Date: 09 Sep 97
There's been a lot of debate on this forum as to the ideal drunken food. Well tonight I was reminded of what must be the best a drunk can do. It mixes more than enough drinking time with heaps of food in various states of prepare and just enough of a chance for accidental arson (and the associated fire/water damage) to keep the whole evening interesting.
I am of course referring to that age-old favorite, the fondue. Now maybe some of the young'ns haven't experienced a truly drunken fondue so here's my description of events: Some poor unsuspecting (normally female) person says 'Gee, we haven't had a fondue in ages, lets invite some friends over and enjoy a quiet evening!'
Mistake #1: nothing involving men, drink and fire even ended quietly.
Mistake #2: nothing involving men, drink and fire ever ended without a mess.
Women (or at least those who organize fondues) seem to forget too soon that raw food left in bowls tends to spread itself over everything and no fondue is complete until every dish/bowl/eating surface is covered in greasy, undercooked leftovers.
I'm sure the French invented the fondue after Normandy just to prove they could make more of a mess than the English (of course they didn't stop there but we won't mention any atolls in the south Pacific right now)
Anyway, to cut a long story short, penalty drinks were paid for dropped food, many insults were passed about poor choice in music and somehow I stuck one of those abortion-tool-like forks most of the way through my hand so much fun was had by all (considering it was a Monday night). Although the spirits burner did catch fire (on the outside) some sober bastard caught it before the curtains took so we were denied the pleasantries of a full fire drill and apart from one female objecting, I did manage to eat most of my meat as Bundy (Ted not Al) intended.
So sweet dreams children and fear not, the dark continent's only walking liver hasn't died or dried up, he's just been too busy between drinking and working to post anything noteworthy. Maybe his holiday in a fortnight will change all that...
Cheers
ALAN - posting shortly before the blackout