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Subject: Julia Child vs. Graham Kerr From: Sully Some bastard once asked me what my life's ambition was, and I've always wanted to see two classic TV-DB chefs, Julia Child and Graham Kerr, get together for some drunken cooking. So long as I get to eat first, they can do the nasty on PBS. Then I got to thinking about what might happen during the actual preparation of the meal, which led me to confirm my thoughts about eating first.... I mean, I can't help visualizing a couple or four bottles of wine being drunk in preparation of the cooking, with Julia nipping Gin from a flask stashed in some freshly cut greens. The show would be shot live, naturally, and both end up sufficiently lubed that they forget the show altogether, and are impervious to sotto voce cues from the director. As with all of my ambitions, this one is joined already in progress..... (Cue wavy visual effect and fade to kitchen set) GK: "Julia, the fresh greens are ready, and - where did you go?" JC: "I'm down here, Graham, looking for that skewer I seem to have dropped under the table. Oh! Hmmm. You seem to have found it for me. What is it doing in your pocket? You know, I can think of 5 different things to do with Zucchini." GK: "Eh? Pocket? Oh, THAT skewer. Right. C'mon up here old thing, and let me have you take a closer look at this fine bed of greens, Julia." JC: "Oh, yes, I do see what you mean, Graham. I might just have to take a closer look here, and - Oh, my, I do seem to have lost my balance. Yes, this bed of fresh basil and arugula is certainly comfortable." GK: "And now for the capers. We just sprinkle them on a bit here." JC: "Oh, Graham, capers with basil? Well, why not?" GK: "Ahhh. A fine aroma, Julia." JC: "Graham, you must impale my marinated clam with your meaty swordfish. And while you're doing that, I think I'll have just another splash of the Mouton-Rothschild." GK: "Funny you should mention fish, Julia. By the way, I have developed and perfected a fantastic technique for Hot Beef Injection." JC: "So long as you remember to wrap the meat with bacon, Dearie." GK: "Uh, Julia, are you sure?" JC: "Shut up and grease my pan, Graham. I want Pork, and I want it now." GK: "It might take more than two hands here, Julia. I don't think I'll be able to get - whoops, it slipped right in. Hmmm. Can we get a bit more stuffing? It will help to soak up the juices that are being created." JC: "Stuffing? Why I have a wonderful recipe for stuffing. It calls for a half-cup of English Walnuts, and naturally the croutons must be seasoned just so." GK: "Well, the English Walnuts I can do. However, as for the croutons, well...." JC: "Never mind that now, Graham. Oh! I can see why they call you the "Galloping" Gourmet. Yes. Oh, my. This reminds me of a recipe for delicious sausages. They are wrapped in the most flaky of pastry, and then baked until done."
GK: "Sounds like pigs in a blanket to me, old girl. Speaking of pigs
in a blanket, here comes the sauSe." I gotta get some better ambitions. |