Profession Jokes - Social Workers

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Social Workers

Two social workers were walking through a rough part of the city in the evening. They heard moans and muted cries for help from a back lane. Upon investigation, they found a semi-conscious man in a pool of blood. "Help me, I've been mugged and viciously beaten" he pleaded.
The two social workers turned and walked away. One remarked to her colleague: "You know the person that did this really needs help."

A social worker asks a collegue: "What time is it?"
The other one answers: "Sorry, don't know, I have no watch."
The first one: "Never mind! The main thing is that we talked about it."

A social worker is facing a mugger with a gun. "Your money or your life!" says the mugger. "I'm sorry," the social worker answers, "I am a social worker, so I have no money and no life."

What is the difference between God and a social worker?
God doesn't pretend to be a social worker.

What's the difference between a social worker and a pitt bull terrier?
At least you can get part of your baby back from the pitt bull.

A man has a heart attack and is brought to the hospital ER. The doctor tells him that he will not live unless he has a heart transplant right away. Another doctor runs into the room and says, "you're in luck, two hearts just became available, so you will get to choose which one you want. One belongs to an attorney and the other to a social worker".

The man quickly responds, "the attorney's".
The doctor says, "Wait! Don't you want to know a little about them before you make your decision?"
The man says, "I already know enough. We all know that social workers are bleeding hearts and the attorney's probably never used his. So I'll take the attorney's!"

How social workers do it...

Social workers do it for the community.
Social workers do it with a lot of paperwork.
Social workers don't do it; They just share the experience.
Social workers do it with individuals, families and groups.

How many social workers does it take to change a light bulb?
"The light bulb doesn't need changing, it's the system that needs to change."
None. Social workers never change anything.
None. They empower it to change itself!
None. The light bulb is not burnt out, it's just differently lit.
None. They set up a team to write a paper on coping with darkness.
Two. One to change the bulb and another to put your kids into care.
Five. One to screw it in, three to form the support group, and one to help with placement.

Social Workers

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