I gave a dinner party for RobF and his new squeeze, Mimi, and my friend Al last Thu. It was a mini-disaster. I had an interview in the morning that lasted way too long, so I just decided to stay home because it didn't make sense to drive for two hours just to work two hours. Then, around 4PM, I locked myself out of my apt. I went out the back door to empty the trash and the electrician who had fixed something a few days prior, was "helpful" enuf to lock the doorknob lock (I leave that unlocked and just use the deadbolt). So I had to pry open my sticky kitchen window (not an easy task from the outside) and crawl in. I almost got stuck cause I couldn't open it far enuf, so my butt was hanging out at one point while I was wriggling to fit in. Must have looked lovely.
Then, the guests arrived and moved the table from the kitchen to the dining room where it was set with a beautiful rose centerpiece (conveniently picked up at the safeway). A few seconds later, I hear a telltale crashing sound, and run into the dining room to find what I had expected: Mishy looking guiltily around, while the overturned centerpiece dripped water all over the table and carpet.
Al arrives soon after to save the day with Cosmopolitans for all! (Let's just say the four of us polished off the fifth of vodka in less than an hour - and we only had soup by the time we were done.)
Then, as we're eating the soup, I realize that I have to put the fish in, so I run into the kitchen and begin messing with that. I wrapped a rack with tinfoil, buttered the fish and put it in the oven. But not ten minutes after it's in, we smell something burning. I rush into the kitchen and open the oven to find flames engulfing the fish. The tinfoil got ripped and butter had dripped thru to catch fire. Not to worry, cause the fish didn't actually get burned. I put the whole thing over a pan to catch the drippings and went back to finish clearing the soup dishes.
A few seconds later the fire begins alarm blaring. The cats are freaking out and Al's yelling, "turn it off! turn it off!", while I'm flipping circuit breakers (it's hooked into the electrical system). It just happens to be on the circuit that includes all the lights and sockets except for one thing: the dining room light. We can't even plug in a fan to air out the smoke and every time I flip the breaker, the alarm goes off and the cats tear around again.
We've opened all the windows, kitchen and front doors, and I've even opened the main door downstairs. Did I mention that it's cold in SF at night? Now I'm in the dark in the kitchen trying to determine the doneness of the fish by moonlight. Finally, after the fish is practically done, we can safely turn on the breaker without that horrible siren.
We're so hungry that we stuff everything down. Then we're really full, like that uncomfortable stuffed that comes from eating too quickly. So Mimi helps me by bringing in the dishes, except she manages to spill her drink all over the top of the stove. Did I mention cranberry juice stains? My dishwasher doesn't work because that same helpful electrician who locked the back door on me has somehow managed to kill the dishwasher (not to mention tracking cat poop all thru the hallway, but that's another story). The bad thing is that I don't have any dishwashing liquid - only Cascade. So, I'm drunk off my ass, trying to wash all the dishes with a bar of handsoap. I don't reccommend that.
We even managed to polish off a bottle of wine in record time as well: about 10 minutes. Mimi was sitting there with her wine glass half-finished and Al and I said, "are ya gonna drink that?" almost in unison (we always seem to speak the same thing at the same time... scary). She pulled the glass back swiftly and guzzled it in response.
Anyway, we all had a rip-roaring time! The msg from Mimi the next day went something like this: "uh, Sondra? This is Mimi. I want to tell you we had an excellent time last night. Really, um, excellent. I suffered all day at work today, um, I mean I really felt just awful. But we had such a wonderful time..."
-s