Subject: Dry Land Surfing
From: Yopu
Date: 1998/02/10
Newsgroups: alt.drunken.bastards

Hey Bastards, Hi again. Man, its been raining a whole bunch here this
winter. but everythings real green so its ok with me. I fiugred we
ought to go do some hiking when the weather took a break from dumping
all that water out of the sky, so I went and got Jody and said Lets' Go.

Jody was working on a pretty good heater when I got there, so I had to
get involved in that for a while. After a couple of Jack and a few
warmup beers, I wanted to head up the hi8lls, but jody starts talking
about Dry Land Surfing, and how we could invent a whole new Olympic
Sport. I'm like, that's bullshit man, nobody's gonna do that, but he's
off outback to the shop talking about snowboards, nobody thaought
snowboards was a sport and now it's Olympic. I start thinking about
Olympic fucking Pingpong, and Exhibition Choadsmoking finals and crap
like that, and Jody's thrashing around in the shop, and I hear the table
saw start up, so I figure what the fuck, might as well be in on the
invention.

I get in the shop and its lit up like a Hollywood set, Jody's got all
these halogen lights blazing. I grab a beer out of the fridge and go
over to where Jody's got the arc welder stored and grab some shades.
He's cutting on a disk of wood, and is going on about plexiglas and
sheet metal, and I'm like, give it up, man, let head. He turns on me
and through a set of welding glasses I can see his eyes start to go red,
so I back off out of the shop and go back in the house. No sense in
rumbling in a room fulla power tools. Some things you just don't fuck
with.

I'm in the house working on the Jack and a couple more beers and Jody
comes in and says Lets go. So we get in the station wagon, and I look
in the wayback and theres a blanket covering something, and Jodys not
talking about it, he just keeps saying you'll see it when we get there.
So we head up to the BLM place because Jody knows the guy with the
grazing rights and how to get in the gate, and the next thing I know
we're going up a fucking washout, tires spinning, gravel and rocks and
mud and shit slinging out from under the car, fishtailing up this
fucking hill because we don't want to get stuck. we finally get up to
the top and drive a little way to where there isn't a road anymore and
stop.

I'm thinking this is pretty cool, because now we don't have to hike up a
big ass hill to get to the top to hike around, ant that means more beer
to drink. I fire up a pretty foamy one and go to hand it off to Jody,
but he's out of the car and getting the blanket out of the back. By the
time I get back there, he's got this fucking contraption out, and he's
over by the edge of the slope, and he's kneeling down and strapping his
feet into this thing. It's pretty hard to describe, kind of a huge
salad bowl with a flat bottom, metal, but with the wood disk inside, and
he's got some feet things like from water skis only different. Theres a
couple of grips on the edges, and I'm thinking, this looks like a piece
of shit. Maybe it would be a good shield in a sword fight, I don't
know.

So I'm like, What the fuck are you planning to do, asswipe? Should I
just call the fucking emergency helicopter crew right now and save us
all the trouble? And he starts babbling about snowboarding and the
shape of the bowl and leaning to steer and the grass being slippery,
which I know is true, because we're kinda on the hillside, and between
that and the Jack and beers I'm having pretty much trouble standing up,
but I say it's your funeral, and he kinda gives a hop and the next
thing, he's gone.

I jump over to the edge, and sure enough, there goes Jody down the
hill. Kinda going sidehill at first, holding on to the downhill handle
and lifting up, and I'm thinking, woah, maybe this works, and then the
dish starts to rotate a little and jody's leaning is wrong for that, and
the dish turns and then the whole shitteree is heading straight down the
hill backwards, picking up speed. I never saw anybody's eyes get that
big. I saw him hit a big ass bump, and his hands came flying off the
handles when the dish caught air, and it was pretty much crash and burn
after that.

But for about 4 seconds, it was pretty cool.

A few scratches, mostly a sore ass once he sat down off the dish until
he could get his feet out and slide to a stop before he got into the
trees. He fished the dish out of the gully. It was thrashed. Jody's
working on a new design, he says he knows what he did wrong the first
time and it'll steer better now. I asked him where he got the little
parachute from, but he's not saying. I'm hoping it wasn't from the jump
school.

Later.