Brief Intro:
Well-travelled DB now semi-retired due to a faulty pancreas.

Date and Place of Birth:
5th May 1971, Bedfordshire, England

Ethnic History:
English as far back as I know.

Appearance:
Slap-headed monkey kipper fondler. I grew a stupid beard because I got tired of looking like every other weirdo who shaves their head.

Height/Weight:
6'4" and 83kg (that's about 182 pounds for you merkins). I used to weigh more. Like 117kg.

People Say I look like:
Eddie Hitler from the TV show "Bottom", The bongos player in Wheatus.

Education:
Lots. I spent years getting myself a fancy edgukayshun and then ended up doing a job I hated so I packed it all in and went on the dole.

Current Residence:
I rent a terraced house in Huddersfield, West Yorkshire which I'm currently cramming with as many computers as possible.

Regular Quotes/Mating Calls:
"I need to shit", "I'm not tense I'm just VERY VERY ALERT"

Alcohol Stash in House:
None.

What's in your Fridge:
2oz of marijuana. Oh and some food too, I suppose.

Fascinating Physical Fact:
I can stick the inner part of a ball-point pen up one nostril and out of the other.

Vehicle:
An Orange Gringo mountain bike.

Most Embarrassing Fact:
This must be the Most Stupid Question.

Phobia:
Being trapped in a never-ending Alcoholics Anonymous meeting.

Occupation:
I do tech support. Most of the time it's great. Sometimes it sucks.

Health:
At 31 years of age, I am now a mental and physical wreck.

Name of most embarrassing ex:
In any group of people, I'm usually the one who's an embarrassment so I can honestly say I don't have an embarrassing ex.

Anything else:
I don't own a TV. I hate ironing. I wake up too early in the mornings. I once may have had something vaguely to do with crashing the computer systems on a nuclear submarine base. Is it MY fault they were out of coffee?

Stories:

"Hospital Trolley"
"Waving My Dick in the Wind"