Damn right. Maybe you read the post where I was telling about walking home two weeks ago; I actually had to lie down on the sidewalk and take a nap, because I was so tired. It's really not nice waking up on Sunday morning with the people going to church looking at you and shaking their heads. But most of the time, the night before was still worth it.

From: jaZZ
Subject: Re: Reuben Pizza
Date: Wed, 12 Aug 1998 17:33:29 -0500

The last breakfast I had on our recent outing into the wilds of Pennsylvania was some type of round loaf of bread, hollowed out, filled up with some unidentifiable bits of a sausage like substance, some brown scrambled eggs, peppers, onions, and washed down with a warm bottle of beer left out by Robin's tent all night. Shockingly, it was a pretty good breakfast once I threw out the egg filled bread thingy.

From: DB Cooper
Subject: Re: Cheapest way to get drunk
Date: Sat, 15 Aug 1998 14:29:40 +0000

Sigh. You call that *cheap*? Even with the currency conversion, that would be about $18Can for a giant jug of cheap vodka - they run around the $30Can mark ($20US, approx) around here. It's the fucking government fersure - they don't allow private resellers here, so if you want 'hard' liquor, ya gotta go to the fucking government-run liquor store. There are very few sales on anything, and if there are, it's like a lousy buck or two off.

So I find the cheapest way to get drunk is to not eat and drink really fucking fast.

From: jaZZ
Subject: Re: Beer!
Date: Fri, 28 Aug 1998 14:54:04 -0400

One thing I enjoy about this place.... just when you think we've dug down to
absolute rock bottom, somebody shows up with a pick-axe and some dynamite.

From: imgidata@netcom.com (Robert Fagen)
Subject: Re: Gonz in Amsterdam, part 1
Date: Fri, 4 Sep 1998 16:43:41 GMT

Actually, I do remember we talked about that, and I did point out at the time that the tube would have to be summat of a spiral shape in order to avoid slamming into the walls.

Must not have been drinking enough yet.

Or maybe it was a contact high from the atmosphere surrounding Cruise.

From: "Mark Mathu"
Subject: Re: Drunken Bum....
Date: Fri, 4 Sep 1998 00:41:12 -0500

An alcoholic has to have drink, or he (or she insert at your leisure) will be miserable.

A drunken bastard enjoys the opportunity that drinking lays before him, and enjoys the moment for what is, without worrying about what the future holds.

From: darsy@sticky.net (darsy)
Subject: Re: Drunken Bum....
Date: Fri, 04 Sep 1998 08:23:15 GMT

And if you *do* start drinking at 5:30 in the morning, it doesn't necessarily make you an alcoholic. And I never pause when I'm drinking.

From: Jaz
Subject: Re: My delurking story...(long)
Date: Mon, 7 Sep 1998 22:19:43 +0100

Obviously he ain't a DB.......
Jaz puts "Can I kiss you?" thru the ADB converter and gets back...
"Do you swallow or take it up the ass?"

From: Jaz
Subject: Re: FlatCap bastard
Date: Wed, 9 Sep 1998 19:11:41 +0100

What????
Surely their is some law against this sort of blatant copyright voilation. Any lawyer worth their salt will have their asses. What if this Flatcap imposter turns out to be a irratating, predantic, grumpy, offending piece of shit? He will blemish your character. Something must be done.

From: "Leaf"
Subject: Re: To Bourbon
Date: Wed, 9 Sep 1998 19:18:50 +0100

Dwy white, I shiver
As you flow like a river
Stagger hind, hence and whither
Bloody this way and thither
I'd almost forgive 'er
Then I retch forth and quiver.
(puke)
Fucking Indian-giver.

From: "Timo A. Nieminen"
Subject: Re: Ah, to be drunk and alone - a poem
Date: Fri, 04 Sep 1998 10:43:53 +1000

I suggest experiments, so you can observe this yourself. A sink is not ideal, as a more symmetric, smoother basin would be better. Like the inside of a whisk(e)y bottle.

So:
1) Pour a glass of whiskey. It'll have to be a large glass, so the vortex has time to form.
2) Reset experimental equipment i.e. drink whiskey.
3) For more statistical reliability, repeat many times, with different bottles.

From: leibold
Subject: Re: Drunken Bum....
Date: Tue, 08 Sep 1998 11:28:11 +0200

I stopped drinking at 8 a.m. this Saturday. I figured it would be cool to walk by a bakery on the way home, but when I got there I found out they were on holiday - I will never again buy there!

From: "Mark Mathu"
Subject: Re: Fwd: Returned mail: Host unknown (Name server: thegates.ofdawn.cnn: host not found)
Date: Wed, 9 Sep 1998 00:39:34 -0500

Cheeseheads got an accent? Youse guys gotta be kiddin' me! Can you believe dis
crap dat ADB is posting now?

From: Jaz
Subject: Re: Drunken ?Golf!
Date: Mon, 14 Sep 1998 20:44:00 +0100

In article <35f8c8b5.15926927@news.primenet.com>, Gonz writes
> Jaz, I know you are dying to ask this: >Who makes more sense? Robin or ES?

Dunno...I just skip over their posts when they talk rubbish.

From: exxcitme@aol.com (Exxcitme)
Subject: Re: Amazing Drinking News in the Media
Date: 15 Sep 1998 04:18:35 GMT

Do you spill a lot of wine on yourself, being blind and all, Mr. Wonder? And if so, does anyone suck it out of your clothes for you????

From: Jaz
Subject: Re: fuck
Date: Wed, 16 Sep 1998 21:39:35 +0100

10:30pm: I need a early night

11:00pm: An hour to midnight...still lots to drink.

12:00am: I should go to bed, i'll post abit more then retire.

1:00am: I've got this far, finish this post and finish this bottle.

2:00am: I don't feel tired...one more post and beer and bed....

3:00am: I love you all!!! I need to post..shit...I'm running out of booze.

4:00am: The world is my oyster!!! I AM GOD!!!!!!! Another beer!

5:00am: ZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

(Time to get up) 6-8am: Holy shit...what did i do last night?...I went to bed at 10:30pm yet I feel so tired....I'll just log on to the internet and see what is new.....SHIT!!! Did I post that???

From: "Scott²"
Subject: Re: Stupid drunk
Date: Thu, 24 Sep 1998 13:11:29 -0500

One night after drinking a buddy and I retired to his house to continue the
night, found a bottle of Rita mix and made Ritas (of course). Woke up the
next afternoon to find the mix was brown instead of the normal green.
Luckily everyone involved survived.

From: Geoff Pullan
Subject: Overheard in a Bar
Date: Tue, 29 Sep 1998 14:21:28 +0800

Overheard this conversation by members of a group at the bar:

Ah, John. Let me introduce you to Madelaine. Hello Madelaine. Haven't we met before? I think so, I was in (some other pub) last week. Ah, yes, I remember. You were with Peter. Sorry I didn't recognise you......but you look half decent tonight!

From: "Mark Mathu"
Subject: Re: Found in another Newsgroup - Balsamic vinegar
Date: Sat, 3 Oct 1998 10:28:53 -0500

Cheap beer ungodly? If Fetus drank three six packs (6-6-6) at a single sitting, one could argue that it's the work of the devil.

From: "Mark Anderson"
Subject: Re: booze games, sex & tv
Date: Tue, 6 Oct 1998 21:38:15 +0100

The only people who play drinking games are people who don't know how to get fucking drunk. Buy drinks. Drink them all as fast as you can. Buy more drinks. Repeat until dead.

From: five5@erols.com
Subject: Re: Is Drinking Killing You? Read This.
Date: Sat, 10 Oct 1998 11:52:24 -0400

I highly disagree, Drunk and stupid is the best way to go through life. The reason being, whilst drunk, if you were to do something stupid and die, people would say it was because you were drunk, knowing you had a few in you and didnt waste any of your precious body organs. Now being sober and smart, if you were to die, you would look pretty stupid anyway because your dead, and upon reflection you may as well have been drunk because you didnt use you maximum potential alcohol consumption ability. In the long run we are going to die anyway, and when I go I prefer to be drunk as hell, even if I lose a few years.

From: DB Cooper
Subject: Re: 30th Birthday Do
Date: Fri, 16 Oct 1998 13:13:26 -0700

What the hell did I *do* with my thirties, anyway? Oh yeah - that was the
great brain-cell reduction decade.

From: "Timo A. Nieminen"
Subject: Re: Never drink Coca-cola after...
Date: Wed, 21 Oct 1998 16:38:31 +1000

I can remember once we ran out of vodka, so we drank the pickle juice from a jar of pickled chillis. Can't remember being hungover, though I did wake up with skinned elbows.

There were three of us drinking, though one was a non-drinker and only had a rather token mouthful. Another was a beginner, and he only had about 150-200 mls, so I guess that I got all the rest.

Drunk munchies hit late at night when all places were closed, so we walked over to the uni to the vending machines. Puked right next to the vending machine, then bought a load of junk food from the machine to refill. Staggered home with the other dudes in tow, fell down in my driveway. 'Twas the most comfortable cold concrete I can remember. Eventually got up, and went inside. I think that's when the chilli juice went.

Forget what the next day was like.

From: leibold
Subject: Re: Delurk...
Date: Wed, 21 Oct 1998 19:54:33 +0200

Hehe. I've never been there. But there's plenty of other places where one can get puked on.

From: vette94@earthlink.net
Subject: A weekend romp, adn other stories
Date: Thu, 22 Oct 1998 05:34:06 GMT

Well, tonigt, I decide to drink this fucking bottle of Jack Daniels that I got from the boss last year. Of course, I'm mixing it- with Diet Pepsi (fuck off, I don't think what you care), oddly, the first drink was too strong but without adding ice or soda it needed more and more whiskey. So, the errors in the above post are due to the onset of RWSI (Rapid Wheeskeynandshoda) intake. Thank you.

From: A recent IRC conversation

Just because I'm incoherent doesn't mean I remember things..

From: keltic@zip.com.au (Keltic)
Subject: Re: birds
Date: Tue, 17 Nov 1998 15:25:30 GMT

>The birds are starting to wake up outside. Don't the stupid little
>fuckers realise it's still dark out there?

Course not. They're birds. The smartest of them has a brain smaller than a walnut.

One of the worst parts of the hangover that...the sparrows outside going CHIRP FUCKING CHIRP

From: wgalanek@snet.net
Subject: Baffled
Date: Thu, 10 Dec 1998 16:28:37 -0500

I truly believe we become Geniuses when we drink, that explains why we cant figure out why we did what we did the night before

From: Leaf
Subject: Re: At Chez georg and jaZZ's
Date: Date: Sun, 6 Dec 1998 20:56:24 +0000

Leaf-- hope a had a good initiation into the fuzzy world of ADB!
(Alkaselzer and a shot of voddy is a good remedy, eh?)

From: Leaf
Subject: Re: Vote For Most Annoying DB!!
Date: Sun, 13 Dec 1998 21:47:31 +0000

Ah. But the truth of all this mysterious internet shite is that we all get a few moments of glory. It has nothing to do with ignoring, but the contrary. "Listen to ME!" We all do it. And it is fun. And then we get to meet the bastard we argued with all year and, hey presto, one minute Greg was gonna kill Oso and whoever was gonna beat shit out of whoever. Funnily enough, we drank. And laughed and made some fine fucking friends. Just a different sort of pub.

From: avantin@banet.net
Subject: Re: Take this, New Yawkuhs!
Date: Sun, 13 Dec 1998 12:41:53 -0500

As far as Manhattan goes, there are bars here that are okay, but tourists have a hard time finding them. For example, in my neighborhood, there are maybe two or three "good" bars (Dublin House, the Snug; I'm sure Jeremiah can add others closer to his house), a couple of passable ones, and several really bad ones. The criteria I use is this: if they open at 8:00am they are usually pretty good; at noon, they are okay; evening only, don't bother.

From: Jaz
Subject: Re: FUCKING BASTARDS!!!!
Date: Tue, 15 Dec 1998 01:31:21 +0000

Anyone who is Vegetarian is one daft facker. A drunk and a vegetarian is a breed to be shot dead.

From: jaZZmanian Devil
Subject: Re: Some New DB Pics
Date: Tue, 15 Dec 1998 20:12:04 -0500

I never thought I'd say this, but I may have to cut back on the JD. I don't mind forgetting the occasional stupid thing I said, or getting naked in the road... fuck even forgetting meeting somebody isn't too bad. If I forgot a trip to fucking London getting a pic snapped by Gonz with Jaz then I may switch to beer.

From: Sully
Subject: Re: Drunken Uncles
Date: Sat, 26 Dec 1998 11:15:56 -0800

Cheers to that! Last night in the midst of many Brandys, Kate's ma was observed to lose her balance and fall right over in the middle of the kitchen. She was then heard to say: "How did that happen?" It took her a few moments to force herself back into a standing situation. Nobody was a bit concerned, and in fact, we were all fairly thankful that we had the foresight to be sitting down. Much harder to fall down when you're sitting in an armchair.

From: jaZZmanian Devil
Subject: Re: Charlie, this is your place isn't it? Oh fuck
Date: Tue, 29 Dec 1998 06:24:05 -0500

Well, that one at least I've got covered. Chatting up a girl is pretty much talking to her all night, putting the moves on her, and attempting in whatever fashion possible to get her and her clothing in two separate locations by the end of the evening. That one ties in nicely with "knocking her up", which unlike the 'Merkin definition, means dropping by to see her (i.e. knocking on her door). We can only assume that Thief was cunted enough to try to shag the tree in question, making the story even better!

From: avantin@banet.net
Subject: Re: Charlie, this is your place isn't it? Oh fuck
Date: Wed, 30 Dec 1998 20:56:13 -0500

Naw, a true drunken bastard chats up the tree, then calls it a fucking dyke when he gets shot down....

From: "Mark Mathu"
Subject: Re: Shitty, Depressing New Years Eve
Date: Sat, 2 Jan 1999 23:05:23 -0600

DemonJohn was the happiest person in America when the Badgers won. I don't think the guy could have been more happy if a beer truck had overturned in front of his house. I'll never forget the image of John, swaying in the room, using a big jug of wine as a counterweight to keep standing, counting down the final seconds of the game. After we won he kept giving me high-fives and hugs, but I had to keep my guard up because I was afraid he would give me an "Atomic Wedgie" like he did to Shizoor when he was in England last month.

From: DemonJohn
Subject: Badgers Win, Badgers Win! [was: Shitty, Depressing New Years Eve]
Date: Mon, 04 Jan 1999 09:58:58 GMT

I'd been drinking for over fourteen hours straight. I was going on pure adrenaline by the end of the game. As pickled as I was, I actually remember most of the game. It was THE most exciting game I've ever seen. Unfortunately, I had to get up at 7:30 the next morning to go to work. It was the Bataan death march of all hangovers...but so what? We won the Rose Bowl. Life is good again!

From: Jaz
Subject: Re: CC On The IRC
Date: Wed, 6 Jan 1999 20:01:56 +0000

If your a veteran cider drinking doing a CC is like a night off.

From: Jaz
Subject: Re: beer for party
Date: Sat, 9 Jan 1999 13:08:09 +0000

If that gets on the quote page I'll kill this fluffy cat.

From: jaZZmanian Devil
Subject: Re: DBFest '99
Date: Tue, 19 Jan 1999 08:04:29 -0500

Hmmm.... that would explain why there were too many booze bottles to fit on the bar when you showed up at our house. Normally it's stocked to just the right level so that they all fit up there without falling down. During your trip, there were several on the floor. Of course, that worked out pretty well, since at a few points during the visit I was unable to reach any higher for my next drink.

From: darren@sticky.net (Darren Irvine)
Subject: Re: girlie drinks - more
Date: Tue, 19 Jan 1999 09:16:46 GMT

However, I can heartily recommend Guinness and a *big* measure of Kahlua added. Very tasty, and a handy wake-up pint for those mornings when lying for another 2 or 3 hours in a puddle of your own vomit seems preferable to getting out of bed.

From: darsy@sticky.cod.uk (darsy)
Subject: Re: At long last, The Updated ADB drinking game
Date: Thu, 21 Jan 1999 08:52:24 GMT

I don't care. I didn't say the thing about "not how much you drink..." Personally speaking I think if you don't drink very much then you're a fucking useless lightweight.

From: blackey@fundy.net
Subject: Re: Drunk and talking to some canadian chick...
Date: Sun, 17 Jan 1999 06:26:57 -0400

woohoo.. it's finally my turn for this...
"shut da fuck up kev"

From: zzyzx@gatewayto.com (ZZYZX)
Subject: Re: joys of passwords
Date: Fri, 29 Jan 1999 05:52:44 GMT

I've had problems with passwords and drinking... I seem to remember my passwords fine when I'm drunk. It's not until the next morning that I realize I've changed them all and can't remember doing it.

From: darsy@sticky.co.uk (darsy)
Subject: Re: Dress Up & Go Out
Date: Tue, 09 Feb 1999 11:11:00 GMT

I could try starting the day with a night cap, and ending up with eating breakfast just before bedtime, but I'd probably get confused in the middle somewhere, and end up eating kebabs for every meal. So that's out too.

From: "Screaming Blue"
Subject: Re: French Fried Pig Eyeballs
Date: Sun, 14 Mar 1999 07:29:27 GMT

Fucking moth just flew in my wine. Bastard! I'll tell him to spit it out.

From: Sully
Subject: Re: Anyone know of some Bukowski on the web
Date: Sat, 13 Mar 1999 22:01:26 -0800

Actually, it was a prime opportunity to use the word "asshuffer," as in

"Try a fucking search engine, asshuffer."

Never pass on an opportunity to thesaurisize.

From: Cruise
Subject: Re: Dead or Lurking?
Date: Thu, 18 Mar 1999 01:03:13 +0000

I think with this group we can safely substitute Wanking for Walking.

Cruise - po dead people.

From: John Vantine
Subject: Re: Move on, was Re: antabuse
Date: Thu, 18 Mar 1999 13:08:27 -0500

Must have been a pretty good patrick's day...I have no recollection of posting this...couldn't even get my signature right....

Wonder what i was on about?

From: kaleesto@aol.com (Kaleesto)
Subject: >
Date: 21 Mar 1999 01:17:28 GMT

If yer buyin I'll have a coors light since I discovered this St Patty's day that I can no longer drink hard liquor. There is nothing worse than having your boss tell you what you did the night before and your mom telling you that you stripped naked in front of her... nevermind.

From: "Screaming Blue"
Subject: Re: Explain this
Date: Wed, 24 Mar 1999 08:07:53 GMT

That's what we need! Hard likker fortified with horse-doses of caffeine! Get you loaded, but energized anough to go out and do something truly stupid and destructive!

From: keltic@zip.com.au (Keltic)
Subject: Re: New Wine Box Style
Date: Sat, 10 Apr 1999 00:12:45 GMT

Sounds like the stuff in the bargain bins at my local. Old Kentucky Sodomy Bourbon, as served to the troops of the Confederacy before battle...yeah, no prizes for guessing why they lost... Wine that tastes like it was strained thru a sports sock and cheap vodka that tastes like it was matured in a cossack's boot.

From: "SBrew"
Subject: Re: I fucked up my puter
Date: Wed, 28 Apr 1999 12:08:08 -0400

I relized I have to start drinking more. Simple as that.
It's good for the health.

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