Subject: Cycling for drunk fucks
Newsgroups: alt.drunken.bastards
Date: 1997/11/21
Author: keltic@zip.com.au

Gday there

Well there I am with a cheap as cheap cask and a few good irc friends. Too drunk
to do anything socially redeemable...too sober to go to bed like I probably should
have.

And then the urge for nudity strikes.

I have no recollection of who was on channel, except mellee and wowbugger.
Suitably fuelled up by cheap moselle, I wheeled my treadly thru the house and
dropped my shorts at the front door. This would be a ride to remember.

At this point I was verging on too drunk to stand, but I got the bike rolling and swung
a leg over and wobbled out across the road. The same young lady who gave
witness to my previous nude jog again stared goggle eyed as I rode off in all my
native splendour in a northwest direction.

I have no idea what exactly happened at this point, as it was pitch fucking black and
I had no lights on my bike whatsoever. Something went PING and fucked off into
the darkness at a great rate of knots. Whatever it was, it wasn't anything crucial...I
kept on my course into the night.

Up onto a bike track and now I'm pedalling like a motherfucker, getting a good clip
up. The local public toilet, frequented by a lot of gay guys, blips past in the dark. I
make sure they hear my drunken bastard rebel yell, remarkably akin to an owl
being gutted with a butter knife.

Past the gay boys, and pounding down the track...I know for experience I can get up
to 60kph or so along this stretch. Come to the end of the track.

Pull a U-turn across the road and start heading back. At this point drunkeness
makes itself felt and I start weaving like a true drunk fuck in and out of traffic. Some
ppl beep their horns. I am unsure as to whether this is because I am not using any
lights, as I should be, or if it is some sort of reaction to my naked white arse.

Somehow, I made it home in one piece, don't ask me how. Wife gets stuck into me
because I didn't give her a cuddle before I left on this drunken adventure. I go back
to IRC.

Cheers, Keltic

Reclaim the fuck! Be true to your heritage! Be an arse, not an ass!

This post was bought to you by the FFF

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