And now for something completely different!

The Official Fetus in Chicago Report!

I left work on Thursday at 5:30 pm, to pack and imbibe a couple of quick beers before my airport shuttle van arrived. I got a nice ride to the airport, and got thru check-in in time to have a few in the airport bar before my plane left SFO. I talked to some guy from Boston about sports and employment law, and accidentally shattered my glass of beer when I
moved my hand. The bartender was nice enough to repalce it for no charge (this may be a new trick for DBs short on their dough).

My lovely America West flight arrived in Las Vegas for a layover. I blew $2 in the dollar slots, then headed over to the combination Taco Bell and beer/margarita bar. Spoke with the old New-Jersey-native bartender and some salesman from Sausalito. Resisted the temptation to buy a gold-plated shot glass...

On to Chicago! I got on the plane- and woo hoo! - there was enough room on the plane for me to stretch out on 3 seats and sleep! SO I slept until I got to Chitown...

Got into Chicago about 6 am. Realized I couldn't check into my hotel until 1 pm (after confirming this with the desk clerk), and I had a lot of stuff (rum and whiskey I ended up not even touching all weekend). I quickly located an abandoned luggage cart, and trucked my stuff down to the coin lockers and lightened my load. But I held onto the cart to transport my backpack, books, jacket, and also because me, cheap bastard
I am, didn't wanna pay $1.25 for another one later.  So I went to the gift shop and bought a wildly-overpriced (75¢!) postcard and a pen, and wrote to a friend in SF. I also bought a few magazines and perused the other gift shops to see if I sould find cheaper postcards (Alas, I could not). I quickly saw that the airport bar was open (It was 8:00 a.m. by then), so I chose to sit in the bar and drink w*ter until I was ready for a Budweiser, then alternated sips of Bud and water. I watched a
"Sally" talk show show about people who were picked on in high school who wanted to confront their tormentors now that they were grown up and attractive rather than geeky.  Got into an argument with some women from NYC about whether parents can buy their kids liquor in NY state...you've gotta love people who want to argue the law with a lawyer. I left the
bar at 10:40 or so to get some yummy McFood from the convenient McDonald's in O'Hare.

After finishing my repast and libations, I proceeded to the "Ground Transportation" area to wait for a shuttle. It was freezing outside, and there appeared to be no shuttles nearby. A person sharing the nominally "heated" shelter with me suggested I take the CTA train (the "El") to downtown, as it cost only $1.50...So I proceeded to board the train, wheeling the cart to the entrance of the El, purchasing $21.50 in
Chicago mass transit for the low low price of $20.00! I rode into downtown Chicago, following the advice of the nice CTA man who told me where to transfer. Got off at Grand Ave. Asked for directions, but the CTA people were sure I had the wrong stop until one finally realized I wanted North Wabash Avenue rather than SOuth Wabash Avenue...

I proceeded to the Cass Hotel, a nicely-renovated flophouse near the original Pizzeria Uno and its sister resturant- Pizzeria Due...I proceeded to check in, and unload my stuff...the small cooler, my shaving kit, my clothes, and so on...I quickly turned on both the radiator and the window unit heater/cooler as it was REALLY cold (20) outside and felt like about 45 degrees in my seventh-floor room, but it quickly heated up.