O.K. Briefly, Jaz and I are now .. err... yup.

The day started off as eventful as any DB day night start. We woke, turned to each other and said "Go for it!" (Actually it was more like 'Get me a fucking cup of tea' and Jaz brought up his cider bottle.) We had plenty of time before the noon deadline. It was 10. We waited for Beavis to phone to say what pub we were going meet in before the 'deed'. No call.

We get to Bradford and Jaz needed to pay in a cheque and draw some cash to pay for the wedding. Whoops. We forgot the cheque and the card. Now 11.30. No time to go back for them. No money to pay for the wedding. Pull into the car park of the registry office with mobile in hand. No Beavis but coincided with just *toofuckingmanyrelatives* arriving at the same fucking time. Smile politely. Talk politely. Panic quite a bit. "Yes, all is going well but we seem to have lost the best man." Beavis was then spotted and we suggest that relatives fuck off to the Office while us three (Beavis in a good ADB t-shirt and slightly pissed with hand obligingly on wallet) set off in search of a pub for a fortifier. None in the near vicinity so I remind the glum fucks that Jaz thoughtfully remembered to bring a bottle of Pernod located nicely in the car.

We leg it back to the car with 10 minutes til countdown. We were almost spotted swilling Pernod in the car park by late arrival relatives. Escaped detection.

Blahed the blah that made us hitched with a cool video that documents the chilling moments when Jaz and I glared at Beavis when it came to the point where the Registrar asked if anyone knew of any reason why we could not be married, where Jaz stumbled on the word 'impediment' and I forgot my own name and Jaz had to prompt me.

Jaz, Beev and I darted away after the pics to get a bevvy in before the reception. We scared the landlord of the pub we went into. Beev downed a triple voddy and a pint in record time. He scared me by vowing to have one of my nieces giving him a blow job while my other niece sat on his face by the end of the day. This, thankfully, was not to be. Truth be known, bless the DB cunt, after a momentous moment (my personal second most best bit of the day) when Jaz suggested to Beev (as best nab) that he make a speech, Beev responded very loudly, "FUCK OFF!" Not long after Beev was caught on video removing his coat from the back of a chair and ..... disappearing. Many guests were concerned for his welfare. Jaz and I mocked them. search party was enlisted and his mobile phone was located. We secured it.

But it wasn't his mobile. We stole a bartenders mobile. Stupid fucking bartender should never leave a mobile on a table outside the men's toilet when a Beev search was underway, I say.

Anyway, long story short, Beev was identified by his roommate as being passed out after two bus rides home. Fine fucking best man he turned out to be!

Oh.. by the way.

We *did* get married.

Thanks Mellee and Wowbugger for the calls. Wish you were there .......

Badart... you're still a cunt.

-- Leaf