Ever wondered what life is like on the other side of the bar? Here's an example of a not very good day, Once a year our little rocky outcrop plays host to a National Hockey Festival. Our first pub was a popular venue with the hockey teams. One such Hockey Festival we had an incident.

A particularly rombustuous and drunken team had perched themselves on the quayside wall opposite our pub. Ali had to go out a few times to quell the riot they were causing. Please stop throwing the glasses in the harbour, please stop throwing the plates in the harbour, please stop throwing eachother / passers by in the harbour.

I was in the kitchen cooking, oblivious to this. In the end they stopped all the traffic and were trying to tip a car over by rocking it from side to side. Ali decides enough is enough and charges out to do battle. One of these twots has a can of lighter fuel in his pocket and as she charges toward him he squirts it all over the ground in front of her. Then, when she is in the middle of it he throws a match. Trouble is, lighter fuel burns invisibly, so she didn't realise she was on fire 'til her skirt started to disintegrate. Someone with wits intact realised what was happening and drags her away, rips off her dress and rolls her in the road. Someone ran into the kitchen and shouts "Ali's being attacked." I run out and see Ali being rolled about the road by a guy intent on ripping her clothes off, so without further ado I attack him in a "kill him first, ask questions later manner." What a facking mess!

Ali wasn't burnt, only her clothes. Offending hockey twots banned from festival and kicked off Island. Guy with wits intact who saved Ali survived my attack and was given lots of free booze as soon as he was conscious.

All in a days work, Guv!

Riddler
it's not always like that..