From: Yopu
Subject: Saturday
Date: 30 Sep 1997 00:00:00 GMT
Organization: Sirius Connections
Newsgroups: alt.drunken.bastards


Me and Jody decided to see whether we could climb this mountain we keep
seing on the way to work eevery day, so we filled up our backpacks with
beer and our favorite relative unkel Jacky D. We fiugred the beer would
hold out for a while until it started getting hot, and then we'd have
Jack for when we got up on the top.

We were doing some pretty easy hiking at first, mostly grass and
manzanita and oaks, drinking beers as we were walking. Then it started
to get steep after 4 beers, so we kicked it in and startied working.
Beres were getting warmer. I slipped on some shale and fell ass over
heels about 30 feet back down the hill, scraped the shit out of my
elbow. IT wasn't bleeding too bad, but I figured to steirilize it with
some jack, and some for me, just in case. Jody was all laughing and
shit, and I fetched a couple pieces of rock at him and told him to shut
the hell up or so help me I'd kick his ass. I had anoter couple hits
off the Jack, just to help numb up the elbow, which was starting to puff
up like a baseball. I climbed back up to where I fell and went to open
up a beer. Damn it! Fucken thing was shook up spraying beer all over
and I was soaked. Pretty cool, because I was sweaten from hiking and
all dirty from falling down th e hill, and Jody was laughing like shit
so I opend up a beer and sprayed him with a foamy one. He shut up
pretty quick except to tosay fuck you prick bastard.

wWe started climbing again because it was geting hot and we wanted to
get up top before it got too hot. Jody was leading because my elbow was
hurting pretty good, and i was getting kinda buzzed from the beers and
the jack. I stopped to rest a minute and catch my breathe and try a
nother sip of jack. The next thing I know, here comes Jody screaming
run,run,run ow, you sonofabitch run, ow, ow, fucken bastards jesus
christ ow, run coming down the hill swatting and waving his arms and
hitting his head and neck. I figure maybe I shoudl maybe move off aout
of his way becase he isn't even looking where he's going and this
doesn't sound too good, so I picu up my baackkpack and start getting
awayf form the trail and Jody goes past me maybe 15 feet away and he's
got a bunch of yellowjackets on him and in his hair and shit, and they
must be stinging and bitting the piss out of him because he's screaming
and pretty helpless.

Fuck, I think, thats' gotta hurt,all of those bees everywhere, and we
ahvent seen a pond or creek all day, and everythings pretty dry in the
creeks anyway, not even any mud to put on the bites, and we areent going
to hvae enough Jack for that, adn the beers hot, so Jody's screwed now.
I figure I'd better have some more Jack, because when I find Jody,
that's the last I'll see of the whisky. I start down the hill, trying
to stay far enough behind so I don't run into any bees, but trying to
keep up close enough to hear him yelling. Finally I catch up to him,
and he's got a coupel of manzanita bushes swinging them at the air
every; few seconds, and turning around. He's got bigass welts on his
face and neck, this looks pretty bad. He's still swearing at the goddam
bees and i don't even see any around so I guess he outran them. He
starts telling me he went to step on a log in the trail and the bees
started pouring out from under the log and went straight for his head
and he couldn't pull up his shirt because of the backpack and they
really bit the piss out of his head and neck.

I felt kind of sorry for him, because his head was starting to look like
a pumpkin, all swollen and getting pretty red and I started to laugh,
but I handed him the last of my Jack, because his hands and arms were
all stung up and he couldn't get his bottle out of the back pack. So I
helped him with that and opened the bottle and had a big pull, and then
gave that to him. Then I opened a coupel of beers and hosed him with
those, figuring they'd help cool him off. That pissed him off pretty
good, adn he started swearing at me again, but I figured he wouldn't do
anything because the bees had taken the sting out of him, so to speak.

So I figure we arent going to be doing any more climbing for the day, so
we sit there and finish off the jack, and then down the bbers to lighten
the load, then we head back down the hill and go hoem. Jody was all
moaning and shit by the time we got to the caar and I had to drive,
which probably wasnt' the best, but it's all dirt roads until town. I
kept the car on the roads pretty good, except for some chugholes where
we bottomed out and Jody was hiting his head on the roof, and that
didn't make him feel any better. I asked him if he wanted to go to the
hospital, but he didn't want that, so I dropped him off and went home.