Date: 22 Apr 97
Hey drunks! Those of you who crossed my path last week round #adb may be wondering if I made it through the weekend; for those of you who didn't, click on 'next' read any further. Bet you can't do it.... C'mon, do it, ignore the rest of this post. Why do you want to know what it's about anyway? And why should you care?
OK enough shit, if you want to read, then go on. Those who are now legally reading this post may remember that I intended dragging my unfit, alcohol-craving body though whatever nature could throw at it for three days, armed only with what I could strap to my back and carry without spilling. Well either hell has one (forgive the pun) hell of a good ISP or I actually made it. And as you can see from the header, this comes to you from iafrica, so you decide.
Now three days doesn't sound like much but try fitting everything you intend on drinking into a backpack along with a change of clothes, food and a sleeping bag. Then unpack the spare clothes, ditch the food and pray it won't get cold enough for you to miss the sleeping bag. Oh yeah, and transfer any alcohol in glass bottles to plastic ones, they don't break and also weigh less. So that's the preparation out the way. One thing I should add here - if you have any choice of hiking buddies, make it carefully - no asshuffers (see later) and a couple of nice fat ones that you can outrun in case of wild animals attack.
Day 1: Drive two hours to start of hike. Ignore asshuffer (as mentioned above) constantly saying "You're going to regret drinking all those beers when we start to walk!" Pick up pack weighing 25kg's (55.112lbs - I now have a calculator that does the conversion) and notice that other have pack weighing no more that half. Start 7.5 km (4.66 mile) hike to first hut.
Suddenly the asshuffer and co realized that a happy DB doesn't mind walking through spiderwebs, man-traps and facing hungry beast, so Gerhard (co DB on hike) and I are sent to front as by now it is getting a bit dark. We walked along, sipping beers and otherwise enjoying what little nature we could see in the twilight until a few hundred yards from the first night's hut when we (literally) stumbled across a (insert collective noun for huge marauding gang) of bush pigs. Luckily being pigs, they felt a kindred spirit and merely dispersed rather rapidly leaving both Gerhard and myself a little shaken and requiring copious amounts of nerve-steadying drink.
Upon arrival at the hut, a fire was made, the huffers tucked into their energy drinks and DB's further lightened their packs which by now were mere shadows of their former weightiness. An hour or so after our arrival another group of hikers arrived at the hut but thankfully these folk came prepared. You see along with them came seven or eight dozen kids and as anyone with kids will tell you, that's reason enough to drink heavily. First at the BBQ pit was Steve accompanied by a rather young but none the less tasty bottle of red wine. Greetings were exchanged, glasses were raised and the rest of the night blurred into exaggerated tales of slain beasts and emptied bottles.
Day 2: Somehow mountain air has a way with hangovers; or maybe it was all the exercise; anyway, day 2 arrived sans hangover and the view of a valley that could best be viewed over the rim of a glass. Once again, ignore 'huffers "You're going to regret that drink later...." Breakfast over, we lifted our (by this stage much lighter) packs and started on down the valley. Now as Newton or some other dead physicist pointed out, what goes up, must come down; or what goes down, must come up; or what goes up and down, must come; or whatever it as he was trying to say. Basically on the other side of a valley is a damn steep hill and no matter where you are going , the up is longer than the down. Well we made it and to be truthful, it was really spectacular. In fact when the pix get developed and my homepage rebuilt, some will take pride of place.
Of course by the evening of the second day, the packs were light enough to carry in one hand and an evil truth began to dawn, we had under catered and the final day would be long and dry. But first the second night. Once again 'huffer took far too long to light the fire and by the time it came to cooking, I was down to half a bottle of schnapps and a bottle of red wine. And once again the other party of hikers arrived and the evening got going. Amongst the wimmin folk were a group from a choir who set the mood with a bunch of crappy songs that no one cared for and every time someone shouted 'Everybody now....', we'd all raise our glasses a little higher. Of course that lead to rapid depletion of glasses and soon we were all singing along, like a Von Trapp / Adams Family reunion. Steve, if you're out there, thanks for helping us less experienced hikers make it though the night with that box of whatever it was you were drinking. Fade lights, chase past family of bush pigs for effect and close scene on last three gathered around tiny gas stove making coffee and taking drunken stabs at the meaning of Life.
Day 3: No hangover, no booze. A dilemma? Yes. A solution: 11km (6.84 mile) hike back to the cars and then ten minutes to the tourist coffee shop and a farewell drink. Luckily 'huffer drove in his own car so by the time he arrived, I was safely into my fortified coffee and Gerhard was happily sucking back whatever it was that caught his fancy.
It's three days later now and apart from a pinched neck muscle (trying to reach into backpack while walking) the overall muscle/liver damage seems to have been kept to a minimum. Will I do it again? For sure, but not this weekend, this weekend a barman is carrying my drinks and the only animal will be the one lurking behind drink #12.
Cheers
ALAN