Here's something I put together to amuse myself. If anyone sees any merit in
it, fine. If not, go ahead and flame me.

1. What's this group about anyway?

It's about getting good and liquored up and then providing detailed accounts of
the amusing things you did while good and liquored up. It's also about logging
on and posting regrettable drunken bullshit and then slapping your forehead the
morning after and asking yourself, "Shit, did I really post that?" There are
some who might add that it's about exchanging pithy one-liners with like-minded
drunks throughout the English-speaking world.

2. Who founded the newsgroup?

The newsgroup was founded before DejaNews existed, so details of its early days
are lost to the mists of time. The group suffers, you might say, from a
collective blackout. The founder is rumored to have been a student at Boston
University, a fine institution where the compiler of this FAQ did some of his
most memorable drinking, and whose bona fides as a drinking establishment he
can therefore vouch for.

3. Is everyone here drunk?

Yes. Much of the time, anyway. When they aren't drunk, they're either hungover
or scheming for their next drink.

4. I just delurked. Why is everyone asking me to buy them a drink?

It's a longstanding tradition. Well, longstanding in the sense that it began a
couple of years ago. The ideal delurk is a story either about your favorite
drink or about getting completely smashed and then doing something you later
felt foolish about. If you fulfill this expectation, readers will likely ask
you to "slap your credit card on the bar" or  demonstrate in some other way
your willingness to buy a round. Just go along with the game. It's not as if
anyone actually expects you to deliver that drink. (But then you never know;
followers of this group have been known to show up on one another's doorsteps
demanding to collect on promises made in drunken jest.)

5. What should I know about best/worst beer threads?

You should know to stay out of them. Don't contribute. Trust us on this one.

6. Is this a suitable place to boast about the amount of alcohol I consume?

No one here cares how much you can drink. The important thing is to (A) get
silly drunk, no matter how much or how little it takes, (B) do something stupid
or in some other way entertaining, and (C) post about it in an engaging way. It
may take you a single weak Merkin beer to do this, or it may take a 1.75 of
Captain Morgan's. Either way, volume and strength of beverage are irrelevant to
the purpose of this group. Having a beverage of choice--and singing its
praises--is perfectly acceptable, however.

7. I just delurked and was mercilessly flamed. What gives?

The person who flamed you was probably drunk. Relax. It was probably not meant
personally. You may get an apology, or you may not. That's par for the course.
On the other hand, you may have been flamed because you came off as an
"asshuffer," which leads us to . . .

8. What's an asshuffer?

"Asshuffer." (n.) 1. One who trolls a.d.b. without a clue as to what the group
is about. 2. Either an established or aspiring DB who, usually in a moment of
drunkenness, suffers a lapse in judgment and posts something insulting or
otherwise out of keeping with the spirit of the group.

9. What's "stanky on the hangdown"?

Post-coital, penile-resident vaginal discharge of the lubricative variety.

10. How come people get away with calling one another a cunt?

It's intended as a jovial term of endearment. Cunt.

11. Does this group have an associated Web site?

Yes: http://www.drunkenbastards.org.

12. A lot of people who post here speak as if they know one another personally.
Do they?

In many cases, yes. Some have traveled thousands of miles to meet and to drink
with people whom they've met here. There is also a tradition of exchanging
telephone numbers and calling one another while drunk. To no one's surprise,
neither party remembers the content of many of these telephone calls, which
often are placed in the wee hours of the morning when both parties are well
lubricated.

13. Last night I was shitfaced and posted something here that I later
regretted. What should I do?

You can either contact your ISP and ask them to remove the offending post, or
you can explain publicly that you were drunk and therefore weren't responsible
for what you wrote. Don't worry. It happens all the time.

14. Some nights I'm so drunk I can barely type, but the urge to post is strong.
Should I refrain from posting?

Not necessarily. While detailed posts about past drunken adventures are
appreciated, actual "reports from the field," with stammers and slurs
reproduced in type, are especially prized. On the other hand, if you're really
schnockered, you may post something you'll later regret, in which case you
should follow the advice provided above.

15. I've read references to something called #adb. What's that?

It's a channel on Internet Relay Chat where DBs congregate. For information
about joining the channel, see:

http://www.mathu.com/cc-irc.htm#5

16. I've also read references to something called a "CC." What's that?

It's a drinking game where a bunch of people drink a shot of beer per minute
for a hundred minutes. Certain variations--of beverage and of frequency of
shots--are considered acceptable. For more information, see:

http://www.mathu.com/cc-irc.htm

17. There seem to be a lot of references to obscure events that occurred a long
time ago. What's that all about?

Don't worry. If you stick around long enough, you'll find yourself doing the
same thing. Have you ever meet a drunk who didn't repeat the same old stories
over and over again?

18. I logged onto #adb last night and was banned for no good reason. What
should I do?

There's nothing you can do. The last thing you want to do is come here and
bitch about it. No one cares. Whoever banned you was probably drunk anyway and
probably couldn't tell you why he or she did it. You can accomplish nothing by
complaining about it apart from making a fool of yourself.

19. Sometimes people shout "quote page!" What's up with that?

The Quote Pages are an archive at www.drunkenbastards.org consisting of the
most memorable posts--or at least those posts considered most memorable by the
current keeper of the page, who was probably drunk at the time he or she
decided it was memorable.

20. What's the HOB?

The Hall of Bastards, at http://www.drunkenbastards.org/hob/hob.html , is an honor roll
where drunks of note are profiled. Over the years it has passed through the
hands of several archivists. Calls for new inductees periodically arise, at
which point one or two drunks are added, which usually silences the criticism
for a while, though not permanently. Several drunks in the HOB are no longer
heard from. Whether they're alive or dead is open to speculation.

21. Is it true that people who have met here have actually gotten married?

Yes. And why not? People meet in bars and marry.

22. Are there any topics I should avoid raising?

No topic is forbidden per se, but certain topics are more likely than others to
ignite controversy. They include gun control, drunk driving, stereotypical
national character traits, w*rk, s*briety, and the rotational direction of
liquid vortices in the Southern Hemisphere.

kev