Subject: Re: The alcoholic from hell..
Date: Sat, 21 Mar 1998 10:30:47 GMT
Fuck! I didn't think this story would raise such emotion, I guess you
want to hear the bad bits then? Don't say I didn't warn you.
The reason the drunk had taken his trousers off & walked into a
airport departure lounge, watched by approx. 200 people? I warn you,
your going to feel sick..
Something had obviously upset his stomach, maybe a bad curry?
Unfortunately it was all over the back of his legs.. when he tried to
put his underwear back on, stood at the bar, the rest of the
offending curry decided to vacate his body. Yep, he left a steaming
one right there on the floor & wandered off.
There was a stunned silence. I took advantage of the fact that the
queue for the bar had suddenly vanished. The barman looked stunned
when negotiated my way around the still steaming turd, & asked for a
pint of Guinness...
From: Robin Pastorio-Newman <pastori@rci.rutgers.edu>
Subject: pearls before the porcine
Date: Mon, 23 Mar 1998 15:23:08 -0400
My drinking buddy, a bug-nuts philosopher, talked and talked about my tongue piercing. One night, we got really trashed. I don't know how it started but I bet him and he bet me and next thing we knew I stuck a swizzle straw through the hole and he was drinking a shot and his GF walked into the bar...
From: jaZZ <jaZZ@drunkenbastards.org>
Subject: Re: This round is on me
Date: Sat, 04 Apr 1998 06:52:50 -0500
You know Mike, you are either one generous motherfucker, very rich, or extremely
naive. (Perhaps all three). Do you have ANY FUCKING IDEA what these bastards can
do to a fully stocked bar in two hours flat???? (Speaking from experience here.
Our bank card actually broke out in 2nd degree blisters and emitted a puff of
sickly green smoke while restocking the bar after the last DB party held
here.) But hell, that just makes you even more of a Stand Up Drunk(tm). My
kind of guy. Where did you say that house was located again? Is it driving
distance from me?
From: Chris Weston <cweston@netcomuk.co.uk>
Subject: Re: Quick Question
Date: Tue, 7 Apr 1998 18:12:53 +0100
Whoa. I can't drink any of that shit. If I'm gonna drink cider it has to be the real deal stuff that you clean spoons with. With BITS in. Otherwise it's real beer for me. Here, have a pint of Witches Hat, 9odd pc and the works.
From: "Darsy" <darren@sticky.net>
Subject: Re: Retsina
Date: Thu, 9 Apr 1998 10:14:04 +0100
It's just about the best drink known to man for getting rid of the taste of vomit.
From: DukeDude <DukeDude@cyberdude.com>
Subject: Re: Drunk yet again!
Date: Sun, 12 Apr 1998 11:33:33 -0500
I have my own version of the Texas two step:
Step 1: Drink
Step 2: Repeat step one.
Gotta be careful when you do that little shuffle thing though. Might spill 'da mai tai.
From: "Mark Anderson" <spammersdie@easynet.co.uk>
Subject: Re: Drunk yet again!
Date: Sun, 12 Apr 1998 17:11:32 +0100
er... I think that's what I did between the Felon & Firkin and the Hogshead on Saturday night.
Apparently, it was quite an impressive chunder - leant against a lampost in the pouring rain. Felt like someone was ripping my stomach out through my mouth. Didn't stop me drinkin tho...
From: porta58@aol.com (Porta58)
Subject: Re: Double Vodka
Date: 14 Apr 1998 13:27:46 GMT
please, brother, don;t use vodka to relieve the boredom or ease depression. That's what Gin is for.
From: "Gary" <noway@spam.net>
Subject: Re: A poem
Date: Wed, 15 Apr 1998 23:46:02 -0700
If one skill must be mastered
I won't be simply plastered
but in fact a drunken bastard
A.D.B
From: jeremiah@idt.net (Jeremiah Kristal)
Subject: Cough! Wheeze! Gasp!
Date: Sat, 18 Apr 1998 16:26:02 GMT
A word of advice to any straight spirits drinkers lurking out there.
Whilst suffering from a coughing fit, be sure of the contents of the
glass you pick up. Picking up a large (double-size) rocks tumbler
full of Jamesons and drinking it expecting water will exacerbate the
coughing fit.
I have just proved this.
From: "Leaf" <leaf@leafy.demon.co.uk>
Subject: Re: I'm back and I'm drunk.
Date: Thu, 23 Apr 1998 06:55:39 +0100
Editor's Note: This is in regards to Jaz's fried modem.
We are working on it! So far it fries eggs lovely and can make a damn fine margarita.....what more can we ask?
From: "Darsy" <darren@sticky.spambadger.net>
Subject: Re: Alcohol Breathalyzer
Date: Wed, 22 Apr 1998 17:07:44 +0100
Fuck this shit - you've got the whole idea arse about tit - what I want is a handy, portable battery powered device that I can insert into my mouth and get me drunk instantly.
From: georg <the.whichwaydidhego.georg@servtech.NARF.com>
Subject: Re: Nasty mixed shot
Date: Wed, 22 Apr 1998 07:44:49 -0400
My dog hates alcohol abuse. If she's in the vicinity, and you miss the porcelain god, she'll clean it up.
From: johnlinnbl@aol.com (JohnLinnbl)
Subject: Re: Start of a four-day weekend
Date: 28 Apr 1998 20:45:48 GMT
Editor's Note: In reference to a gynecologist
Hmmmm- you mean that guy who keeps sticking a metal thingy or his hand in my living room? Tell him to fucking stop it! I mean it...
From: xxxjoel@bway.net (xxxjoel)
Subject: Re: bored x4
Date: Fri, 24 Apr 98 07:25:23 GMT
ObDrunken: The fucken wiggers next door to me. Those assholes have thrown three all-night parties in five days. Ordinarily, I'm all for parties, but when those tards don't even bother to invite their next-door neighbor, the tensions naturally arise. Never mind the fact that they decided to play one single Coolio song for about two straight hours, it's the multitude of empty Coors Light cans that churn my stomach as I'm battling a hangoverof my own en route to work each afternoon.
From: Chris Weston <cweston@netcomuk.co.uk>
Subject: blked
Date: Sat, 25 Apr 1998 01:44:47 +0100
hmm very drunk.
Hi lada and lasses I'm fucked
Went out for six or s7 stellas came abck omeh
cfor multiplme blast on the bong. Now I am fuckesd
Ple\ase excuse typeing.,
the beer awas easyh, not a fuckin problem cos that much beeer
is waht iorderinay people fdrimnk. but the dope on top has reaaly
done the job/.
From: &qout;Mark Mathu" <mark@mathu.com>
Subject: Re: Mini Pub crawl in London
Date: 27 Apr 1998 23:40:21 GMT
Leaf and Jaz, take note. This might come in handy if you are bar hopping in the London area sometime and you run low of cash. For each bar you go into, take turns getting out of control so that you have to get thrown out. Then have the other person "help" the bartender toss you out on the street. Quickly consume your complimentary beverage, then join up outside. Head to the next bar and repeat as necessary.
From: "Mark Anderson" <spammersdie@easynet.co.uk>
Subject: Re: is this a delurk?
Date: Wed, 6 May 1998 01:51:29 +0100
One more snippet to impart on the holiday: an American couple were overheard in the evening buffet admiring a 4 foot plastic statue of a unicorn. It was a sort of creamy colour which led the lady to enquire "Do you think it's carved out of cheese?"
We spent the rest of the evening running past their table at their bar pretending to be riding our cheesey unicorns, with many a shout of "Neeeiiigghh - come on you cheesey horse!"
From: DukeDude <DukeDuke@cyberdude.com>
Subject: Re: What I did on my holiday
Date: Thu, 07 May 1998 21:44:01 -0500
Did several other dives still blitzed from the night before too. This was mostly due to the fact that at an all inclusive I feel compelled to drink til the drinkin's done. How do you know when the drinkin is done? When my arse hit's the barstool. Shortly thereafter I'll be shining the floor with my ass.
From: "Leaf" <leaf@leafy.demon.co.uk>
Subject: Pissed ort whT?
Date: Wed, 6 May 1998 00:13:59 +0100
I seem to have been pisseed.
|I broket the thermosta on the gfish tanlk.
Thn I fucked the airaeter..or wharteve it is speeled
#ythen I tried tio knock iout the tankl and managed tomknockm myself
ouyt...
then io bought a neww opnme
(asctually, that vame befor)_
tujen I went to wotk
%aht was none too good.
#Now I am trying to stop Cidar from shahhiny the kiie,
Sio...then UI hear theat sime notrhern fuck was in an exoctiv placre...#
#Tjhen I got to parry a pumnter who is a lunayic
Als in DAYS jon
From: Uncle Wicked <wicker@win.bright.net>
Subject: Re: Big Personal Hard-0n
Date: Sat, 09 May 1998 22:25:04 -0500
And I thought they [Viagra Pills] were suppositories. <brain grinds and churns>
Nope. Sorry. Have no fucking idea where I'm going with this.
Back to the fray.
From: DukeDude <DukeDuke@cyberdude.com>
Subject: Re: Drunk Joke
Date: Sat, 09 May 1998 23:15:23 -0500
And there it is. THis is part of what makes ADB such a great placce. I think Nipps expressed it best awhile back: We get drunk, we say some shit, we apologize and we get over it. Mind you, that's a very loose quote, but I think I captured the essence.
From: oso@doitnow.com (Oso)
Subject: Re: Drunken faggots
Date: Mon, 11 May 1998 23:47:52 -0700
tr*gger@sk.sympatico.ca wrote:
> DB Cooper - don't care what you're getting, as long as you're getting
> something of legal dinking age.
Hey, sometimes I can't wait for the stuff to age. I have to get it open & get it in me.
From: jv8@is.nyu.edu (jrv7472)
Subject: Re: Drunken faggots
Date: 12 May 1998 23:33:40 GMT
As jremiah and myself have both claimed on different occasions, if you are homophobic in NYC, you miss out really good drink specials. Hell, if I can drink free, i don't car if people look at my dick in the bathroom.
Although I do draw the line at peeing on that guy in the tub at the Man-hole.
From: tafkam@siscom.net (Mike)
Subject: Re: American beer is fucked
Date:
By the way, thanks, you Germans! I got me a nice tattoo over there when I was under the influence of Doppelbock, a n executioner guy chopping off a guy's head with the caption "heads I win" wow! nothing beats real Doppelbock!!!!!!
From: kevnjon@aol.com (KevNJon)
Subject: Re: Baby ChaCha Drunk?
Date: 16 May 1998 14:02:42 GMT
I was afraid someone was going to point this out. C'mon, I'm not a mathematician, I'm a bullshit artist.
From: oso@doitnow.com (Oso)
Subject: Re: Baby ChaCha Drunk?
Date: Sat, 16 May 1998 01:57:38 -0700
I reccomend watching Comedy Central, FoodTV Network, or the Porno Channel whilst drinking. Many of them allow you to shut the TV volume off, crank up a Metallica CD & not miss the meaning ;-)
From: Uncle Wicked <wicker@win.bright.net>
Subject: Re: A graduate-level colloquium
Date: Sun, 17 May 1998 21:46:36 -0500
Just got back from a wonderfully drunken weekend visiting my seester up in Breezy Point, Minnysota. It's a resort town, lot's of Big Bucks people go there, so got to hobnob with the gentry. Best part was when I drunkenly asked a lady to dance; she, of course refused, and I replied "No, really, I don't mind the fact that you have such a fat ass".
From: tafkam@siscom.net (Mike)
Subject: >
Date: Mon, 18 May 1998 02:43:00 GMT
Well, I found out the hard way, don't ever attempt advanced manuvers
like trying to reformat you hard drive while drunk....the next morning
I woke up with floppies and Windows 95 disks scattered about the
living room, and my computer did not work any better than
before.....although I must say, I did not have anything on it besides
Windows 95 and Redneck Rampage, I sure did have a lot more hard drive
space
heh heh
From: deadbilly@bsmgroup.demon.co.uk (deadbilly)
Subject: Re: Cost of Happyness? Newbie Rant.
Date: Thu, 21 May 1998 09:05:21 +0000
Last time I had Tequila is in a club and it had one of those tape worms in it. I crunched mine in 'case it was still alive (as if!), anyway, within about 20 seconds I had passed out and I woke 5 minutes later halfway through hurling over myself. I made a B-line for the boggs which meant going straigt through the middle of the dance floor. I staggered In to the Ladies loo's by accident where there was a coulpe practically shagging. I then prodly decalred that I had been sick! which was one of the most factual things I had probably ever said drunk.
From: Timo Nieminen <timo@physics.uq.edu.au>
Subject: and drunk again
Date: Sun, 31 May 1998 21:22:27 +1000
Vomit in keyboards persists longer than even the worst hangover.
From: "Gail Warnings" <gLegs@worldnet.att.net>
Subject: Missed party
Date: 31 May 1998 22:38:13 GMT
Some people just don't appreciate the art of drunken bastardry, where you pass out and wake up in 5 hours to find your contacts still in and mercifully your clothes all on and sans any kind of nasty bodily fluids on them. Hell, that alone makes it a successful evening in my opinion.
From: Merc Mike <vsca@itis.com>
Subject: Re: and drunk again
Date: Thu, 04 Jun 1998 16:46:40 -0500
Melted cheese is Mobil One Synthetic 10W40 to the gears of the Porsche that is Intoxication.
From: "Timo A. Nieminen" <timo@physics.uq.edu.au>
Subject: Re: Alternative Pizza Toppings
Date: Fri, 05 Jun 1998 13:09:12 +1000
Last time I had bacon for breakfast, I ended up with a greasy scum on top of the wine in my glass.
From: "Leaf" <leaf@leafy.demon.co.uk>
Subject: Re: Happy Bafday Leafy !
Date: Mon, 8 Jun 1998 20:04:54 +0100
I am flattered and knew there was a drunken diety somewhere watching over me as the hangover was not as great as expected.
From: Fetus <fetus@sirius.com>
Subject: Re: Throwing up: A survey
Date: Sun, 07 Jun 1998 18:57:09 -0700
I think it was when I went to visit Nipps in NYC. I had had two HUGE Bloody Marys and a few beers thereafter. I felt the urge, so I went and talked to Ralph on the big white phone in the back of the bar. Then I came back and played darts and pool and drank some more.
From: paul johnson <paulzjoh@mtnhome.com>
Subject: Re: Throwing up: A survey
Date: Mon, 08 Jun 1998 16:48:15 -0500
Once, taking a girl home in a cab after a hard night of cocktailing, had her order driver to "pull over to the vomit lane" After she got done, told me what a nice guy I was, grabbed me by the ears and kissed me running about three fathoms of tongue down my throat. Sort of ended my romantic feelings for the evening, but I must admit the concept of a 'hate fuck' crossed my mind.
From: Demonseed <demonseed@demon.net>
Subject: Re: Troll!!!!!!
Date: Fri, 12 Jun 1998 15:47:42 -0700
Having many polish relatives living in Mass, I can definately say us poles will drink anything any time, Most of them cant speak english and I cant speak polish, but We can still drink and have a good time together
From: keltic@zip.com.au (Gerard Newham)
Subject: Re: Cooking vs take-away food
Date: 24 Jun 1998 10:45:36 GMT
Well...I very rarely tip at restaurants, and never in bars. Drinks are measured in NSW at least, so there's no incentive to do so. Now, if the bartender was amenable to popping his or her dentures out, I'd maybe reconsider.
From: davey.d@stones.com (Sir Osis)
Subject: Re: Cooking vs take-away food
Date: Wed, 24 Jun 1998 19:31:44 GMT
Done that myself. Canned spaghetti's good too. Anyway I'd cook more often but the bar won't let me use their kitchen so I either order food there or wait till I get home and go the open-a-can-of-something route.
From: DukeDude <DukeDude@cyberdude.com>
Subject: Party today, party tomorrow
Date: Sat, 04 Jul 1998 00:21:55 -0500
Went to see x-files movie today. Damn good flick. Got home and started drinking and eventually got drunk. Pretty much sums up my day.