Age:
32
Date of Birth:
It's actually yet to happen, being a fetus and all, but certain malicious individuals claim it was in 1970.
Current Location:
The Dark Side of the Womb. (of San Francisco, that is)
Height:
5'7" (standing. In repose, variable)
Weight:
Less than one solar mass, but more than some NFL linebackers.
Blood Type:
Mostly EtoH mixed with some A-.
(Webmaster's note: When asking what EtoH was, I was told it was a matter of National Security, and was then audited.)
Health :
(general): Pretty good, why do you ask? More as morphogenesis continues...
(mental):
Pretty wacked, but were I normal, I wouldn't be on this web page, nor the newsgroup, nor the chat channel...
(Physical)?
Not too bad...
Favorite Subject of Debate:
Abortion, natch :) But seriously, uh, I dunno- depends on what mood I am in- social justice in the US or "Tastes Great" v. "Less Filling."
Comments on Criminal Justice:
I think the term "criminal justice" is an oxymoron in this country.
Comments on "Tastes Great" v. "Less Filling.":
Miller Lite is less filling, but tastes like the Potted Plant's favorite drink.
Embarrassing Facts:
I'm a fat fetus. And a lawyer.
Oh, come now. Aren't all Fetui cuter when chubby?:
Stop sucking up and get on with the interview. And where did you learn to pleuralize "fetus"? It's "fetuses".
That's "pluralize", by the way:
Shut the fuck up, or the interview is over!
Right, then. Any phobias?:
Running out of beer after 2 am, when I can't get anymore...being nekkid on BART (oh wait, that's my sexual fantasy)...
So.... what's with the 'Fetus' thing, anyway?:
Well, I was introduced on a friend's college radio show as "the Devil's Foetus" (he liked industrial bands like Foetus)- I ddi weird radio devilfetus voice...it caught on, but the name became shortened and Americanized to "Fetus."
Do you catch a lot of flack from the Pre-Natal health groups about the link between your name and your chosen avocation of drinking?":
Not as much as you might think. Apparently, I've avoided their radar, or sonogram machines, as the case may be. However, there may be asshuffers out there who object to my replacing my amniotic fluid with beer...to them I say a good hearty "Piss off- a Fetus's womb is his castle..."
Do you ever see yourself moving on into some sort of post-natal existence? Or have you found your niche?:
I've heard it's a scary world out there-but Mom is bugging me to move out of the womb now that I'm almost in my 83rd trimester...
Tell us a "Fascinating Physical Fact":
"Elastic" is not truly elastic- it stays stretched a little bit each time you stretch it and let it return to the relaxed state.
Current Alcohol Stash in Apartment/Home?:
5 bottles of McEwan's Scotch Ale. A 1.75-L of Jack Daniel's. A 750 mL bottle of Beefeater. Some of a 1.75 L bottle of Skyy Vodka, a 375 ml bottle of Amaretto di Saronno, some Amaretto di Santo (cheap crap from Safeway).
Cryptic Sign Currently On Apartment Door:
The little hook for hanging Christmas wreathes and whatnot. And a poem from a local free newspaper called "SHAME-an Aria" next to a "Peanuts" comic strip where Lucy says- "Your life is meaningless!" to Snoopy. The dog responds "If life is meaningless, I might as well stay in bed, then."
Name of Most Embarrassing Ex-Boyfriend/Girlfriend?:
"Flatulencia-Queen of the Restroom!" :)
Oooooohhh. There *must* be a story behind that!:
Let's not go there, shall we?
Who do people say you look like?:
Chris Farley, John Candy, John Belushi
What's your strategy for picking up dates?:
Hell, if I had a strategy that worked, I probably wouldn't be here... :) IRC rocks for that-go onto a regional chat room and find local prospects...otherwise look for folx in the "salad of love" on late night IRC...ask Steamin-J about that...
And this gets you some hot babes, eh?:
Well..... no. But it sounded pretty good. Usually I tell them I'm Bill Clintons brother-in-law. You'd be surprised how well that works in California.
Ever been arrested?:
Well, yes. For jaywalking, mopery, loitering...
Ummm.... excuse me, but.... "mopery"?:
It's one of those legal terms we use to keep you lot confused so you'll pay us lots of money when you get arrested.
Ahhh, I see. Right, then. On to the important stuff .. Favorite adult beverage? :
Beer.
Anything you really dislike drinking?:
Cheap tequila. Very bad. Makes Fetus puke.
Do you have a favorite weapon?:
A 40-oz of cheap malt liquor if I'm in a bad neighborhood...
What does Fetus really love?:
Free beer and/or All-You-Can-Drink nights at cheesy college bars; Happy Hour buffets (rare in San Fran); wild IRC chats involving zootiness and the occasional "salad of love."
Any hobbies?:
Internet, reading, walking, travel to visit other DBs, drinking.
What's the mating call of the West Coast Fetus?:
"Wanna see my stuffed Curious George doll?"
What are your life's ambitions?:
To help people, make lots of money, and drink lots of beer. Really great beer. In a can.
I notice there's a comma between "help people" and "make lots of money"...:
Shut up, or I shall have Darsy punch you in the fucking mouth.
Do you have any tattoos? :
No tats for Fetus. Tatgrl is making a "Sacred Fetus" tattoo. Mebbe I'll get that on me...
What's the Scariest item in your likker cabinet?:
Peppermint Schnapps. I bought it 'cause it was like $2.00 after the rebate. I dunno what to do with it, although it might be good in hot cocoa or on ice cream. Or a KevNJon-style mint julep (instead of the Crest toothpaste-sorry, Kev!)
Why are you here on this planet, Fetus? :
To drink beer. Really great beer. In a can. Mebbe work on the justice and meaning of life things, as long as I have time to do them and drink beer.
Thanks for taking the time to speak with us at the HOB.
You'll be getting my bill. I know this only took about 45 minutes, but my minimum fee is four hours. I'm sure you understand.
Uh... umm, er........ would you take a check?:
Not if you were my mother.
Fetus In Chicago,
97'
Fetus is
a Person!! Woo-Hoo!!
Restaurant
Names by Fetus.