Date: 13 Sep 96

I got no idea how I got drunk enough to look in the hall closet. What I was doing in the hall closet, drunk, is still a mystery. But what I saw there was enough to shake me to my very core.

I've always figured that women and household appliances had a *thing*. Ok, Ok, I know, it sounds sexist. Well maybe it is and maybe it isn't. We've heard the stories about the wild ride on Mr. Washing Machine, right? And what about the shower massage?

In the hall closet is a Hoover Power Drive. It has self adjusting ranges. One of them is "Shag." And what exactly are all these hoses and attachments for, and what is a "beater bar?"

Kate says she still loves me, its all very innocent, and it's just a vacuum cleaner. Like I'm gonna buy into THAT. We got hardwood floors. What's the point of having a "shag setting" if you got hardwood floors?

Just exactly what the hell goes on around here on cleaning day? I'm gonna start sticking a lot closer to home on Fridays now.

-Sully
(I did NOT want to know about all this.)